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My dear Moshe,

I am writing to tell you that I have been unable to sleep ever since I broke off our engagement. Won’t you please, please forgive me? Not being able to hug you any more is breaking my heart. I admit that I was a fool. Nobody can take your place. I really love you.
All my undying love
Becky
——————
P.S. Mazeltov on winning the top lottery prize this week.

They wanted it to be a very special occasion, one, which would never be forgotten. A safari Bar Mitzvah was being done too often, a neighbor’s son had had his ceremony at the Wailing Wall, and the South
Pole was just too cold.
So the father of the boy arranged to rent the shuttle from NASA and take the Rabbi, family, and all their friends into space. The scientists had returned from MIR and it was not being used at present. The excursion created a lot of worldwide attention, and all the press was there to find out how it went.
The first person off the shuttle was the grandmother, and the reporters asked her, “How was the service?”
Grandma answered, “OK”.
“How was the boy’s speech?”
“OK.”
“How was the food?”
“OK.”
“Everything was just OK? You don’t seem to have liked it? What was wrong?”
“There was no atmosphere!”

Marcus Brutus Goldstein earned his living in the great market of ancient Rome. He was a tailor and made togas which he would sell from his market stall. His marketing ploy was to shout out his wares for sale, “Togas! Come buy your togas here – the finest togas in all of Rome!”
Unfortunately, business was not good.
His friend Moshe suggested that the problem was due to the cold weather. He should therefore line the garments with a fine quality wool lining.
Marcus Brutus Goldstein decided to use the finest quality Kashmir linings. From that day on, he could be heard plying his trade in the market, shouting to passers-by, “Kashmir in togas!”

Sean is waiting for a bus when another man joins him at the bus stop. After 20 minutes of waiting, Sean is hungry so he takes a sandwich from his lunch box and starts to eat. But noticing the other man watching, Sean asks, “Would you like one? My wife has made me plenty.”
“Thank you very much, but I must decline your kind offer,” says the other man, “I’m Rabbi Levy.”
“Nice to meet you, Rabbi,” says Sean, “but my sandwiches are alright for you to eat. They only contain cheese. There’s no meat in them.”
“It’s very kind of you,” says Rabbi Levy, “but today we Jews are celebrating Passover. It would be a great sin to eat a sandwich because during the 8 days of Passover, we cannot eat bread. In fact it would be a great sin – comparable to the sin of adultery.”
“OK,” says Sean, “but it’s difficult for me to understand the significance of what you’ve just said.”
Many weeks later, Sean and Rabbi Levy meet again. Sean says, “Do you remember, Rabbi, that we met recently and that I’d offered you a sandwich which you refused because you said eating bread on Passover would be as great a sin as that of adultery?”
Rabbi Levy replies, “Yes I remember saying that.”
“Well, Rabbi,” says Sean, “that day, I went over to my mistress’s apartment and told her what you said. We then tried out both the sins, but I must admit, we just couldn’t see the comparison.”

Abes business in Glasgow fails and he climbs onto a bridge over the river to end it all. A kind Glaswegian climbs up to persuade him to come down.
“Do you follow football?” he asks Abe.
“Yes I do,” replies Abe.
“Do you support Glasgow Rangers by any chance?”
“No,” replies Abe.
“Well,” asks the Glaswegian, “do you support Glasgow Celtic, then?”
Again Abe replies, “No.”
“Then jump, you stupid atheist, jump,” says the Glaswegian.



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