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Sam is recovering from a recent heart attack and goes to visit Dr Myers, his cardiologist. After a full check up, Dr Myers tells Sam that he will be able to resume his sex life as soon as he can climb two flights of stairs without getting out of breath.
Sam says, “OK, but what if I only look for women who live on the ground floor?”

Sadie took her husband Bernie to see a psychiatrist for a check up. After examining him, the doctor took Sadie to one side and said, “I have some very bad news for you. There is nothing I can do to help your husband. His mind has completely gone.”
“I’m not really surprised,” Sadie replied, “Bernie’s been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 50 years.”

A Tucsonian was visiting New York for his first time. After site-seeing for quite some time, he was on his way home. While checking out of his hotel at the front desk, the clerk asked him, “So, what did you think of New York?”

“Well, the Statue Of Liberty was great, I rode on the subway for the first time, and I saw an exhilirating show on Broadway. But…”

“But what?,” said the clerk.

“Well, I didn’t get a good look at the Hudson River. It was always full of water.

Max is a student at Manchester University and rings his mother. “Hi mum,” he says, “I thought you should know that I’ve just switched courses and I’m now taking Psychology.”
“Oy veh,” says his mother, “I suppose you’ll now be analyzing everyone in the family.”
“Oh no, mum,” he replies, “I dont take abnormal psychology until next term.”

Maurice and Hettie are out shopping one morning when Hettie says, “Darling, it’s my mothers birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric.”
Maurice replies, “How about a chair?”

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