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On the twelfth day of Christmas my human gave to me:

Twelve bags of catnip,

Eleven tasty cat treats,

Ten ornaments hanging,

Nine wads of tissue,

Eight peacock feathers,

Seven stolen Q-tips,

Six feathered balls,

Five milk jug rings,

Four munchy house plants,

Three running faucets,

Two fuzzy mice,

And a hamster in a plastic ball!!

Q: What would get if you crossed St. Nick with Jon Arbuckle?

A: Santa Clod!

(To the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)

Lacy things – the wife is missin’,
Didn’t ask – her permission,
I’m wearin’ her clothes ,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin’ round in women’s underwear.

In the store – there’s a teddy,
Little straps – like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin’ round in women’s underwear.

In the office there’s a guy named Norman,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He’ll say, “Are you ready?”
I’ll say,”Whoa, Man!”
“Let’s wait until our women are out of town!”

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress – like Madonna,
We’ll put on some eyeshade,
And join in the parade,
Walkin’ round in women’s underwear!

Knock Knock Who’s there?
Mary who?
Mary Christmas!

Did you hear about the stupid turkey?
It was looking forward to Christmas!

© 2015