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Sam was driving down the road and gets pulled over by a police car. Walking up to his car, an officer says, “Your wife fell out the car 5 miles back.”
Sam replies, “Thank goodness – I’d thought I’d gone deaf.”

As little Rivkah climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual question, “And what would you like for Christmas?”
Rivkah stared at him, open mouthed and horrified, then gasped, “Didn’t you get my email?”

There was a Jew sitting at the side of the road
crying when a friend came along.’What’s wrong why are you crying. ‘ well I have seen a coach load of Russians go over that cliff. ‘Surely that souldn’t make you cry’. Normally it wouldn’t but there were two empty seats.

Three Jewish men arrive in New York from Europe, and decide to meet again in 20 years to see how they all made out in America.

20 years pass…

The first man asks the second, “So, nu? How’d you do?” He replies: Vell, you know… ven I came to this country I had no idea vhat to do with myself to make a livink. So I looked at my last name. Goldstein. So I vent into the gold business. And oy, did I make a FORTUNE!”
He turns to the next man and asks, “So nu, how ’bout you?”
He says “Vell, like you I had no idea vhat I vas going to do in this vast country to make a livink, so I too, looked to my last name. Silverberg. So I vent into silver. And oy, did I make a fortune!”
So they both turn to the last man and say, “And you? Vat happened to you?”
So the third man said, “Vell, I too had no idea how I vas to make a living here in America, so I looked at my last name. Taylor. I said, das no good. I never make money as a tailor.
So I went to shul and prayed. I said “God, if you make me a wealthy man, I promise to make You my partner.”
So the first man said, “So, vat happened?” The man replied, “Vas the matter? You never heard of Lord and Taylor?”

Lionel was a ventriloquist, and not a good one at that. In fact business was so bad that he was trying his luck as a medium. One day, a widow came into his office and said that she wanted to contact her dear departed husband and asked Lionel what he charged.
“If you only want to hear him speak,” said Lionel, “I charge $30. If you want to have a conversation with him, I charge $50. But I charge $70 if you want a conversation with him while I’m drinking a glass of water.”

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