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When Suzy was six months pregnant with her third baby, her three year old son Sam came into her bedroom just as she was ready to get into the shower.
Sam said, “Mummy, you’re getting fat.”
“Yes, darling,” said Suzy, “but remember, mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.”
“I know,” Sam replied, “but what’s growing in your butt?”

One day, Hette approaches her Rabbi after the service and says to him, “Rabbi, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the Rabbi asks.
“They only know how to say, ‘Hello, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?’”
“Why, that’s terrible!” the Rabbi says, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house tomorrow and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read Hebrew. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”
“Oh thank you, Rabbi,” Hette replies.
The next day Hette brings her female parrots to the Rabbi’s house. His two male parrots are wearing tiny yamulkes and praying in their cage. Hette puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, “Hello, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put away the siddurs! Our prayers have been answered!”

Q. How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just one, but it takes a roomfull to sit around and talk about how the BEAR would have done it.

As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children of Israel began to complain that they were very thirsty after walking so far. They couldn’t even drink from the walls of water on either side of them because they were made up of salt-water.
Whilst Moses was looking around for some fresh water, a fish from the wall of water told him that he and his friends were willing to help. They would use their gills to remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a freshwater fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by.
Moses accepted this kindly fishs offer with gratitude, but the fish said there was a condition. The children of Israel and their descendants always had to be present at the Seder meal that would be established to commemorate the Exodus, since they had a part in the story.
When Moses agreed to this, he gave the fish their name, which remains how they are known to this very day, for he said to them, “Go Filter Fish!”

There were two beggers sitting next to each other on the street in Vatican city, one had a large cross around his neck, the other had the star of David.It was a loverly day, the sun was shinning, there were thousands of people walking past the two beggers, but everyone was giving the man with the cross around his neck money, while the man with the star of david got nothing.
One morning a high priest walked by the beggers and said the the begger with the star of david ” my friend, you are in Vatican city, all these people that pass you by will give to the man with the cross, they will never give money to a man with a star of david, infact they will give to the man with the cross just to spite you…
The begger with the star of david, turned the the begger with the cross and said ” hey, moshe, this shmuck is trying to teach the cohen brothers about marketing”

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