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Q. How do you keep Freddie Kitchens from hitting you with a football?

A. Wear a Bama jersey!

Aaron and Jonathan, two businessmen both in their 80s, meet one day in Brent Cross shopping centre. Aaron asks, “So nu, Jonathan, what’s new?”
“Vat’s new, you ask me? Trouble, that’s vat’s new,” replies Jonathan. “Mine secretary is suing me for breach of promise.”
“But I don’t understand,” says Aaron. “At your age, what could you promise her?”

Q: How many Jewish husbands does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don’t know – it’s never happened.

1. Moshe was talking to his friend. “I had it all, Hymie – money, a beautiful house and the love of a beautiful woman. Then pow! It was all gone.”
“What happened?” asked Hymie.
“My wife found out about the beautiful woman.”

Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be?
A. The least hairy of the three.

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