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It was the first time the Captain and the First Officer had flown together, and it was obvious by their silence that they didn’t get along.

After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, “I don’t like Chinese.”

The First Officer replied, “Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why that?”

The Captain said, “You bombed Pearl Harbor. That’s why I don’t like Chinese.”

The First Officer said, “Nooooo, noooo… Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbor. That JAPANESE, not Chinese.”

The Captain answered, “Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese… it doesn’t matter. They’re all alike.”

Another 30 minutes of silence.

Finally the First Officer said, “No like Jew.”

The Captain replied, “Why not? Why don’t you like Jews?”

“Jews sink Titanic.”

The Captain tried to correct him, “No, no. The Jews didn’t sink the Titanic, it was an iceberg.”

“Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg… no mattah, all same.”

McCuen stumbled out of a saloon right into the arms of Father Logan.
“Inebriated again!” declared the priest. “Shame on you! When are you going to straighten out your life?”
“Father,” asked McCuen. “What causes arthritis?”
“I’ll tell you what causes it! Drinking cheap whiskey, gambling and carousing around with loose women.
How long have you had arthritis?”
“I don’t,” slurred McCuen. “The Bishop has it!”

* A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.

* A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.

* Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.

* The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.

* Arkansas must be pronounced “Arkansaw”

* A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.

* Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.

* It is illegal to kill “any living creature”.

* It is unlawful to walk one’s cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.

* No person shall sound the horn on a vechicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M.

Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54

* Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

Frappes have ice cream; milk shakes don’t.

If it’s fizzy and flavored, it’s tonic. Soda is club soda. Pop is dad. When we mean tonic WATER, we say tonic WATER.

The smallest beer is a pint.

Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.

If you paid more than $6 a pound, you got scrod.

It’s not a water fountain, it’s a bubblah.

It’s not a trash can, it’s a barrel.

It’s not a shopping cart, it’s a carriage.

It’s not a purse, it’s a pockabook.

Brown bread comes in a can. You open both ends, push it out, heat it and eat it with baked beans.

They’re not franks, they’re haht dahgs. Franks are money in France.

Becky goes to the gynocologist who examines her and says, “Wow! You have the biggest labia I’ve ever seen!” Becky turns red and says, “I know Dr. It’s really been a source of embarassment my entire life!” The doctor eeplies, “Becky, I can reduce it very easily. Making it smaller is a simple operatrion.” “OK,” says Becky, “but I don’t want anyone to know. The only people who can know must be on a need-to-know basis!”
A week later, Becky awakens from the operation in a hospital room filled to the brim with flowers. “Dr., she exclaims, “This was on a need-to-know basis! Where did all of these flower come from?” “It was on a need-to-know basis,” he replied. “One dozen roses was from me for your being such a good patient! The rest are from Mr. Goldstein on the Burn Unit on the fourth floor who wants to thank you for his new ears!”

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