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After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. A little while ago I started to go out with another woman. It was really my wife’s idea.

“I know that you love her,” she said one day, taking me by surprise.

“But I love YOU,” I protested.

“I know, but you also love her.”

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years. The demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.

“What’s wrong, are you okay?” she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

“I thought that it would be nice to spend some time with you,” I responded.

“Just the two of us ?” She thought about it for a moment, then said, “I would like that very much.”

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up, I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our “date.”

She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s.

“I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son and they were impressed,” she said, as she got into the car. “They can’t wait to hear about our meeting.”

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print.

Half way through the entrees, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. “It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,” she said.

“Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,” I responded.

During dinner we had an agreeable conversation – nothing extraordinary – but catching up on recent events of each other’s life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, “I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.” I agreed.

“How was your dinner date?” asked my wife when I got home.

“Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,” I answered.

A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her.

Some time later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place my mother and I had dined. An attached note read: “Son, I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn’t be there but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you.”

At that moment I understood the importance of saying, in time, “I LOVE YOU” and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.

Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till “some other time.”

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you’ve had a baby …somebody doesn’t know that once you’re a mother, “normal” is history.

Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct …somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.

Somebody said being a mother is boring …somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver’s permit.

Somebody said if you’re a “good” mother, your child will “turn out good” …somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.

Somebody said “good” mothers never raise their voices …somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor’s kitchen window.

Somebody said you don’t need an education to be a mother …somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.

Somebody said you can’t love the fifth child as much as you love the first …somebody doesn’t have five children.

Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books …somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.

Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery …somebody never watched her “baby” get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten …or on a plane headed for military boot camp.

Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back …somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies.

Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married …somebody doesn’t know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother’s heartstrings.

Somebody said a mother’s job is done when her last child leaves home …somebody never had grandchildren.

Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don’t need to tell her …somebody isn’t a mother.

Job Description:
Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24-hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.
Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

Responsibilities:
For the rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

Possibility for Advancement:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

Previous Experience:
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Wages & Compensation:
You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

Benefits:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning.

As she lay there looking forward to being brought breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

Finally, the children called her to come downstairs.

She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

“As a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “we decided to cook our own breakfast!”

Moms will understand these…

AMNESI
A: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to get pregnant again.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.

* To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a soda without any “floaties” (ie, backwash).

* To have her 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that “Why is this person my mother?” way.

* Five pounds of chocolate that won’t add twenty pounds to her figure.

* A shower without a child peeking through the curtain with a “Hi Ya Mom!” just as she puts a razor to her ankle.

* A full time cleaning person who looks like Brad Pitt.

* For her teenager to announce, “Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!”

* A grocery store that doesn’t have candy/gum/cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.

* To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.

* To be able to step on a plane with their toddlers and NOT have someone moan, “Oh no! Why me?!?”

* To occasionally get to sleep late on the weekend. I mean is this too much to ask?

* To actually carry on a normal phone conversation with her toddler in the SAME room.

* To actually be able to finish a HOT cup of coffee while her kids are present. An impossible feat!

* To take a hot bath without her toddler suddenly screaming, “Mommy, I have to go potty!” as soon as she hits the water.



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