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Amaze your friends this New Year’s Eve by actually knowing the words to the song that everyone sings at midnight!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne,
we’ll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne?
And here’s a hand, my trusty friend And gie’s a hand o’ thine
We’ll tak’ a cup o’ kindness yet For auld lang syne.

1. To give it a Times Square feel, everyone is groped, fondled and pick-pocketed
2. The ‘Party Hats’ look suspiciously like stolen traffic cones
3. There’s a “Happy 1995″ sticker on the packete of shrimp you’ve been eating all night
4. It’s January 6th
5. Prison regulations require lights out at 10:00 pm
6. The guests have decided to start the midnight countdown at 10,000
7. At midnight everyone gathers around to watch your Uncle Earl’s pants drop
8. You hear a guy doing a count down before using the bathroom
9. The ‘Champagne’ tastes suspiciously like apple juice mixed with Alka Seltzer

1. Have a torrid fling with a street mutt.
2. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
3. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
4. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
5. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
6. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
7. Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a furry rat or they’ll flush me.
8. Always scoot before licking.
9. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
10. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
11. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!
January 2nd – December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
12. I will NOT chase the darnrd stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND!

* Have a torrid one- night stand with a street mutt.

* Try to understand that the cat is from Venus, and I am from Mars.

* I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

* Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

* Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask- wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

* Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

* Always scoot before licking.

* Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

* January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd – December 31st: Re- live victory over the sock.

* I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

*I will try to figure out why I “really” need 12 e-mail addresses.

*I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). A phone call every now and then would be appreciated.

*I resolve to work with neglected children — my own.

*I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

*I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

*I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily…well, once a week…okay, monthly then…or maybe… at least once a year.

*I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet – This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.

*I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning… 4:30 is much more practical since my friends overseas already had time to answer me by then.

*When I hear a funny joke, I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”

*I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.

*I will think of a password other than “password.”

*I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!



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