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Every year you’re bound to hear some youngster say, “I wish that Christmas would last all year.”

What they don’t know is that it does.

Wait ’til they grow-up & have to pay off the credit cards.

Q: What do you call a monster with no neck?
A: The Lost Neck Monster.

It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
‘Oh, I don’t know ,’ she said . ‘Just give me something with diamonds.
That’s why I’m giving her a pack of playing cards.

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. “Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!”
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
“I Don’t know” said the farmer. “I never could catch the darn thing!”

* This topic comes as a surprise to you.

* Your wife has had a deadbolt installed on her nightgown.

* You don’t remember your shower radio having a 220-volt feeder.

* Instead of a kiss, your girlfriend greets you with a hearty kick to the groin.

* You’ve got a divot in your head from the new golf club your wife gave you.

* You’ve got a red mark on your face that bears a striking resemblance to the shape of your girlfriend’s hand.

* You’re so caught up in online porn that time, in general, has no meaning whatsoever.

* You’ve got a high-heel sticking out of your rear end.

* Cupid flips you the bird.

* Your intern won’t even TALK to you.

© 2015