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Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke!

Q: What is a ram’s favorite song?

A: I only have eyes for ewe, Dear

Q: Why is a reindeer like a gossip?

A: Because they are both tail bearers!

Q: How do you make a slow reindeer fast?

A: Don’t feed it!

Q: Why did the reindeer wear black boots?

A: Because his brown ones were all muddy!

Q: How long should a reindeer’s legs be?

A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

Last year my wife said all she wanted for Valentine’s Day was “the card.” I picked out a real expensive one and thought the matter closed. She got angry with me anyway. Turns out the card she wanted was her own Visa Platinum. How the heck am I supposed to know it’s referred to as “the card?”

1. The gift of a free membership to weight watchers.

2. The “Monica gift set including a cigar, beret, and stain remover.

3. A ride-on vacuum cleaner – especially when she is expecting her favorite perfume.

4. A free consultation with Dr. Kevorkian.

5. A Solar powered flashlight.

6. A voucher for a free pap smear.

7. A ten dollar gift certificate to McDonalds.

8. Membership in Fruitcake of the month club.

9. The same lousy present that they gave you last year that you never opened and didn’t know how to get rid of it.

10. A guide to marital happiness from your spouse.



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