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A man walks into a store says to the clerk, “I’d like a pair of red shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of white shoes.” The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, “You must be an Alabama fan!” The man proclaims with pride, “How could you tell, was it the color scheme!” The clerk looks at him and says “No, this is a hardware store.”

An Auburn fan and an Alabama fan both go over to Tunica to do a little gambling. After a couple of hours the Alabama fan was broke. He looks over and sees the Auburn fan with a wheelbarrel full of quarters.

The Alabama fan walks over to him and says, “Wow, where did you win all that?”

To which the Auburn fan replies, “You see that machine on the wall over there? If you put a dollar in you get four quarters back every time!”

It’s nearly four o’clock in the morning and Sadie wakes up to see her husband pacing up and down the bedroom floor.
“Moishe, come back to bed, it’s not yet morning” she tells him.
Moishe replies, “I can’t go to sleep. You know the $10,000 I borrowed from our next door neighbour, Bernie. Well, it’s due to be repaid tomorrow and I don’t have the money. I just don’t know what I’m going to do.”
So Sadie gets out of bed and opens the bedroom window. “Bernie,” she shouts on top of her voice, “Bernie, Bernie.”
Finally a very tired looking Bernie opens his window and shouts, “You’re crazy, Sadie. Don’t you know it’s nearly 4 o’clock in the morning? What the hell do you want?”
Sadie shouts back, “Bernie, you know the $10,000 my husband owes you? Well, he doesn’t have it.”
Then she slams the window shut, turns to Moishe and says, now you can go to sleep and let Bernie pace the floor.”

Victor, Cyril and Abe met up in Brent Cross shopping centre for a chat and a coffee. Victor says, “Do you two know that last night I made love to mine Leah three times and this morning, as soon as I awoke, she told me how much she loved me.”
“Mazeltov,” says Cyril, “but last night I made love to mine Sarah four times and this morning, as soon as I awoke, she told me I must be the world’s greatest lover.”
Abe doesn’t say a word and just takes another sip of his coffee. So his two friends ask him how many times he had made love last night.
“Vell if you must know,” replies Abe, “I made love to mine Becky vonce.”
“Only once?” says Cyril, “And what did Becky say to you this morning?”
“She said, ‘Don’t stop!’”

there is 3 guys one was a american jewish the others was israeli and the other was rabbi so they are heaven and they go to a place were they could meet girls so the guy who runs the place tells them i want you to go one at a time and dont touch the goose or trip over the goose so the american jewish go’s in and comes back with an ugly girl and the other two ask him what happend and the guy replys i touched the goose
then the rabbi go’s in and comes back with an ugly girl and they asked him the same question and he answers i triped over the goose. So the israelin go’s in and he comes out with a hot chick and the other two ask him what happend but before he could answer the girl answers i touched the goose



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