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Rifka goes to see a famous Wizard and asks, “Is it possible to remove a curse I’ve been living with for the last 35 years?”
The Wizard replies, “It’s possible, but you must tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you in the first place.”
Rifka says, “I now pronounce you man and wife”.

Advice for seniors before making love

* Put on your glasses – – – then check that your partner is in bed with you
* Set the timer for 2 minutes – – – in case you doze off in the middle
* Set the mood with the proper lighting effect – – – turn them all off
* Before you begin – – – make sure youve got 999 in your telephone’s speed dial
* In case you forget – – – write your partners name on the back of your hand
* Keep extra polygrip close by – – – to ensure your teeth wont end up on the floor by the bed
* Make all the noise you want – – – after all, your neighbours are deaf too
* If it works – – – call everyone you know with the good news (WARNING: Dont even think about trying it twice)

Becky runs into the house and yells to her husband. “Izzy, pack your bags! I won the lottery!”
“Should I pack for warm weather or cold?” asks Izzy excitedly! “Whatever,” yells Becky. “Just so you’re out of the house by noon!”

Sidney says to his friend, “We were so poor when I was young that I had to sleep in the same bed as my three brothers. We slept four-to-a-bed for many years. I didn’t know what it was like to sleep alone until I grew up and married Sadie.”

Whats the first thing the father of an italian women does to her fiance?
Pulls out a shot gun



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