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Morris was talking to his friend Sydney. “Do you know,” he said, “some mornings I wake up grouchy… and some mornings I just let her sleep.”

According to the Jewish calendar, the year is 5766. According to the
Chinese calendar, the year is 4702. This means that the Jews went without Chinese food for 1,064 years. This period was known as the Dark Ages.

Three senior citizens – Sarah, Becky and Estelle, are sitting on a park bench in Golders Green having a quiet chat when a flasher approaches. He walks up to the bench, stands right in front of them and all of a sudden, with a loud shout, “AHA”, he opens his raincoat.
Sarah immediately has a stroke. Becky also has a stroke. But Estelle, who is much older and feebler than the other two, couldn’t reach that far.

As you may know, in a slalom race the skier must pass through about 20 “gates” in the fastest time. Well, it happened that Israel had the fastest slalom skier in the world and had great expectations for an Olympic gold medal.
Came the day of the final, the crowd waited in anticipation. The French champion sped down the course in 38 seconds. The Swiss in 38.7 seconds, the German in 37.8 seconds and the Italian in 38.1 seconds. Next came the Israeli’s turn… the crowd waited, and waited… SIX MINUTES!
“What happened to you?” screamed his trainer when the Israeli finally arrived. Replied the exhausted Israeli: “Which of those idiots put a mezuzah on each gate?”

It’s become almost routine for members of the American press to throw dumb or leading questions at members of the Bush administration. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why Secretary of State Colin Powell seemed so well prepared for the shifty question recently hurled at him by an Iraqi reporter.

According to the New York Post, one of Saddam’s newshounds asked Powell, “Isn’t it true that only 13% of young Americans can locate Iraq on a map?”

“That may be true,” Powell countered. “You’re probably right. But unfortunately for you, all 13% are Marines.”

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