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* You only get laid once.

* You only get eaten once.

* It takes you three minutes to get hard.

* The only person who sits on your face is your mother.

* You come in a box with eleven other guys!!!

* You get tossed in the trash when they’re finished with you.

Vampire 1: “I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died.”
Vampire 2: “How awful!”
Vampire 1: “Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time.”

Q: Why don’t mummies take vacations?

A: They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.

Q: Why is it tough to compete against a vampire?

A: Because they’re always out for blood!

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and as always the preacher was standing at the door shaking hands as the congregation departed.

He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”

My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”

Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except for Christmas and Easter?”

He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”



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