Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Moshe from Edgware builds one of the most advanced talking robots ever invented. This robot can answer just about any question asked of it, whatever the subject. Moshe announces his achievement in the Jewish Chronicle and invites scientists to the launch at the Golders Green Theatre. When the guests arrive, there stood the robot with a sign around its neck: -

ASK ME ANY QUESTION AND I’LL GIVE YOU THE CORRECT ANSWER

For the first 30 minutes, dozens of questions are asked and the robot always gives the correct answer. Everyone is amazed. Then Hymie goes up to the robot and asks, “Where, at this very moment, is my father?”
The robot immediately replies, “Your father is at present lying on the beach in front of the Dan Hotel in Tel Aviv accompanied by a gorgeous woman.”
“Well you’re totally wrong,” says Hymie. “My father is Aaron Minkoffsky and just before I arrived, I spoke to him on the phone. He’s at home with my mother in Edgware.”
“Yes, it’s true that Aaron Minkoffsky is at home with your mother in Edgware,” says the robot, “but your father is at present lying on the beach in front of the Dan Hotel in Tel Aviv accompanied by a gorgeous woman.”

Rivkah wakes up one morning and utters a loud “Oy Vay.” She has a nagging pain in her left shoulder. She immediately goes to see her doctor.
After examining her, her doctor says, “Do you own a full length mink coat?”
“Yes doctor, mine Hymie bought me one for our silver wedding.”
“Good,” he says, “you must wear it for 3 weeks, then book to see me again.”
Rivkah returns after three weeks and says, “Well doctor, my shoulder has cleared, but I now have a pain in my left index finger.”
After examining her, he says, “Do you own a 3 or 4 carat diamond ring?”
“Yes doctor, mine Hymie bought me a 4 carat ring to celebrate the birth of Moshe, our first grandson.”
“Good,” he says, “you must wear it for 3 weeks, then book to see me again.”
Rivkah returns after three weeks and says, “Well doctor, my finger is OK but Im now getting terrible headaches behind my eyes.”
After examining her, he says, “Do you own a platinum and diamond tiara?”
“Yes doctor, mine Hymie bought me one to wear under the chuppah at our Sarahs wedding.”
“Good,” he says, “you must wear it for 3 weeks, then book to see me again.”
Rivkah returns after three weeks and says, “Well doctor, it’s a miracle. My shoulder feels great, my finger feels great and Im not getting any further headaches. Thank you very, very much. But I have one question to ask you.”
“What is it Rivkah?” asks her doctor.
“Doctor, how do you treat your non Jewish patients?”

Old Chaim is dying. His entire mishpocha is sitting around his bed, subdued and not knowing what else they can do.
They ask him, “Chaim, maybe we can fulfil your last wish?”
“Yes… I’d like… a cup of tea… with two teaspoons… of sugar.”
“Why?” they ask him.
“I’ve had a long life… and all of that time… when I drank tea in my own house… I used one spoon of sugar… When I had tea… in someone else’s house… I put three spoons of sugar in my cup… But really… really… all my life… I loved tea… with two spoonfuls of sugar.”

Q: What’s the difference between an Italian grandmother and an elephant?
A: 50 pounds and a black dress.

Abe asked his eldest son to say the motzi (blessing over bread). His son realized that he didn’t have his head covered, so he asked his little brother to put a hand on his head until he finished the blessing. But after a few minutes, the younger son grew impatient and took off his hand.
Abe said, “What are you doing? Put your hand back on your brother’s head.”
The younger son replied, “Am I my brother’s kippah?”



© 2015 ijokedb.com