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What is the definition of a maniac?
An Italian in a brothel with a credit card.

David has done well for himself and is Mayor of a small town in Israel.
One day, David and his wife Andrea are walking past a construction site. Suddenly, one of the construction workers stops and calls out
“What’s new, Andrea?”
“Why, it’s nice to see you again Avi,” Andrea replies. She turns to introduce David to the construction worker, and they speak for several minutes.
After David and Andrea continue on, he turns to her and asks how she knows Avi.
“Oh,” Andrea said. “We went to the same high school. I even thought about marrying him.”
David began to laugh. “You don’t realise how lucky you are. If I hadn’t come along, today you would be the wife of a construction worker!”
Andrea replied without hesitation, “Not really. If I had married him, he’d now be a Mayor!”

One year, Louis didn’t know what to buy his mother-in-law for her birthday, so he bought her a large plot in Bushey cemetery.
The following year, Louis bought her nothing for her birthday and his wife was quick to comment loud and long on his thoughtlessness to her mother.
“So, why didn’t you buy her something?” she snapped at him.
“Well, she hasn’t used the gift I gave her last year,” he replied.

One summer, Abe Cohen went swimming in the sea at Margate and almost drowned. Luckily, when he cried out for help, some swimmers came to his aid. As he was helped out of the water, he took a solemn oath:
“I swear I shall never to go into the water again until I learn how to swim!”

Rachel and Sarah meet one day in Brent Cross shopping centre.
“Is it true, Rachel,” asks Sarah, “that your son Benjy has moved out of law?”
“Yes, it’s true,” replies Rachel, “he’s now a salesman in a tailor shop.”
“Mazeltov,” says Sarah, “but a salesman? Is he any good at it?”
Rachel replies, “Is he any good? Why he’s brilliant. Only yesterday a woman comes into his shop to buy a suit to bury her poor late husband in. And guess what my Benjy did? He talked her into buying an extra pair of trousers.”



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