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The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. “Colonel!” he spat out. “Yes, general!” the colonel quavered. “Your troops, your troops,” stormed the general. “They look very nice, they stand very nice, but they stink, man, they stink! Can’t you get them to change their underwear?” He strode away furiously. The colonel sniffed for himself. “The general, yes, he’s right. Now, Luigi change with Guiseppi, Carlo change with Giovanni…

The family of an elderly Arab gentleman have searched everywhere for a
nursing home for him. At last they find one – a Jewish home.

Some days pass, and his son calls to visit. “How is it here?” he asks.
“It’s great”, the old man replies. “Do you know, they address everyone
here by their title, no matter how long it is since they practised their vocation.

“There’s a conductor who hasn’t stood in front of an orchestra for 30
years, but they still call him maestro. And a doctor who hasn’t lifted a
stethoscope for 20 years, but is still addressed as Doctor Cohen. An
academic who retired 25 years ago is still called Professor.”

“What about you?” the son asks. “It’s the same with me”, replies the old
man. “I haven’t had sexual intercourse for 40 years, but they still call me
the fucking Arab.”

Benny was talking to his best friend Sam. “Don’t tell anyone, Sam, but mine Sadie once again had a headache last night. ”
“Really? ” said Sam.
“Yes,” replied Benny, “it’s been like this for some weeks now and I’ve been thinking that they must have named a Jewish holiday after my sex life.”
“Which one?” Sam asked.
“Passover.”

One shabbes morning, Rabbi Levy notices seven year old David staring up at the large plaque hanging in the shul foyer. It was covered with names and small British flags were mounted on either side of it. David has been staring at the plaque for some time, so Rabbi Levy walks over to him and says quietly, “Good shabbes, David.”
“Good shabbes, Rabbi,” replies David, still focusing on the plaque. “Rabbi, what is this?” David then asks.
“Well, David,” replies Rabbi Levy, “it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”
Soberly, they stand together, staring at the large plaque. Then little David’s voice is barely audible as he asks, “Which one, the Friday night or the Saturday service?”

Mathematics of a Jewish relationship

Wise man + Wise woman = Romance
Wise man + Dumb woman = Affair
Dumb man + Wise woman = Marriage
Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy



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