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I thought you were trying to get into shape?

I am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle.

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.

There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”

A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself. Soon, the waitress came over to take his order, “…and to drink?” she asked. The man said he would like coffee.

The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it on the man’s lap when she stopped at the table. “Oh my god, I am so sorry!”

“That’s OK,” the man said sopping up the puddle on his pants with his a napkin. “But tell me, is this regular or decaf?”

“Regular,” she replied.

“Oh great, now this thing is going to be up all night!”

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.

Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. “I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!”

“That’s okay, dearie,” the aunt replied. “After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway.”



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