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Q: What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
A: Dead ends…

Q: What do you call the reindeer with cotton wool in his ears?
A: Call him anything you like – he won’t hear you!

Q: Why did the witch’s mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.

Q: What do Santa’s helpers make the day before Christmas?

A: Eight dollars an hour plus time and a half for overtime!

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who watched the whole incident walked up and asked,

“What the heck is going on?”

The drunk, still staring down, replied:

“I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost.”

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