Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100253 jokes and pictures!


Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Mexico City. One has a cross in front of him. The other one the Star of David. Many people go
by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a ‘Star of David’ in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite.”

The beggar behind the ‘Star of David’ listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: “Moishe, look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing.”

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replaced with “k”. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik emthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent “e”s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” by z” and “w” by v

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou”, and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru!

This is the prayer that an Italian Catholic girl said, kneeling in front of the statue of the Madonna:
“You who conceived without sin, let me sin without conceiving!”

Abe comes home one day and shows his wife Hette the two CDs he’s just bought from a friend in the office. Hette takes one look at them and shouts, “Are you stupid? What’s this rubbish you’ve bought with our hard earned money? You haven’t got a CD to play them on.”
“So what,” replies Abe, “Remember when you bought those two bras last week? Did you hear me say anything?”

Some quotes you might not be aware of

* After all the money we spent on braces, is that the biggest smile you can give me? [Mona Lisa's Jewish Mother]
* I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you could have still written. [Columbus' Jewish Mother]
* Of course I’m proud you invented the electric light bulb. Now be a good boy and turn it off and go to bed. [Thomas Edison's Jewish mother]
* But it’s your Barmitzvah photo. Couldn’t you do something about your hair? [Albert Einstein's Jewish mother]
* That’s a nice story. So now tell me where you’ve really been for the last 40 years. [Jonah's Jewish mother]



© 2015 ijokedb.com