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Nathan goes to see his doctor. After a lengthy examination the doctor sighs, looks Nathan in the eye and says, “Ive some bad news for you, Nathan. You have an incurable cancer. I suggest you quickly put your affairs in order.”
Nathan is initially shocked. But then, being a calm, solid character, he composes himself and quietly leaves the doctors office. His son Max is waiting for him.
“Max,” says Nathan, “we Jews celebrate when things are good and we sometimes celebrate when things are not so good. In my case, Max, things arent so good – I have cancer. So I suggest we go to my golf club for a few drinks.”
4 or 5 glasses of whiskey later, the two are feeling a little less sad. Then, after a few laughs and some more glasses of whiskey, they are approached by two of Nathans club mates, curious as to what Nathan and Max are celebrating.
Nathan tells them, “Guys, we’re drinking to my impending death. I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.”
His club mates are shocked. They give Nathan their condolences, have a couple of beers and leave. Max then says, “Dad, you tell me you’re dying of cancer yet you tell your friends you’re dying of AIDS. I don’t understand.”
Nathan replies, “I dont want any of them sleeping with your Mum after I’m gone.”

Sadie was in her garden hanging up her washing when Sharon, her next door neighbour, poked her head over the fence and said, “I don’t like being the one to have to tell you this Sadie, but theres a rumour going around that your husband Cyril is chasing the shiksas.”
“So what?” said Sadie.
“But at his age!” said Sharon, “Hes over 70 isn’t he?”
“Nu, so hes seventy-two, so what?” replied Sadie, “Let him chase girls. Dogs chase cars, but when they catch one, can they drive it?”

Freda walks into a wine bar and asks the barman to give her a double entendre. So he gives her one.

There wore two jews on the Titanic. They were named Moshe and Jankele. Both of them survived. In the saving boat, Moshe cried and cried. To be friendly to him Jankele said:
“Why are you crying? The boat wasn’t yours.”

1. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
2. Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.
3. Don’t listen to critics – do what has to be done.
4. Build on high ground.
5. For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
6. Two heads are better than one.
7. Speed isn’t always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so were the snails.
8. If you can’t fight or flee – float!
9. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.
10. Don’t forget that we’re all in the same boat.

© 2015