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Hette had just got back home after a trip to Brent Cross shopping center when she was shocked to find her husband Bernie lying in their bed with a beautiful young woman at his side.
Hette was speechless and ran from the room crying. Bernie went after her and caught her just as she was opening the front door to escape.
Bernie said, “Before you leave me, Hette, please let me explain. I was driving home this afternoon when I saw this woman sitting on a wall at the bottom of our road. Her clothes were in tatters and she looked so tired and sad that I just had to stop and ask whether she needed any help.”
“She told me she was hungry so I brought her back home and gave her the piece of last night’s roast chicken you said you didn’t want. Her shoes were so worn out that I gave her a pair of your shoes that you don’t wear any more. She was so cold that I gave her that sweater you said was no longer in fashion that you were going to give to the charity shop. Her skirt was also worn out so I gave her a new skirt from your wardrobe – one that you said didn’t fit you anymore.”
“Then just as she was about to leave the house, she asked me, ‘Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?’ And so, here we are!”

The teacher says to her class, “OK, children, I want you all to write an essay on what you would do if you won $1million on the lottery.”
At the end of the lesson, Isaac hands in a blank piece of paper.
“Isaac,” says the teacher, “why haven’t you written anything?”
“Because if I had a million pounds, Miss, that’s exactly what I would do – nothing.”

Jeremy and Isaac are out having a celebratory meal at Minky’s Kosher Cafe. At the end of the meal, the waiter comes over and asks, “OK, gentlemen, will it be tea or coffee for you?”
“I’ll have a glass lemon tea,” replies Jeremy.
“Me too,” says Isaac, “and make sure the glass is clean.”
Five minutes later, the waiter returns with two lemon teas on his tray. As he’s about to hand them out, he asks, “Who asked for the clean glass?”

A man went camping in Northern Arizona, as he had many times before. But he noticed something different this time when he began fishing. There were no bites on his line at all. He headed over to the local market to get some new bait, and the shopkeeper gave him some advice.

“Don’t even bother buying any bait,” said the shopkeeper

“Why’s that?” questioned the man.

“There ain’t no fish ’round here no more. We had a freak flood come through and wipe them all out.”

“But how would a flood wipe out the fish?” wondered the man.

“There ain’t never been no water ’round Arizona

The State of Arizona comprises the extreme south-western portion of the United States. It is bounded on the north by Utah, on the east by New Mexico, on the south by Mexico, and on the west by California and Nevada, so the fish never learned to swim.”

Doctor Simon is known throughout London as one of the best consultants on arthritis. He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment. One day, Hetty, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room. She is completely bent over and leans heavily on her walking stick. A chair is found for her. Eventually, her turn comes to go into Doctor Simon’s office.
15 minutes later, to everyone’s surprise, she comes briskly out of his room walking almost upright. She is holding her head high and has a smile on her face. A woman in the waiting room says to Hetty, “Its unbelievable, a miracle even. You walk in bent in half and now you walk out erect. What a fantastic doctor he is. Tell me, what did Doctor Simon do to you?”
“Miracle, shmiracle,” says Hetty, “he just gave me a longer walking stick.”

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