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Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month – a short in the homeowner’s newly installed fire prevention alarm system. “This is even worse than last year,” said the distraught homeowner, “when someone broke in and stole my new security system…”

Q: Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?

A: He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

On the first night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.
On the second night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, two matzoh balls and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.
On the third night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.
On the fourth night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, four pounds of salt beef, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.
On the fifth night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, five pickled cucumbers, four pounds of salt beef, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.
On the sixth night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, six boobas cooking, five pickled cucumbers, four pounds of salt beef, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.
On the seventh night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, seven rabbis dancing, six boobas cooking, five pickled cucumbers four pounds of salt beef, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.
On the eighth night of Chanukah, someone sent to me, eight fiddlers fiddling, seven rabbis dancing, six boobas cooking, five pickled cucumbers, four pounds of salt beef, three golden latkes, two matzoh balls, and a warm bagel topped with cream cheese.

During a maths lesson at school, the teacher points to little Benny and asks, “Benny, what’s 3 percent?”
Benny sits for a while shaking his head and then replies, “You’re right Miss, what’s 3 percent?”

It’s dinner time and Jeremy is finding it hard to get through his chicken soup. To be honest, he really doesn’t much like its taste or consistency. His wife Sarah sees her Jeremy struggling with it and so asks him, “What’s wrong with the soup, Jeremy?”
“Although you’re the best cook in the world, darling,” replies Jeremy, “when it comes to chicken soup, you’ve got a lot to learn. I don’t want to upset you, but I just don’t like your soup. My mother Miriam makes the best chicken soup in the world. Why don’t you ask her for her recipe?”
“Oy vay, Jeremy,” replies Sarah, “you know how Miriam hates me. She would never tell me such a thing.”
“But your mother Hetty also makes an excellent chicken soup,” says Jeremy. “Surely she must have told you how.”
“Jeremy,” says Sarah, “This was the recipe she gave me. I guess Hetty hates you just as much as Miriam hates me.”



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