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Q: What do you call a person who puts poison in a person’s corn flakes?
A: A cereal killer.

* Al Gore’s PRESIDENTIAL costume
* Al Gore Disco Fever costume
* Positive Home Pregnancy Test
* Jacko-Lantern
* Marge Schott’s Less Attractive, Slightly More Racist Sister
* Evil British Nanny
* Janet Reno Little French Maid Outfit
* Male Pattern Baldness
* Guy Who Ate Too Much Olestra
* Flaming Tofu Burrito from Hell on a Stick
* President Jesse Helms
* Marv Albert, Warrior Princess
* Mighty Menstruatin’ Power Ranger
* Monica Lewinsky’s butt
* A USED cigar
* 93-year-old Senator Strom Thurmond “dressed” as Tarzan wearing a Medicare badge
* Attorney General Janet Reno dressed as Charles Manson
* Hillary Clinton dressed as Madonna dressed as Evita
* Pat Buchanan dressed as Detective Mark Fuhrman
* Positive Home Pregnancy Test
* Representative Newt Gingrich dressed as Dr. Kevorkian
* Senator Ted “Chappaquiddick” Kennedy dressed as a taxi driver
* Vice President Al Gore dressed as Tipper Gore

A man was blissfully driving along the highway when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately, the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car an asked the man what was wrong.

“I feel terrible,” he explained. “I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed him. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?”

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp dead Bunny and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the furry little animal.

Miraculously, the Easter Bunny came back to life! He jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved his paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road.

Fifty yards away, the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around and waved.

He hopped another fifty yards down the road, stopped, turned around and waved again.

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, “What in Heaven’s name is in your spray can?!”

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.

It said: HAIR SPRAY. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.

In a small Texas town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature bothered me: the three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!”
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, “See, it says right here, ‘The three wise men came from afar.’”

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn’t get a date.



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