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Freda goes into her son’s bedroom. “You’ve got to get up for school, Yossi.”
Yossi pulls the blankets over his head and replies, “I don’t want to go to school, mother.”
“But you have to,” Freda said.
“I don’t want to. The teachers don’t like me and all the kids make fun of me.” Freda pulls the blanket back a little, “Yossi, you don’t have any choice. You’ve got to get up for school.”
“OK, OK”, says Yossi, “But only if you give me one very good reason!”
“You’re 52 years old and you’re the headmaster.”

The last time I was I New York, my daughter requested that I bring back a Barbi doll. So I stopped in a toy store in the Jewish area and started looking around.
“How much is this Barbie doll set?”
“$19.95.” the Jewish merchant answered.
“How much is the set here, Barbie at the beach?”
“Also $19.95.”
I eyed another set, “how much is Barbie in the discotecque?”
“Also $19.95.”
“And this one here, Barbie at home?”
“Also $19.95.”
“Well, what about this one, Barbie goes shopping?”
“Also $19.95.”
“O.K., how about this, Barbie gets married?”
“Also $19.95.”
“And this, Barbie plays tennis?”
“Also $19.95.”
“What about this one. Barbie get a Bat Mitzvah?”
“Also $19.95.”
I eyed the last one and hoping for a lower price asked, “How much is this, Barbie gets a divorce?”
“Ah, dots $199.95!”
“Wow, why so much?”
“Vell, dot comes vit Ken’s car, Ken’s wardrobe, Ken’s house, und, Ken’s benk account!”

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the bible, the priest says, ” My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays.
“The man thinks: ” What does a priest know about sex?”
So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter.
He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, “My son, sex is definitely play.”
The man replies, “Rabbi, how can you be o sure when so many others tell me sex is work?”
The Rabbi softly speaks, “If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it.”

Two doctors are having a conversation over lunch. Simon says, “Every day, Abe, all I hear from my patients are stories of suffering and pain. They describe their back problems, their stomach problems and their headaches. I don’t think I can take much more. But what about you, Abe? You always seem so calm. So tell me, how do you cope so well listening to all these problems?”
Abe replies, “So who listens?”

Two Americans, Bob and Jeff, decide to open a bungee-jumping business in Mexico. They set up on the square of a small village.

Bob jumps, bounces at the end of the cord, and flies back up by the platform. Jeff isn’t able to catch his friend, but he notices he has a few cuts and scratches.

Bob falls again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, Jeff misses him.

The third time it happens, Bob comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Jeff finally catches him and says, “Holy cow, what happened? Was the cord too long?”

Bob looks confused and says, “No, the cord was fine… but what the heck is a pinata?”



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