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A minister, a priest and Rabbi Samuels went for a walk in the country. It was a very hot day. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water naked. When they came out, they were feeling so refreshed that the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.”
But as they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and Rabbi Samuels covered his face.
After the ladies had left and the men had got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked Rabbi Samuels why he covered his face rather than his privates.
Rabbi Samuels replied, “I don’t know about you, but in MY congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”

Sadie has died and today is her levoyah. Her husband Nathan and many of their family and friends are standing round the grave as Sadie’s coffin is lowered into the ground. Then, as is the custom, many of the mourners pick up some spades and help to fill the open grave with earth.
But on their way back to the prayer hall, the sky suddenly darkens, rain starts to fall, flashes of lightening fill the sky and loud thunder claps batter their ears.
Nathan turns to his rabbi and says, “Well rabbi, she’s arrived OK.”

Fred and his blonde wife went fishing in Alaska.

In the middle of nowhere where the place is filled with nothing but white snow.

They finally found a lake and so they cast their lines.

After an hour or two fred’s wife yelled. “honey come quick i got a bite.”

So Fred rush to his wife only to find out her line is lying flat and can’t see any movement.

So he said “your line not moving hon, no one is biting.

I got a bite”, she insist.

“Where ?” ask Fred.

“My foot, i got a frost bite.”

These two guys had both just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again.

They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.

They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, “Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year.”

The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.

The guys said “What’s that board for?”

The trader said, “Well, where you’re going there are no women and you might need this.”

They said “No way! We’ve sworn off women for life!” The trader said,” Well, take the boards with you and if you don’t use them I’ll refund your money next year.

“Okay,” they said and left.

Next year this guy came into the trader’s store and said “Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year.”

The trader said, “Weren’t you in here last year with a partner?”

“Yeah” said the guy.

“Where is he?” asked the trader.

“I shot him” said the guy.

“Why?”

“I caught him in bed with my board.”

Did you hear about the Jewish Mother cash machine? When you take out some money, it says to you “Nu, what did you do with the last



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