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1. To give it a Times Square feel, everyone is groped, fondled and pick-pocketed
2. The ‘Party Hats’ look suspiciously like stolen traffic cones
3. There’s a “Happy 1995″ sticker on the packete of shrimp you’ve been eating all night
4. It’s January 6th
5. Prison regulations require lights out at 10:00 pm
6. The guests have decided to start the midnight countdown at 10,000
7. At midnight everyone gathers around to watch your Uncle Earl’s pants drop
8. You hear a guy doing a count down before using the bathroom
9. The ‘Champagne’ tastes suspiciously like apple juice mixed with Alka Seltzer

What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas’ sleigh and is made of cement?
I don’t know.
A reindeer!
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

A: He didn’t have the guts.

Q: What did Rudolph want for Christmas?

A: A play sleightion 2.

Q: Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup?
A: He looked in his bowl and saw a kernel of corn.

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