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Abe goes to see Doctor Myers and says, “I want to become a woman.”
“You must be joking,” says Doctor Myers.
“No I’m not,” says Abe, “I’m serious about it. Are you willing to perform the necessary operations on me?”
“No, definitely not,” replies Doctor Myers.
“So who will do it?” asks Abe.
“Well I shouldn’t tell you this,” replies Doctor Myers, “but I know the name of a doctor in France who can do it.”
Six months later, Abe returns to Doctor Myers and says, “I’m so glad you gave me the name of doctor Jean-Pierre. I’ve had it done and I feel terrific. My new name is Sadie and I now function in every way like a woman, emotionally as well as physically.”
“But… Sadie,” asks Doctor Myers, “don’t you have any emotions or desires left over from your previous life as a man?”
“Well now you ask,” replies Sadie, “some mornings I do have this great urge to lay tefillin.”

Sam goes into a barber’s shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
Issy looks around his shop and replies, “About 30 minutes.”
Sam thanks him and leaves.
Two days later, Sam again enters the shop, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
Issy looks around at the shop full of customers and says, “About 45 minutes.”
Sam again thanks him and leaves.
A week later, Sam sticks his head into the shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
Issy looks around his shop and says, “About 35 minutes.”
Sam once again thanks him and leaves.
Issy is bewildered by this strange behaviour so he says to his assistant, “Could you please follow that man and let me know where he goes. He keeps asking me how long he would have to wait for a haircut but doesn’t return.”
Five minutes later, his assistant comes back, laughing aloud. Issy asks him, “So where did the guy go when he left here?”
The assistant looks at Issy and replies, “Your house.”

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the bible, the priest says, ” My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays.
“The man thinks: ” What does a priest know about sex?”
So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter.
He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, “My son, sex is definitely play.”
The man replies, “Rabbi, how can you be o sure when so many others tell me sex is work?”
The Rabbi softly speaks, “If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it.”

One Sabbath, Joseph discovers a gay shul in Hendon. He’s very excited. It is exactly what he had been looking for. There’s a gay cantor and a gay Rabbi, and even the congregation is mostly gay. So with a happy heart, Joseph sits down and joins in the service.
Soon, however, he just can’t help noticing the handsome young man sitting next to him. Hard as he tries, he can’t stop himself – Joseph puts his hand on the young man’s knee.
Immediately two large men rush over to Joseph, pick him up, quickly carry him out of the shul and forcibly throw him out into the street.
As he picks himself up, Joseph says, “Why on earth did you have to do that? I thought this was a gay synagogue.”
“It is,” one of them replied in a deep voice. “But nobody messes with the rebbetzin.”

Victor and Rivkah have always wanted a son to join their two stunningly gorgeous teenage daughters and so attempt for ‘their’ boy one last time. After months of trying, Rivkah gets pregnant and 9 months later delivers a healthy baby boy.
Victor is at first ecstatic but as soon as he sees his son he is horrified – it’s the ugliest baby he’s ever seen. He turns to Rivkah and says, “This can’t be my son, Rivkah. Anyone can tell this just by looking at the two beautiful daughters I’ve fathered. Have you been unfaithful to me?”
Rivkah smiles sweetly and replies, “No, not this time.”

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