1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?

3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!

4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?

5. I know when you’ve been bad or good… so let’s skip the small talk, sister!

6. Some of my best toys run on batteries.

7. Interested in seeing the “North Pole”? (Well, that’s what the Mrs. calls it)

8. I see you when you’re sleeping… and you don’t wear any underwear, do you?

9. Screw the “nice” list – I’ve got you on my “naughty” list!

10. Wanna join the “Mile High” club?

On the first night of their honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into a sexy, but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, “Because it’s Lent.”

“Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard,” she exclaimed, close to tears. “To whom and for how long?!”

One time Father Christmas lost his underpants.
That’s how he got the name Saint Knickerless!

(to the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town)

You better come out, you better not cry.
You better not pout, I’m telling you why -
Santa Claus is wearing a gown!

He’s making the switch, he’s leaving his wife.
He’s gonna come out, to start a new life -
Santa Claus is wearing a gown!

A secret he’s been keeping, it’s made him awful tense.
He knows it will be better now, whence comes down off that fence.

So you better come out, you better not cry,
you better not pout, I’m telling you why -
Santa Claus is wearing a gown!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a prehistoric creature with a witch?
A: A dino-sorceress!