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A big-shot Anchorage lawyer flew out west to go goose hunting on the Kusko. Decked out in his expensive hunting gear, he shot and dropped a bird, but it fell onto the property of an elder’s fish camp. As the lawyer walked into the fish camp to retrieve the bird, the elder asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, “I shot that goose and it fell here, and now I’m going to get it.”

The elder replied, “This is my property, and that is now my goose.” The lawyer said, “Listen, old-timer, I am a Big City Lawyer, if you don’t give me that goose, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”

The elder smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things on the river. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule.” The lawyer asked, “What is the Three-Kick Rule?” The elder replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.” The attorney thought about it and decided he could easily take the little old fellow, and agreed.

The elder slowly climbed down from his chair and walked up to the lawyer with steel-toed boots. His first kick to the lawyer’s groin dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The lawyer was belly down when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will, dragged himself to his feet and wheezed through bleeding lips, “Okay, you old coot, now it’s my turn!” The elder smiled and said, “Nope, I give up. The goose is yours.”

Two giants went out for a stroll,after walking for a while one of the giants put his hand down through the clouds to see where they were and told the other one that they were in London because he could feel Big Ben.
Later he put his hand throught he clouds and said they were in Paris because he could feel the Eiffel Tower.
Five minutes later he put his hand through the clouds and said they were in Rome,he knew they were in Rome because someone had stolen his watch.

Even though they know San Francisco is due for another big earthquake, Lionel and his wife decide to go there to celebrate their silver wedding anniversary. Unluckily, at midnight on their first night, they experience their first violent earthquake. It wasn’t the BIG one, though, and when morning comes, Lionel goes down to hotel reception to find out more about the event. As he’s waiting to be seen, another hotel guest walks up to him and says, “Say, mister, did you feel the earthquake during the night?”
“I sure did,” replies Lionel, “My wife and I are here on holiday from London and I never realised a quake could be so terrible. I thought the hotel was going to collapse on top of us.”
“So what were you doing during the earthquake?” asks the other guest.
“Well, if you must know,” replies Lionel, smiling, “whilst the earthquake was actually taking place, I was experiencing my best sexual performance ever.”
“Mazeltov,” says the other guest, “what did your wife think about it?”
Lionel replies, “Well, it damn near woke her up!”

Max and Hyman are having a chat about what it would be like to own the richest things money can buy. “So what about owning the biggest diamond in the world?” says Max. “Now that’s something I wouldn’t mind having in my display case. Real cool.”
“Yes, I agree,” says Hyman. “By the way, Max, what’s the name of this world’s biggest diamond?”
“Koh-i-noor.” replies Max.
“I might have guessed it would be a Jewish diamond,” says Hyman.

Abe is reading his Jewish Chronicle when his wife Ruth walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with her hand.
“What on earth was that for?” shouts Abe.
“That,” she replies, “was because I found a piece of paper in your pocket with the name Judith Pasha written on it.”
“You’ve got it all wrong, darling,” Abe says. “Don’t you remember last week when I went to Ascot races? Well, Judith Pasha was the name of one of the horses I bet on whilst I was there.”
Ruth gives a shrug and walks away muttering to herself.
A few days later, Abe is reading his Times newspaper when Ruth again walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head, but this time much harder.
“What was that for?” Abe shouts, rubbing the back of his head.
Ruth replies, “Your horse just called.”



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