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Cologne, May 27 dpa – The U.S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many “Big Mac” hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany’s leading institutes.

The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald’s restaurant chain is increasingly being used by economists around the world as a measure of currencies’ relative purchasing power.

The institute said that currency exchange rates are often unreliable as an instrument to measure purchasing power. At the same time, “baskets” of products used to arrive at comparative purchasing power are complicated to compile.

A simple alternative, now that McDonald’s has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said.

“A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, his 18 marks in Germany can just barely obtain four Big Macs,” the IW said.

Conclusion: based on the Big Mac index, the dollar is undervalued, the institute said.

Americans can get their best Big Mac buy these days in Moscow, where one sandwich costs only about 59 cents.

But Russians must “work nearly two days in order to afford this meaty capitalist achievement – longer than people in any other country”, the IW said.

A man is crawling through the Sahara desert when he is approached by another man riding on a camel. As the rider approaches, the crawling man whispers through his parched lips, “Water … please … can you give … water …”

“I’m sorry,” replies the man on the camel, “I don’t have any water with me. But I’d be delighted to sell you a necktie.”

“Necktie?” whispers the man. “I need water!”

“They’re only four dollars apiece.”

“I need water.”

“Okay, okay, two for seven dollars.”

“Please! I need water!” the man exclaims.

“I don’t have any water, all I have are ties,” replies the salesman, as he heads off into the distance.

By now the man has lost all track of time, crawling through the desert seemingly for days. Finally, nearly dead, with clothes tattered and skin peeling under the relentless sun, he comes upon a restaurant. Summoning his last bit of strength, he staggers to the door and confronts the head waiter.

“Water … can I get … water,” the dying man pleads.

“I’m sorry, sir. Neckties required,” replies the waiter.

In January 1994, ‘The Economist’ magazine reported that one of Secretary of Energy Hazel O’Leary’s success stories about government research scientists hired out for civilian business uses was the Argonne National Laboratory’s helping McDonald’s to find a way to speed up french frying. A team headed by physicist Tuncer Kuzay, who interrupted his work on advanced photons, placed sensors inside the frozen fries and was able to design special frying baskets to deal with the effect of steam created by melting ice crystals and to cut 30 to 40 seconds off each batch’s frying time.

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the table. The diner was impressed.

“Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?”

The waiter replied, “Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out, he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen.”

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, “Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?”

The waiter replied, “Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men’s room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to get my penis out, go, and return to work. Since I don’t actually touch myself, there’s no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time.”

“Wait a minute,” said the diner. “How do you get your penis back in your pants?”

“Well, I don’t know about the other guys, but I use the spoon!”

MONDAY:

Breakfast – Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth

Lunch – Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.

Afternoon snack – Drink the maalox

Dinner – Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don’t eat the coleslaw.

TUESDAY:

Breakfast – Eat the coleslaw

Lunch – Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.

Dinner – Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho’s.

WEDNESDAY:

Breakfast – Jaws couldn’t eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho’s

Lunch – Rolaids and a coke

Dinner – Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps

THURSDAY:

Breakfast – Order out for pizza

Lunch – Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.

Dinner – Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives.

FRIDAY:

Breakfast – Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it’s better for you.

Lunch – Skip lunch, Fridays are murder

Dinner – Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don’t eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.

SATURDAY:

Breakfast – Sleep through it.

Lunch – Ditto

Dinner – Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.

SUNDAY:

Breakfast – Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.

Lunch – Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch.

Dinner – Chicken noodle soup – Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.



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