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Q. How does a Jewish wife cheat on her husband?
A. She has a headache with the postman.

Deborah had left home to go to London to work as a secretary. Soon after, she began regularly sending money to her parents, Moishe and Sadie.
Some years later, Sadie asked Deborah to come home for a visit, as her father was getting frail. Deborah said she would come to see them that weekend.
You can imagine Moishe and Sadie’s surprise when Deborah pulled up outside their house in a Rolls Royce and stepped out wearing fur and diamonds.
As she walked into the house, Moishe muttered aloud, “It seems that London secretaries get well paid.” Deborah walked over to him, took his hands and said, “Daddy – I’ve been meaning to tell you something for years but I just didn’t want to put it in a letter. I can’t hide it from you any longer. I’ve become a prostitute.”
Moishe gasped, put his hand over his heart and fell to the floor. The doctor was immediately called, but could not help – Moishe had clearly lost the will to live. He was put to bed and the Rabbi was called. As the Rabbi was comforting Sadie and Deborah, Moishe muttered weakly, “What a way to go – murdered by my own daughter, killed by the shame of what you’ve become!”
“Daddy, please, please forgive me,” Deborah sobbed. “I wanted to have nice things to wear and to have enough money to be able to send you some. The only way I could think of doing that was to become a prostitute.”
On hearing this, Moishe sat bolt upright in bed, looking already so much better. Smiling he said, “Deborah, did you say prostitute? I thought you said Protestant”

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Mr. Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day’s lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.
“Mr. Goldblatt,” announced little Joey, “there’s somethin’ I can’t figger out.”
“What’s that Joey?” asked Goldblatt.
“Well accordin’ to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?”
“An’ the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?”
“Er – right.”
“An’ the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?”
“Again you’re right.”
“An’ the Children of Israel fought the ‘gyptians, an’ the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an’ the Children of Israel wuz always doin’ somethin’ important, right?”
“All that is right, too,” agreed Goldblatt, “So, what’s your question?”
“What I wanna know is this,” demanded Joey. “What wuz all the grown-ups doin’?”

Q: What do pensioners call a long lunch?
A: Normal.

“Listen, God is everywhere, trust me, he is absolutely everywhere,” the wise old Sicilian priest told little Gianluca, who thought about this for a moment, before grabbing a half-opened matchbox lying on the table, quickly snapped it shut and declared triumphantly: “Got him!!!”

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