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A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

“Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit. “They must be British.”

“Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.”

“No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out, “they have only an apple to eat, and they’re being told this is paradise. They are Russian.”

Young Morris asked his father, “Dad, was Adam Jewish?”
His father put down his newspaper and thought for a moment. He was an expert at Talmudic reasoning and in the art of making a point by an unanswerable question.
He replied, “If we can determine that Eve was Jewish, my son, we would at once see that Adam was Jewish, for who but a Jew could bring himself to marry a Jewish girl?” (Here he turned his head a bit nervously to make sure his wife wasn’t listening.)
“Therefore, we can drop the Adam problem and instead ask ourselves, “Was Eve Jewish?”
“To answer that, we have only to ask the question, “Would anyone but a Jewish girl say, ‘Here, have a piece of fruit’?”

A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a wedding.
An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. “Do you love her?”
The old man replied, “I guess.”
“Is she a good Jewish woman?”
“I don’t know for sure,” the old man answered.
“Does she have lots of money?” asked the rabbi.
“I doubt it.”
“Then why are you marrying her?” the rabbi asked.
“She can drive at night,” the old man said

One day, as Isaac Levy is driving home, a lorry crashes into his car. He’s very lucky and suffers only moderate injuries. Nevertheless, he’s off work for two months. As a result, he contacts a Personal Injury lawyer who, after hearing the details, recommends that Isaac take the lorry driver to court for dangerous driving. Isaac agrees.
A few weeks later, Isaac arrives in Court and soon he’s in the witness box answering questions thrown at him by the lorry driver’s very aggressive defence lawyer.
“Mr Levy,” asks the lawyer, “did you or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?”
“Vell, I’ll tell you exactly vot happened at the scene of the accident,” replies Isaac. “I had only just put my dog Cindy into the – ”
“Mr Levy,” interrupts the lawyer, “I didn’t ask you for any details. All I need from you is a simple answer to my question – did you or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine, thank you, I’m fine’?”
“Vell,” replies Isaac, “as I vas saying, I just got mine Cindy into my car and vas driving down the road ven – ”
“Mr Levy!” Once again the lawyer interrupts Isaac. This time, the lawyer turns to the judge and says, “Your
Honour, I’m trying to establish an important fact. This man told the Police Officer at the scene of the accident that he was just fine. Now he’s trying to sue my client. I believe, your Honour, that Mr Levy is a liar. Please tell him to simply answer my question.”
But the Judge is now interested in Isaac’s reply and says to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what Mr Levy has to say about his dog Cindy.”
On hearing this, Isaac continues, “Vell, like I vas saying, your Lordship, I put mine Cindy, mine vunderful, friendly Cindy, into the car and drove off. But within minutes, a large lorry vent across a red light and crashed into my car. I vas trapped by mine legs and vas in pain. Den I heard mine Cindy moaning and whimpering. Oy, it vas the vorst sound I haf ever heard and I knew she vas seriously hurt. Then the police arrived. Vun of them heard mine lovely Cindy whimpering so he vent over to her, saw vat terrible condition she vas in, took out his gun and shoots mine Cindy dead. Den the policeman walks over to me in my car and I see he’s still holding his gun. He looks at me and says, ‘How are you feeling?’ So nu, your Lordship, vat vould you haf said?”

Moshe is an inventor, or at least he thinks he is. After spending many months in his study working on his latest ideas, he rings the Patent Office and books an appointment. When he arrives, the receptionist greets him, “Good morning Mr. Levy. I see you’re booked to meet with one of our consultants to discuss your three new inventions. Before you do so, however, I have to fill in this form. I only need to ask you some basic questions. Is this OK with you?”
“Yes, it’s fine, thank you,” replies Moshe.
After asking Moshe the usual questions such as name, address, nationality and age, the receptionist goes on to ask, “And what is your first invention, Mr Levy?”
“I’ve invented a folding bottle,” replies Moshe, proudly.
“And do you have a name for it?” she asks.
“Yes, I call it a FOTTLE,” replies Moshe.
“And what’s your second invention?” she asks, smiling ever so slightly.
“I’ve invented a folding carton,” replies Moshe.
“And what do you call that?” she asks.
“I call it a FARTON,” replies Moshe.
At that, she can’t help laughing as she says, “If I may say so, Mr Levy, those are rather silly names for new products. And the name of your carton is a bit rude too.”
Moshe is not prepared to take any further ridicule from her and walks out of the office. He doesn’t even tell her about his third invention, his folding bucket.

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