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Lionel tells his friend Sidney that he’s at last looking for a wife.
“So what kind of wife are you looking for?” asks Sidney.
“Well,” replies Lionel, “she needs to be ultra beautiful, she needs to be very kind to me, and she needs to have lots of money.”
“But you can’t marry three women at the same time,” says Sidney.

An Alabama offensive lineman who doesn’t hold, a humble Florida Gator, and Santa Claus all checked into the same hotel. As they entered the elevator, they spotted a $50 bill on the floor. Who ended up with the money and why?

Answer: Santa Claus – the other two aren’t real!

A reform Rabbi was having an argument with an orthodox Rabbi.
He asked him, “Why don’t you let the men and women of your congregation sit together as they do in my congregation?”
The orthodox Rabbi (who had a mischievous sense of humour) replied, “If you want to know the truth, I don’t really mind them sitting together at all. The trouble is, however, that I give sermons and I can’t have them sleeping together.”

Q: If Goliath is resurrected, would you tell him the joke about David & Goliath?
A: No, he already fell for it once.

Q: Who was the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A: David – he rocked Goliath to sleep.

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