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Hymie says to Bernie, “Listen, why do we need this letter M in the word ‘Yitzhak’?”
Bernie says, “But there is no M in ‘Yitzhak’!”
Hymie replies, “No, I mean what if we insert it there?”
Bernie says, “But why do we need to insert M in ‘Yitzhak’?”
And Hymie then says, “But that’s exactly what I’m asking you. Why do we need M in the word ‘Yitzhak’?”

Q. Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
A. 3 dollars a year for a million years.

A Bama alum, a Tennesse alum and an Auburn alum have been captured by Iraqi forces and are about to be executed by firing squad.

First, the Bama alum is blindfolded and placed in front of the firing squad. The Iraqi officer said, “Ready, aim….”

The Bama alum yells “Sandstorm!” and all the Iraqis hit the dirt and the Bama alum runs away.

The Tennesse guy was placed in front of the firing squad. The officer said “Ready, aim…..”;

The Tennesseean shouted ” Tornado!!!!”. All the Iraqis again hit the dirt while the Volunteer escaped.

The auburn guy thought this was great. When he was blindfolded, again the officer shouted “Ready, aim….”

The Aubie shouted “FIRE!”

A plane was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. The plane stopped in Sacramento along the way and the flight attendant explained, “I’m sorry, folks, but there’s going to be a short delay. If you want to get off the aircraft to stretch their legs, the plane will be re-boarding in 45 minutes.”
Everybody got off the plane except one blind man. His Seeing-Eye dog lay quietly in front of him. The pilot approached him and said, “Were going to be in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like help to get off and stretch your legs?”
The blind man replied, “No thanks, but my dog would like to stretch his legs.”
All the people in the gate area were shocked when they saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing-Eye dog. The pilot was even wearing dark sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

Moishe the farmer had made out a Will that stipulated how his prize cows would be shared out to his 3 sons on his death. He decided that half the cows should go to his eldest son, one third to his second eldest son and one ninth to his youngest son. He though this was fair.
Some years later he died and his sons knew that there were 17 cows. But they just couldn’t divide them according to their father’s wishes. So they had to call in the learned Rabbi.
After much thought, the Rabbi went away and returned with one of his own cows, making 18 cows. Then the Rabbi gave the oldest son 9 cows, the second son got 6 cows and the youngest 2 cows. There was still one cow left over, so the Rabbi took his cow back home with him.

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