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There was a time when Pharaoh was repeatedly breaking his promise to release the children of Israel from bondage in Egypt.
So Aaron said to his wife, “You know Sarah, this Pharaoh is really turning out to be a first class momzer.”
“Aaron,” said Sarah, “You mustn’t say such things. We are all one family. Don’t forget we are all children of God, even Pharaoh.”
“I cannot deny that this is true,” replied Aaron, “but this Pharaoh, he must come from your side of the family!”

Rabbi Cohen was saying his goodbyes to his congregation after his Sabbath service, as he always does, when Esther Glickman came up to him in tears.
“What’s bothering you so, dear?” inquired Rabbi Cohen.
“Oh, Rabbi, I’ve got terrible news,” replied Esther.
“Well what is it, Esther?”
“Well, my husband, passed away last night, Rabbi.”
“Oh, Esther”, said the Rabbi, “That’s terrible. Tell me Esther, did he have any last requests?”
“Well, yes he did Rabbi,” replied Esther.
“What did he ask, Esther?”
Esther replied, “He said, ‘Please, please Esther, put down the gun… ‘

A Christian lady met a jewish lady in a restaurant and they got talking.
The Christian lady boasted that her son was training to become a priest. “We have big ambitions for him as he’s so talented”, she explained.
“What do you mean?” inquired the jewish lady.
“Well if he’s really good, he could become a bishop”
“Is that the best he can do?” retorted the jewish lady.
“Well if he excels he could become a cardinal or even the Pope!”
“Is that the best he can do?” inquired the jewish lady again.
“Well what do you him to become, G-d?” retorted the Christian lady.
“Why not,” replied the Jewish lady, “one of our boys managed it!”

Shlomo, driving a Yugo in Tel Aviv, pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce, rolls down his window, and smiles at the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. Have you got a phone in it? I’ve got one in my Yugo!”
David, the driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, “Yes, I have a phone.”
“Cool!” continues Shlomo. “Have you got a fridge in there, too? I got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!”
David, looking annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”
Shlomo goes on, “That’s great! Listen, have you got a TV in there? I got a one right next to me.”
David, looking very annoyed by now, says, “Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”
“Say,” persists Shlomo, “Have you got a bed in your car? I got one in the back of my Yugo!”
Upset that he hadn’t, David immediately drove off straight to his dealer and demanded that a bed be installed in the back of the car. The next morning David picked up his car, with a superb bed in it, a bed fit for a Rolls Royce…
David immediately went searching for the Yugo, and only late in the afternoon he found it parked, with all its windows fogged up from the inside.
He knocked on the Yugo, and finally Shlomo stuck his head out, soaking wet.
“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” David stated arrogantly.
“Jesus!” complained Shlomo, “You got me out of the shower to tell me this?”

Q. Do you know the difference between an Auburn fan getting run over by a car and an Alabama fan?

A. There are skid marks in front of the Bama fan!!

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