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Your grandfather had a fig tree
You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00
Plastic on the furniture is normal
You’ve been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you
Your mom’s meatballs are the best
You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners
There are more than 28 people in your bridal party

Q. What’s the difference between a University of Alabama sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Cyril gets a new job at Rothschilds Bank and immediately gets on well with his fellow investment bankers. So much so that a group of them who meet for a round of golf every Sunday ask Cyril whether he’d like to join them this Sunday at 10am.
“I’d love to,” replies Cyril, “thanks for asking. But I might be 6 minutes late.”
“No problem,” they reply.
Cyril turns up on Sunday exactly at 10am, golfs right-handed and posts the lowest score. They congratulate him and invite him to join them again next Sunday.
“I’ll be there,” Cyril says, “but I might be 6 minutes late.”
The following Sunday, Cyril turns up exactly at 10am, golfs left-handed and posts the lowest score. They again congratulate him.
This continues for a number of Sundays, with Cyril always saying that he might be 6 minutes late, and always posting the lowest score, whether he golfs left or right handed.
One Sunday, in the bar after their round of golf, his colleagues ask, “Cyril, we hope you don’t mind us asking, but every Sunday you tell us that you might be 6 minutes late, but you never are. And then, whether you play left or right-handed, you still post the lowest score. What’s it all about?”
“It’s no great deal,” replies Cyril, “I’m very superstitious. Every Sunday, when I awake, I look over at my beautiful wife Freda. If she’s sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed and if she’s sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.”
“But what if your Freda is sleeping on her back?” they ask.
Cyril replies, “Then I’m going to be 6 minutes late.”

Maurice and Hannah got married and were on their honeymoon. On their first night, they began getting undressed together for the first time.
As soon as Maurice removed his shoes and socks, Hanna quickly noticed how twisted and red looking his toes were.
“Whatever happened to your feet?” Hannah asked.
“I had a childhood disease called tolio,” replied Maurice.
“Don’t you mean polio?”
“No, tolio, it only affects the toes,” Maurice said.
Maurice then took off his trousers to reveal badly deformed, lumpy knees.
“What happened to your knees?” Hannah asked.
“Well, I also had kneasles,” replied Maurice.
“Don’t you mean measles?”
“No, kneasles, it only affects the knees,” Maurice said.
Finally Maurice removed his pants and stood there in all his glory.
Hannah gasped and said, “Don’t tell me, you also had smallcox!”

During the Great Depression, two Jewish guys are walking down the street when they happen by a Baptist Church. They see a big sign posted that says, “join our church and you get fifty dollars.”
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”
“Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”
Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”
Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it. The kids need shoes and I have to put food on the table.” With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out an hour later with a wet forehead.
“So,” asks Abe, “did you get your fifty dollars?”
Murray looks up at him and says, “Is that all you people think of?”



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