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Sarah, a middle aged Jewish woman goes in search of a famous guru. She takes a plane to India and then a boat up a river, and then hikes into the mountains with local guides. All in all it takes Sarah months of hardship to track down this guru. When she finds him, he is in the middle of some kind of ritual, which will last for days and the guru’s followers won’t let Sarah see him. Finally the guru is ready to receive visitors and calls for the woman to be admitted. Sarah stands before the famous guru. “Harvey,” she says. “It’s time to come home!”

Becky was very rich. One day she telephoned a famous young artist and said she wanted to commission him to paint her. He said his fee would be $5,000, which she immediately accepted. When she arrived at his studio for the first sitting, she gave him a cheque for $7,000. The artist was very surprised and asked what the extra money was for.
“I want you to paint me in the nude,” she said, “Do you have any objections?”
“Not for $7,000 I don’t. But I would have to keep my socks on. I must have somewhere to put my brushes.”

Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street.
“Hey, Antonio,” said Luigi, “Where you been for the past two weeks? No one seen you around.”
“Dona talka to me, Luigi,” replied Antonio. “I been inna jail.”
“Jail!” exclaimed Luigi. “What for you been in jail?”
“Wella, Luigi,” Antonio said, “I was lying onna dis beach, and the cops come, arrest me and throw me inna jail.”
“But dey dona throw you in jail just for lying onna da beach!”, Luigi countered.
“Yeah, but dis beach was screamin’ and akickin’ and ayellin’!”

1) That is not right………………………………..Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?………………..Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP………………………………….Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man………………………………………Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse……………………………………..Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?…………………….Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table…………………Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift……………………Chin Tu Fat
9) It is very dark in here………………………….Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet……………….Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone……………………No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week..Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight………………………….Lei Ying Lo
14) He is cleaning his automobile…………….Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive……………….Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great…………………………………………..Fa Kin Su Pah

* The “road hog” in front of you on Main Street is a farmer’s combine.

* The local phone book has only one yellow page.

* Third Street is on the edge of town.

* You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it’s still there, on the same chair.

* You don’t signal turns because everyone knows where you’re going, anyway.

* No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished.

* You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one.

* Everyone knows all the news before it’s published; they just read the hometown paper to see whether the publisher got it right.

* The city limits signs are both on the same post!

* The City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell.

* The McDonalds only has one Golden Arch.

* The 7-11 is a 3 1/2 – 5 1/2.

* The one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions.

* The phone book has only one page.

* There’s nothing doing every minute.

* The ZIP code is a fraction.

* Second Street is in the next town over.

* There’s no place to go that you shouldn’t.

* A “Night on the Town” takes only 11 minutes.

* The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog.

* The New Year’s baby was born in October.



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