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It was Christmas Eve Night, and throughout the whole house,
No creature was sober, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung from the mantel with care,
And I was hung too, hung like a bear.

My wife and I done with shopping, us both out of cash,
Had just settled down for a good piece of ass.

My daughter and her boyfriend were getting it on,
And my son was watching porn while slapping his schlong.

Grandpa was trying his best to make himself stiff,
So he could fulfill Grandma’s Christmas wish.

When out in the yard, there was such a strange sound,
I jumped out of bed and my boner went down.

Straight to the window I really hauled ass,
Opened the curtains and pressed my face to the glass.

And what to my drunken eyes did appear,
But a crappy old sleigh and a bunch of reindeer.

And a large bearded guy scratching his balls,
I knew right away it was Santa Claus.

Slower than shit the reindeer they came,
He cussed and he screamed as he called them bad names…

“Hey Dickhead, hey Shithead, up over that tree,
and next time, wait till we land to pee!”

Q: What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A: A pineapple!

Q: But what about his chimp?

A: King Kong merrily on high, of course!

Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck!

Q: What’s red and white and falls down the chimney?
A: Santa Klutz!

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