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You Know the Person Next To You Hasn’t Been To Shul In Awhile When You Hear Him Say. . .

1. “Hey, my book is backwards.”

2. “Isn’t it impolite to talk when the minister is talking?”

3. “What’s with the beanies?”

4. “Isn’t it funny that one person on the stage has a better singing voice than the other ones.”

5. “I get the standing and the sitting; when do we kneel?

6. “Does your prayer book have writing in a funny looking alphabet, too?”

7. “Why do people keep coming in even after the service starts? Didn’t they know what time it starts?”

8. “Do a bunch of people always get up and walk out just before the rabbi gives the sermon?”

9. “This food after the services is really good, but wouldn’t it be better if people waited in line and then only took a little at a time?”

10. “Hey, I remember this part from ‘Fiddler on the Roof’!”

In Miami, Moshe is in his school’s computer courtyard writing a poem for the next girl he may encounter. By this time Moshe is very desperate for a girl. His computer is 125.The computers are divided by tiny walls. In computer 124 there is an unknown purse that was left behind by an unknown person. Moshe does not know this. Well, in his mind, Moshe is praying for a girl. Suddenly a very beautiful lady goes to computer 124. Moshe prays for a conversation. The conversation is guiven. Then Moshe prays for a laugh and the laugh is given. Finally Moshe prays for some information from her and that information is given ( the class in the auditorium she has in 15 minutes). Moshe is giving thanks to God for at least 10 minutes. Then the lady gets out from the computer without saying anything. Moshe thinking that she is going to be back is not letting a uniformed cop to get in computer 124.
COP: wHY can’t I get in this computer?
Moshe: Some girl is sitting in here right now .
Cop: Where is this girl?
Moshe:maybe she went to her class to talk to her teacher before her class begins, but she is going be back. By the way dont you see her purse?
Cop:this is nonsense
Moshe with his Heart in love remembers the class she was going to.
Moshe to the cop: I take you to her!
Moshe grabs the cop and takes him to her class.
Finally, all tired from running they open the door of the auditorium and Moshe still grabbing the cop histerically screams:
That’s her!

A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar.

He stood at the end of the bar and lit up a cigar. As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.

After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry Native American approached him and said, “Now listen buddy, if you don’t stop calling me that I’ll smash your face in!”

Yitzhak and Moshe were eating in a Chinese restaurant in London.
“Yitzhak,” asked Moshe, “Are there any Jews in China?”
“I don’t know,” Yitzhak replied. “Why don’t you ask the waiter? I’d be surprised if there were no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.”
When the waiter came by, Moshe asked, “Are there any Chinese Jews?”
“I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and went back to the kitchen.
The waiter returned a few minutes later and said, “No, sir. No Chinese Jews.”
“Are you sure?” Moshe asked.
“I ask everyone,” the waiter replied. “We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!”

Q. What is the one thing that keeps so many Alabama football players from graduating?
A. CLASSWORK!



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