Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100253 jokes and pictures!


Q: What do you call a duck who plays basketball?

A: A slam duck.

“‘Tis the night before Christmas,” I thought with a frown.
I was stuck at the office. The network was down.
The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed.
Their tables had holes in their dat
A. All trashed.

Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun,
Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run
On 84 desktops way down in accounting.
I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.

When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
I saw that a server had something the matter.
There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive.
“No problem,” I thought. “I’m set up with RAID 5.”

But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable
Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable!
“No problem,” I thought. “I’ve tape backup to thank.”
And then I discovered my backups were blank.

The UPS burped, and its lights all went out.
I started to scream! I started to shout!
But nobody heard as I vented my rage.
My gurus were all on vacation those days.

And nobody’s tech support answered the phone.
I was nose deep in trouble, completely alone.
When out at reception, I heard a soft knock.
As the hands just touched midnight on my desktop clock.

“What’s your problem?” he asked. “Never mind, friend, I know.
I checked out your network five hours ago.
I did some proactive analysis, so…
I knew that this time bomb was going to blow.”

Who was this guy? Who did he think he was?
He was dressed in red coveralls, white beard, black gloves.
His eyes had the twinkle of technical genius.
His smile cut down personal distance between us.

He spread out his tools, and went straight to his work.
“Whoever configured this network’s a jerk,”
He said with a :-) as he quickly rebooted.
Uploaded some software, and smoothly rerouted…

The LAN to a WAN that he quickly supplied
With bandwidth at least 20 gigabits wide
That went via wireless, I think, LEO,
To tech support elves waiting at the North Pole.

“Now bridging, now routing, now Ethernet hubs!”
He chanted as each piece of hardware he rubbed.
“Cheer up, my good friend! Lose that mindset so tragic!
Technology often looks just like some magic,

To people who don’t understand what we do.
Now a switch, emulation, now middleware glue!
Look at the protocols, check one or two,
Debug a bit, test a bit, presto! We’re through!”

My data was back! Every system checked out!
Tears of joy wet my face as I wandered about.
“How can I thank you? You must be Saint Nick!”
He said, “Really, my friend, it’s not such a great trick.”

“If you don’t give up hope, focus on what you’re doing,
And read all your issues of NETWORK COMPUTING.”
And I heard him exclaim, as his reindeer were coursing,
“Merry Christmas to all! And consider outsourcing!”

At the office where I worked, there was an angel there.
Her hair was long and flowing and her skin was soft and fair.
I wanted so to ask her out, but I was way too shy.
I thought she was too beautiful for me to even try.

The few times I approached her, she just smiled and walked away.
I could not get the courage up and “Hi” was all I’d say.
Then I had an idea, I would get her home address,
And send a Valentine to her and with it I’d express,

The way I feel about her, and the way she makes me feel,
And the feelings that I have, are very, very real.
I’ll tell her that I dream of her, and how it all would be,
If she would only take the time to be alone with me.

I poured my heart out in the card and asked her to be mine,
And then I dropped it in the mail, my special Valentine.
In just a few short days, a response came in the mail,
A card with her return address, I started feeling pale.

I wondered what she said in it, and what she thinks of me,
I guess the only way to know, is open it and see.
With great anticipation, I removed the envelope,
And closed my eyes a moment as my heart filled up with hope.

I opened up my eyes to see a card shaped like a heart,
And in the center someone drew a bloody piercing dart.
I opened up the card to see if writing was inside,
And when I started reading it, I damn near almost died.

“I’d love to be your Valentine, but I think that I will pass,
My husband says he’ll be at work, to kick your stupid ass.
I’m glad you like my body and you think it’s really fine,
My husband says this card is going where the sun don’t shine.

In your card you said there’s things to me you’d love to do,
I think my husband’s going to do all of those things to you.
So, have a Happy Valentine’s, I’ll see you Monday morn,
My husband says on Tuesday, you’ll wish you were never born.”

Q: What happens when a flying witch breaks the sound barrier?
A: You hear the broom boom.

Q: What bird can write under the Arctic Ocean?

A: A ball-point pen-guin!



© 2015 ijokedb.com