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One time Father Christmas lost his underpants.
That’s how he got the name Saint Knickerless!

(to the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town)

You better come out, you better not cry.
You better not pout, I’m telling you why -
Santa Claus is wearing a gown!

He’s making the switch, he’s leaving his wife.
He’s gonna come out, to start a new life -
Santa Claus is wearing a gown!

A secret he’s been keeping, it’s made him awful tense.
He knows it will be better now, whence comes down off that fence.

So you better come out, you better not cry,
you better not pout, I’m telling you why -
Santa Claus is wearing a gown!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a prehistoric creature with a witch?
A: A dino-sorceress!

1. To give it a Times Square feel, everyone is groped, fondled and pick-pocketed
2. The ‘Party Hats’ look suspiciously like stolen traffic cones
3. There’s a “Happy 1995″ sticker on the packete of shrimp you’ve been eating all night
4. It’s January 6th
5. Prison regulations require lights out at 10:00 pm
6. The guests have decided to start the midnight countdown at 10,000
7. At midnight everyone gathers around to watch your Uncle Earl’s pants drop
8. You hear a guy doing a count down before using the bathroom
9. The ‘Champagne’ tastes suspiciously like apple juice mixed with Alka Seltzer

What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas’ sleigh and is made of cement?
I don’t know.
A reindeer!
What about the cement?
I just threw that in to make it hard.



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