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Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas?

A: A ghoul Yule!

Q: Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey at Thanksgiving?

A: Because they couldn’t get the moose in the oven!

Q: How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?

A: With a pumpkin patch.

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.

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