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* Have a torrid one- night stand with a street mutt.

* Try to understand that the cat is from Venus, and I am from Mars.

* I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

* Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

* Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask- wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

* Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

* Always scoot before licking.

* Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

* January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd – December 31st: Re- live victory over the sock.

* I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

*I will try to figure out why I “really” need 12 e-mail addresses.

*I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). A phone call every now and then would be appreciated.

*I resolve to work with neglected children — my own.

*I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

*I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

*I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily…well, once a week…okay, monthly then…or maybe… at least once a year.

*I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet – This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.

*I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning… 4:30 is much more practical since my friends overseas already had time to answer me by then.

*When I hear a funny joke, I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”

*I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.

*I will think of a password other than “password.”

*I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!

How beautiful the turning of the year!
A moment artificial yet profound:
Point upon an arbitrary chart
Passing like a breath upon the heart,
Yearning with anticipation wound,
New hope harbored in old-fashioned cheer.
Even when the boundary line is clear,
We recognize the oneness of the ground.
Years, like circles, do not end or start
Except we lay across their truth our art,
Adjusting dates as they go round and round
Revolving to a tune long sung and dear.

Midnight is a purely human thing
In which a day, a year, a century,
Leaves behind its bloodstained legacy,
Looking to what good the next might bring.
Each of us, this new millennium,
Near midnight will begin to feel the awe,
New wondering what this universe is for,
Immersed in what has been and is to come.
Under midnight’s gaze something will end
More beautiful than we can comprehend.

*I will try to figure out why I “really” need 12 e-mail addresses.

*I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). A phone call every now and then would be appreciated.

*I resolve to work with neglected children — my own.

*I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

*I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

*I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily…well, once a week…okay, monthly then…or maybe… at least once a year.

*I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet – This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.

*I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning… 4:30 is much more practical since my friends overseas already had time to answer me by then.

*When I hear a funny joke, I will not reply, “LOL… LOL!”

*I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.

*I will think of a password other than “password.”

*I resolve… I resolve to… I resolve to, uh… I resolve to, uh, get my, er… I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!



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