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Bernie and Shlomo, both in their 80s, are taking their weekly ZFT (zimmer frame totter) in Hendon Park.
“So, Shlomo, how are you?” asks Bernie.
“Oy veh I’m getting worse and worse,” replies Shlomo. “All of a sudden, my memorys decided to play me tricks. I cant even remember whether it was you or my brother who died last month.”

Golda and Ruth were shmoozing at the beauty shop and Ruth commented, “I hear the girl your nephew Sheldon is marrying has Herpes”
Golda replied, “That’s what I heard too! I didn’t know what Herpes is, so I looked it up in the medical dictionary. Not to worry, It said it’s “a disease affecting the gentiles”!

Volvo, Video, Velcro.
I came,I saw,I stuck around.

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in themiddle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in thedelivery.To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lanternand said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.” Whoa there Scotty!” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put thelantern down…
I think there’s yet another wee one to come.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.” No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern,lad…
It seems there’s yet another one besides!” cried the doctor.The Scot scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. “Doye think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”

One evening, just outside Golders Green, a fire starts inside Shmatta Ltd, the leading clothing factory in north London and within minutes becomes a fierce fire.
As soon as the first fire engine arrives on the scene, Jacob goes over to the firemen and says, “Please. I’m the chief executive of this factory. All our next season’s designs are in my office in the centre of the building. They must be saved. I’ll give you $25,000 if you can save them.”
Even though the thought of the money encourages the men to take risks, the strong, hot flames keep them from going inside. When two more fire engines arrive, Jacob shouts out that the offer is now $50,000 to the team who saves the design files.
Then, from the bottom of Golders Green Road, a single siren is heard and a fourth fire engine comes rushing up the hill towards the fire. From the initials on the front, HJVFC, everyone knows it’s from the Hendon Jewish Volunteer Fire Company, whose members are all over 65. But how can they possibly help? To everyone’s amazement, the old-fashioned HJVFC fire engine doesn’t stop outside the building but drives straight into the middle of the fire.
As everyone watches, the elderly Jewish firemen jump down from their engine and begin fighting the fire with unbelievable energy and commitment. Five minutes later, the men from HJVFC have extinguished the fire and save the
secret designs. Jacob keeps to his bargain and writes out a cheque to HJVFC for $50,000. He then personally thanks each one of the elderly fire fighters and in particular, Moshe, the 75year old head of the team.
Jacob asks him, “What are you going to do with all that money?”
“Vell,” says Moshe, “the first thing ve are going to do is fix the brakes on our run down fire engine.”

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