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Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula’s terror-tory.

Q: What kind of key opens a casket?
A: A skeleton key

* Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)

* Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, “Trick or Treat!” Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.

* Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, “Top Secret” in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, “It’s about time you got here,” give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.

* Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, “Come in.” When they do, have everyone yell, “Surprise!!!” Act like it’s a surprise party.

* Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what’s wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural “whirring” sound.

* Hand them your child’s school fund raiser ordering sheet and insist that they buy their own candy.

* After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.

* Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don’t move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.

* When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, “Crawl for it!”

* When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.

* Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.

* Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.

* When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.

* Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.

* Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.

* Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M’s and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don’t have any candy.

* Hand out cigarettes and bottles of aspirin.

* Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.

Q: What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?

A: Santa Clues!

A young man at a New Year’s party turns to his friend and asks for a cigarette. “I thought you made a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking,” his friend says. “I’m in the process of quitting,” the man says. “Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.” – “What’s phase one?” – “I’ve quit buying.”



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