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A tourist in San Francisco is walking around in Chinatown and sees a sign that says “Moishe Plotnik’s Chinese Laundry”. Moishe Plotnik? Where the heck does that come from?
So he walks in and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. He asks, “How did a place like this get a name like “Moishe Plotnik’s Chinese Laundry?”
The old man answers, “Is name of owner.”
The tourist asks, “Well who and where is the owner?”
“Me right here,” replies the old man.
“You? How did YOU get a name like Moishe Plotnik?”
“Is simple… Many year ago when come to this country, standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, “What’s your name?” He say, “Moishe Plotnik.” Then she look at me and go, “What your name?” I say, “Sem Ting… “

Moishe telephoned his wife Sadie. “Sadie, darling, I’ve got some good news. You know that Lloyd Webber musical you’ve always wanted to see?”
“Well, I’ve just bought us two tickets to see it.”
“Oh Moishe, that’s marvellous. I’ll start dressing immediately.”
“Sadie, that’s just what I wanted to hear you say. The tickets are for tomorrow night’s performance.”

Hyman is a very rich and successful businessman. As it is coming up to his wife Rivka’s birthday, he decides to buy her a really special birthday present. So he tells his chauffeur to take him to the best art shops in New Bond Street in London. He soon finds what he’s looking for – a beautiful Rembrandt painting and he buys it without a moment’s hesitation.
As soon as Hyman gets back home, he opens his front door and shouts, “Rivka, Rivka, have I got a Rembrandt for you!”
To which Rivka replies, “Efsha it will make a skirt.”

Melvyn goes to his girlfriend’s house for the first time. Sharon shows him into the living room and then excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a colourful little vase on the mantelpiece and picks it up. As he’s looking at it, Sharon walks back in.
Melvyn says, “What’s this?”
Sharon says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.”
Melvyn is suddenly lost for words. He says, “Jeez… oooh… .I… ”
Sharon then says, “Yes, he’s too lazy to get up off the couch and go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.”

* A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.

* A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.

* Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.

* The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

* Arkansas must be pronounced “Arkansaw”

* A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.

* Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.

* It is illegal to kill “any living creature”.

* It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.

* No person shall sound the horn on a vechicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M.

Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54

* Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

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