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How long does it take for an Italian to change a light bulb?
Changing it takes them about 3 hours without breaks but training them to change it takes 2 years.

Why is it so difficult to solve a murder in Arkansas?

…All the DNA is the same and there’s no dental records.

Four men, a German, and Italian, a Mexican and a Jew are walking the desert.
The German says, “I’m tired and thirsty, I must have a beer.”
The Italian says, “I’m tired and thirsty, I must have some wine.”
The Mexican says, “I’m tired and thirsty, I must have some tequila.”
The Jew says, “I’m tired and thirsty, I must have diabetes.”

Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief she got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Fay loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn’t want to hear them. To teach Fay a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she told an off-color story, they’d just get up, walk out, meet at another home but without Fay. Sure enough, at the next meeting, Fay started, “You know, girls, there’s a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say….” Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door. Fay was disconcerted but only for a moment, then she understood what was going on and said, “Hey! Girls! Hold on, hold on! There’s plenty of time ’cause the bus doesn’t leave till morning!”

Maurice, age 92, has just asked Sarah, age 89, to marry him and she has accepted. Mazeltov! They are both very excited and decide to go for a walk so that they can discuss the wedding arrangements. On their walk they pass a large chemist and decide to go in. Maurice asks to see the owner.
When a young man comes up to them, Maurice asks, “Are you the owner?”
“Yes I am,” says the man, “how can I help?”
“We’re about to get married,” says Maurice. “Do you sell heart medication?”
“Of course we do,” replies the owner.
“How about medicine for improving circulation?” asks Maurice.
“We stock all kinds, sir.”
“What about remedies for rheumatic conditions?” asks Sarah.
“Yes, no problem, madam.”
Maurice then asks, sheepishly, “Do you stock that Viagra, then?”
“Of course, sir.”
Sarah then asks, “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson’s, medicine for memory problems, arthritis and jaundice?”
“Yes, we stock a large variety of all of these. The works, madam.”
Maurice then asks, “Do you sell wheelchairs and Zimmer frames?”
“Our speciality. We have many sizes and all speeds.”
Maurice finally says to the owner, “OK. We’d like to set up our wedding gifts list here, please.”



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