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Peter, John and Shlomo were in the clubhouse talking about the amount of control they each have over their wives. Peter and John are doing all the talking whilst Shlomo remains silent.
After a while, Peter turns to Shlomo and says, “Well what about you, Shlomo, are Jewish men any different? What sort of control do you have over your wife?”
“Well, just the other night, my wife Hette came to me on her hands and knees.”
Peter and John were amazed! “What happened then?”
“Well,” replied Shlomo, “Hette then said, ‘get out from under the bed and fight like a man.’”

Q. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama?
A. Everyone has the same DNA.

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month – a short in the homeowner’s newly installed fire prevention alarm system. “This is even worse than last year,” said the distraught homeowner, “when someone broke in and stole my new security system…”

What are the three occasions on which an Italian man visits his priest?
His first communion. When he gets married. Before his electrocution!

Nathan meets his friend Harry in the Edgware Bagel Factory. “I hear that your mother-in-law has sold her house and moved in with you. Is this true Harry?”
“Yes it’s true,” replies Harry.
“And I also hear that she’s recently become quite ill,” says Nathan.
“Yes it’s true,” replies Harry.
“In fact, I hear that she’s so ill that she’s been taken into hospital,” says Nathan.
“Yes its true,” replies Harry.
“So how long has she been in hospital?” asks Nathan.
“In two days time, please God, it will be 2 weeks,” replies Harry.

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