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A guy in a restaurant orders chicken noodle soup. He starts to eat the soup and chokes on a hair in the soup. After gagging for a minute, he calls the waitress. “I’m not paying for this soup. There was a hair in it.”

The waitress and customer get into a bit of an argument over the problem. The guy ends up storming out of the restaurant without paying. The waitress sees the guy go across the street to a house of ill repute. The waitress’s shift is over in about 15 minutes. She hurries over to the hooker house and finds out where the guy is.

The waitress crashes into the room where the guy and lady of the evening are engaging. As she walks in, the waitress sees the guy with his face in the hooker’s business area. The waitress, seeing this, says, “You wouldn’t pay for the chicken noodle soup because you found hair in it. Now look where your face is.”

The guy, upon pulling his face out of the muff, turns to the waitress and says, “And if I find a noodle in there, I won’t pay for that either!!!”

10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.

9. Ask, “Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?”

8. After he describes each special, you shout, “Garbage!”

7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, “Minimum wage”.

6. Every few seconds, yell, “More waffles, Cuomo!”

5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.

4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, “You wouldn’t charge Superman for dinner, would you?”

3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.

2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, “He’s gonna spit in the chowder!”

1. Three words: eat the check.

With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, it’s little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible. In one particularly cruel move, the proprietors of a chocolate catalog purchased the mailing list of a weight-loss organization. Chocolate sales rose almost immediately, but the weight-loss group wised up and now keeps it clients’ names to itself.

A guy in a restaurant orders chicken noodle soup. He starts to eat the soup and chokes on a hair in the soup. After gagging for a minute, he calls the waitress. “I’m not paying for this soup. There was a hair in it.”

The waitress and customer get into a bit of an argument over the problem. The guy ends up storming out of the restaurant without paying. The waitress sees the guy go across the street to a house of ill repute. The waitress’s shift is over in about 15 minutes. She hurries over to the hooker house and finds out where the guy is.

The waitress crashes into the room where the guy and lady of the evening are engaging. As she walks in, the waitress sees the guy with his face in the hooker’s business area. The waitress, seeing this, says, “You wouldn’t pay for the chicken noodle soup because you found hair in it. Now look where your face is.”

The guy, upon pulling his face out of the muff, turns to the waitress and says, “And if I find a noodle in there, I won’t pay for that either!!!”

This girl is feeling a bit down in the dumps and decides to treat herself to a meal at the Ritz. She manages to get a table that very night and enjoys a delicious meal on her own, nothing too extravagant but nice all the same.

The head waiter brings the bill and she’s horrified to see the total: 150 bucks!

She didn’t expect this at all and asks the waiter, “Would you mind holding my breasts while I write the check please?”

The head waiter is taken aback. In all his years in the job he’s never been asked that before, but always eager to please the customer, he obliges.

She gets up to leave and the waiter is still perplexed. His curiosity gets the better of him and he catches up with her at the door, “I’m sorry to bother you Miss but I’d like to know why you asked me to do that just now.”

“Oh it’s quite simple really,” she replies. “I love to have my breasts held when I’m being screwed!”



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