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Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, “What do you want on your back for your whipping?”

The German responds, “I will take oil!” So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, “What do you want on your back?”

“I will take nothing!” says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

“What will you take on your back?” the Amazons ask the American.

He responds, “I’ll take the Mexican.”

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.

1. Vancouver RCMP in urgent need of five thousand gallons of pepper spray delayed in transit by strike.
2. Preston Manning thinks “back to work” is really “back to slavery.”
3. Conspiracy on the part of “X-Files” TV producers, who are running out of things for Sculley and Mulder to investigate.
4. Parti Quebecois votes “oui” to everything.
5. Hockey fans think if strike ends soon, they can send Mark Messier to Japan Olympics via inexpensive parcel post.
6. Georges Clermont, considering retiring from his $380,000 annual income job as Canada Post President, wants to make sure he gets his pension cheques promptly.
7. Conservative party still blames postie union for loss of several hundred seats during previous two elections.
8. Sheila Copps terrified she won’t get the latest Victoria’s Secret catalogue in time for Xmas shopping.
9. Bill Gates told Jean Chretien “Don’t negotiate; everyone who counts has e-mail.”
10. Roche Carrier still sore about that darn sweater.

Mrs Cohen is walking down the High Street when a shabby man shuffles up to her and exposes himself.
“You call that a lining?”

Two Auburn Engineering students were tasked to measure the height of a flag pole as a class assignment. They decided to measure the flag pole outside of Legion Field at the south end of the stadium.

While attempting this task, one student would hold the tape while the other climbed the flag pole with the other end of the tape. Much to their disappointment the student climbing the pole kept sliding down and could not get to the top.

An astute Alabama graduate was observing from a distance and suggested that the Auburn students disconnect the flag pole and measure the pole while on the ground.

The Auburn students, enraged by the suggestion yelled out, ” We want to know how tall it is not how long it is you idiot!”

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