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Moshe is lucky enough to meet Arthur Rubinstein, the famous concert pianist, and within minutes of meeting him, Moshe persuades him to drop by his house to listen to his wonderful daughter Emma play the piano.
As soon as Emma finishes her favourite piano piece, she looks at Rubinstein and asks, “So what do you think I should do now, Mr Rubinstein?”
Rubinstein immediately replies, “I think you should get married.”

Sylvia looks out the picture window and says to Becky, “What a husband you have! He just pulled up and he’s carrying a boquet of roses!” “Oy!” says Becky. “That means I’ll just have to lay with my legs spread tonight!” “Why,” says Sulvia, “don’t you have a vase?”

Avrahom has just been shopping and is walking home down Golders Green High Road carrying lots of parcels when a man comes up to him.
“Excuse me. Do you know where I can find Levy’s bagel bakery?”
Avrahom hands over the parcels he is carrying to the stranger, spreads his arms out as wide as he can, shrugs and replies, “How should I know?”

Moishe and Sadie were touring the Middle East. As part of the day’s itinerary, they took a trip to the local bazaar. The couple visited many of the shops there and spoke to numerous vendors who were dotted around the square. One of the stalls was selling sandals. But not any old sandals, said the owner. “My sandals will increase the sexual prowess of whoever wears them. I guarantee this.”
Moishe told the owner that he wasn’t interested, but Sadie looked at Moishe and insisted that he buy a pair. She said it might help him. Seeing that look in her eyes, he decided it was futile to argue.
Before paying for them, Moishe wanted to make sure that they fitted him, so he tried them on. Immediately, Moishe grabbed hold of the owner, threw him on the table, and started to rip his clothes off.
“Stop, stop”, yelled the owner. “You’ve put them on the wrong feet!”

Q: what do u call an italian eating hamburger?
A: WOPPER!



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