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Q: Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?

A: Your teeth!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Donut who?
Donut open ’til Christmas!

Q: What did one Angel say to the other?
A: Halo there!

(to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Dashing to the mall,
In a light blue mini-van,
Stashing all our loot,
Behind the garbage can.

We think the kids need more,
‘Tho their closest’s full of junk,
Then someone sends unneeded things
We’ll just stow into a trunk!

Christmas bills! Christmas bills!
For Christmas we must pay!
See all of our Christmas bills
Still here on New Year’s Day! … Hey?!

Christmas bills! Christmas bills!
We can’t pay today…
We have so many Christmas bills,
There’s got to be a better way!

Little Johnny desperately wanted a bright red wagon for Christmas. His friends were writing letters to Santa Claus, so Johnny decided to do them one better.

“Dear Jesus,” he wrote, “If I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will not fight with my brother Hank for a year.” Then Johnny thought, ‘Oh, no, Hank is such a brat, I could never, ever keep that promise.’ So Johnny threw away the letter and wrote another one.

“Dear Jesus, if I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will eat all my vegetables for a year.” Then Johnny thought, ‘Oh, no, that means spinach and asparagus. Yuck! I could never ever keep that promise.’

Then Johnny had an ide
A. He threw away the paper and went downstairs to the living room. From the mantel above the fireplace, he grabbed the family’s statue of the Virgin Mary. Taking the statue to the kitchen he wrapped it in newspapers then stuffed the newspapers into a grocery bag. He took the package upstairs to his room, opened the closet and placed the whole works in the farthest, darkest corner. Then he closed the closet door tightly, took a new sheet of paper and wrote: “Dear Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again…”

© 2015