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When Jewish women get married, they often find that unfortunately, they have exchanged the attentions of many men for the inattention of one man

Sharon is very despondent about her aging looks and makes an appointment to see a plastic surgeon. After he examines her, he recommends she undergo a full face lift.
“Doctor,” she says, “what will the operation to give me a full face lift cost?”
“For you,” says the doctor, I would estimate $25,000.”
“Oy veh, that’s far too much, doctor,” she says. “Isn’t there something less expensive?”
“Well,” replies the doctor, “you could try wearing a veil.”

“You tell me Arnold that you have a relative staying with you over the holidays. Is this relative of yours a religious man?”
“Well let me tell you, Benny. My relative is so orthodox that when he plays chess with me, he doesn’t use bishops, he uses rabbis.”

Moses is in the desert and he sees a
burning bush.He approaches and he hears
a voice.”My name is Moses,what about you? ”
he sad.”I AM is My name,and I am the Lord
of your forefathers!”;”Nice to meet you,
I am!”;”Tell Me, Moses, don’t you feel
lonely in this desert?””Oh,yeah,very lonely… ”
“Don’t you miss your jewish brothers?
“Oh,yeah,very much… “”Don’t you miss
your teachers?””Oh,yes,i miss them lot”
“Don’t you miss bathing in the Nile?”
“Oh,yes,is very warm in here,I miss
that cold water… “”Don’t you miss your
mother,Moses?” Moses starts to cry,and
he whispers through his tears:”Very much”
the faraoh wants to kill me” “He will not,
I will be with you every step” “Are you sure?”
“Sure is my middle name””Will you do that for me?” “Of course I will,Moses, as I promised”
“Thank you,Lord!”and Moses start his journey
to Egypt.”Moses, wait!” “Yes, Lord?”
“Can I ask you a favour?””Anything,My Lord!”
“Well, if you go to the pallace,to
see your mother,please pay a visit to
the faraoh chamber and tell him to let my people go,will you?

I noticed a big difference between NY Italians and Chicago Poles when I was young: if you told an Italian joke, the NY Italian would probably laugh and tell you a better one. Tell a Polack joke to the Polish guy, and you risked getting your head punched off your shoulders.

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