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Q: Have you seen Quasimodo?
A: I have a hunch he’s back!

December 7, 2002 – Somewhere Santa is weeping. It’s time we all found out just who is being naughty this Christmas season, and I am here to tell you. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) has put the fear of God, uh, pardon me, the fear of “a higher power that may or may not exist” into schools and towns all across Americ
A. If you get involved with this Christmas thing, the ACLU might sue you.

At the South Orange Middle School in New Jersey, a sixth-grade class was all set to see the play “A Christmas Carol,” written by that well-known religious zealot Charles Dickens. But according to the Associated Press (AP), school officials canceled an outing to see the play and replaced it with a show called “The Great Railroad Race.”

The school’s principal, Kirk Smith, told the AP “there is a great sensitivity to putting students in awkward situations.” Apparently, some parents complained about “A Christmas Carol” because they thought it had something to do with Christmas, and we can’t have that in a public school, can we? Even though Christmas is a federal holiday, we can’t really be discussing the meaning of the day because of sensitivity concerns. Is this insane or what?

The reason that the South Orange Middle School and many other places across the country are so frightened of a day that is designed to promote generosity and peace on earth is that Jesus Christ is involved. Jesus, you see, is not acceptable in the public discourse, according to the ACLU and other misguided groups.

Never mind the fact that Jesus was a great philosopher and many of his tenets influenced the Founding Fathers in their construction of our Constitution. Never mind the fact that President Ulysses S. Grant declared Christmas a public, secular holiday in 1870 to celebrate a philosophy of “goodwill toward men.”

No, now we in America have to live in fear of being sued by organizations that seek to suppress any kind of religious display in the public aren
A. For two hundred years, the United States celebrated Christmas without any intrusion from the courts. Was anyone harmed? Were anyone’s rights trampled? All that happened was happiness for millions of American children.

Here’s how ridiculous this whole thing is. In Covington, Ga., the school board removed the word “Christmas” from the school calendar.

In St. Paul, Minn., red poinsettias were banned from a display at the county courthouse. And in hundreds of towns across the country, nativity scenes have been banned on public property. But a constitutional loophole exists that has the ACLU in a panic. According to a Supreme Court decision in the case of Lynch versus Donnelly, any kind of Christmas religious scene can be displayed on public property if a secular symbol is also in sight. So you can have a nativity scene if you have one of the wise men carrying a candy cane. I’m not kidding. The Supreme Court has found a way to get around the hammer that the concept of church and state separation has become in the hands of Americans that are offended by public religious depictions.

But my question is, where have all the wise men gone? These days, we in America are reduced to finding loopholes in the Constitution in order to celebrate a federal holiday, the birthday of a man, Jesus, who believed that all men should love one another.

So, this Christmas season, while you are out shopping, stop for a moment and think about why we the people have given the store away to special interest groups that are attacking cherished traditions and legal holidays in the name of freedom.

Somewhere, Santa Claus is weeping. But if he’s on public property, I hope the ACLU doesn’t get him for trespassing.

Q: What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with an oversterssed person?
A: An Easter basket case!

Q: What can Santa give away and still keep?

A: A cold.

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for him to go and have a good time. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you… the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!”

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