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Man 1: “I got my wife a VCP for her birthday.”
Man 2: “Don’t you mean a VCR?”
Man 1: “No, a VCP … Very Cheap Present!”

Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
A: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

“Look at ME!!” boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 situps before a group of young people.

“Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after loose women!!”

He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, “And tomorrow — tomorrow, I’m going to celebrate my -90th- birthday!!”

“Oh, really?” drawled one of the young onlookers, “How?”

There was a fellow talking to his buddy one day. The fellow said, “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.”
His buddy said, “I have an ide
A. Why don’t you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She’ll probably be thrilled!” So, the first fellow did just that.
The next day his buddy asked, “Well, did you take my suggestion? How’d it turn out?”
“She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, “I’ll see you in two hours!”

Q: What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
A: Mice cream and cake!



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