Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning.

As she lay there looking forward to being brought breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

Finally, the children called her to come downstairs.

She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

“As a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “we decided to cook our own breakfast!”

Moms will understand these…

AMNESI
A: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to get pregnant again.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.

* To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a soda without any “floaties” (ie, backwash).

* To have her 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that “Why is this person my mother?” way.

* Five pounds of chocolate that won’t add twenty pounds to her figure.

* A shower without a child peeking through the curtain with a “Hi Ya Mom!” just as she puts a razor to her ankle.

* A full time cleaning person who looks like Brad Pitt.

* For her teenager to announce, “Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!”

* A grocery store that doesn’t have candy/gum/cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.

* To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.

* To be able to step on a plane with their toddlers and NOT have someone moan, “Oh no! Why me?!?”

* To occasionally get to sleep late on the weekend. I mean is this too much to ask?

* To actually carry on a normal phone conversation with her toddler in the SAME room.

* To actually be able to finish a HOT cup of coffee while her kids are present. An impossible feat!

* To take a hot bath without her toddler suddenly screaming, “Mommy, I have to go potty!” as soon as she hits the water.

Moms will understand these…

AMNESI
A: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to get pregnant again.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.

Moms will understand these…

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to get pregnant again.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.



© 2015 ijokedb.com