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Q. What is the difference between a litter of puppies and Alabama fans?

A. The puppies stop whining after 6 weeks.

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. “Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.”

From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, “Wow! It just missed the highway!”

Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry?

A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she’s old enough.If it isn’t, cut the barrel down a bit.

At Hyman’s recent medical check up, his doctor asked him a few questions. Here’s how Hyman answered these questions: -
Q. How do you feel?
A. How should I feel?

Q. What hurts you?
A. What doesn’t hurt me?

Q. When do you feel bad?
A. When don’t I feel bad?

Q. When did it start?
A. When will it end, better?

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, “Hey, Luigi. How was’a da treep?”
Luigi said, “Ever’thing was’a perfect except for da train’a ride down.”
“What’a you mean, Luigi?” asked Giovanni.
“Well, we board’a da train at Grand Central’a Station. My beautiful’a Virginia had packed a big’a basket a food with vino and cigars for’a me, and’a we were looking ‘aforward to da trip. All was OK until we got’a hungry and opened up’a da lunch’a basket.
“The conductor came by, wagged his’a finger at us and’a say, ‘No eat in dese’a car. Must’a use’a dining car.’
“So, me and my beautiful’a Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a big’a lunch and begin to open’a bottle of vino. Conductor come again, wag his’a finger and say, ‘No drink’a in dese’a car. Must’a use’a club’a car.’
“So we go to club’a car. While’a drinking vino, I start to light’a my big’a cigar. The conductor, he wag’a his finger again and say, ‘No smoke’a in dese’a car. Must’a go to smoker car.’
“We go to smoker car and I smoke’a my cigar. Later, my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car and’a go to bed.
We just about to have’a sex and the conductor, he come’a through car yelling, ‘NO-FOLK’A, VIRGINIA!’”



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