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After months of negotiation, Avraham, a Jewish scholar from Odessa, was granted permission to visit Moscow.
He boarded the train and sat down. At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. Avraham looked at the young man and thought,

This fellow doesn’t look like a peasant, and if he isn’t a peasant he probably comes from this area. If he comes from this area, he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish area. On the other hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going?
I’m the only one from our area to be allowed to travel to Moscow.
Wait – just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and you don’t need special permission to go there.
But why would he be going to Samvet? He’s probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two – the Bernsteins and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, so he must be visiting the Steinbergs.
But why is he going? The Steinbergs have only girls, so maybe he’s their son-in-law. But if he is, then which daughter did he marry?
Sarah married that nice lawyer from Budapest and Esther married a businessman from Zhadomir, so it must be Sarah’s husband. Which means that his name is Alexander Cohen, if I’m not mistaken. But if he comes from Budapest, with all the anti-Semitism they have there, he must have changed his name. What’s the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? Kovacs. But if he changed his name he must have some special status.
What could it be? A doctorate from the University.

At this point Avraham turns to the young man and said, “How do you do, Dr Kovacs?”
“Very well, thank you, sir” answered the startled passenger. “But how is it that you know my name?”
“Oh,” replied Avraham, “it was obvious”.

Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be?
A. The least hairy of the three.

A minister dies and, resplendent in his clerical collar and colorful robes, waits in line at the Pearly Gates. Just ahead of him is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

The guy replies, “I’m Joe Green, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City.”

Saint Peter consults his list, smiles and says to the taxi-driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff, and enter into the Kingdom.”

So the taxi-driver enters Heaven with his robe and staff, and the minister is next in line. Without being asked, he proclaims, “I am Michael O’Connor, head pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years.”

Saint Peter consults his list and says, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“Just a minute,” says the preacher, “that man was a taxi-driver, and you issued him a silken robe and golden staff. But I get wood and cotton. How can this be?”

“Up here, we go by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept — while he drove, people prayed.”

Sadie and Benny were both 65 years old and were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. When all the family and guests had left their house, a fairy appeared from nowhere and said to them, “Congratulations, you two. I’m here to grant you both one wish each.”
Sadie said, “I want to travel around the world.”
The fairy waved her magic wand and POW – Sadie had tickets in her hand for a round the world cruise on a Cunard liner.
Then the fairy asked Benny what he wanted.
Benny replied. “I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me.”
So the fairy picked up her wand and POW – Benny was 95 years old.

The 7 fridges
It might not be known by many outside of Israel but new immigrants can bring in normal household items duty free, but anything that looks like it could be resold in Israel is supposed to be subject to Israeli import duty.
Moshe Cohen, a new immigrant, arrived at the Port of Haifa to claim his household goods, which had just been landed by ship. However, when he turned up, he was immediately called into the Port offices because the excise officer had noticed on the manifest that Moshe had brought in seven refrigerators.
“Mr Cohen,” said the officer, “one refrigerator is allowed duty free, but certainly not seven of them.”
Moshe replied, “But I’m very frum. I need one refrigerator just for meat, one just for dairy, and one just for parve.”
“OK,” said the officer, “that makes three, but what about the other four?”
“It’s obvious,” replied Moshe, “I need three for most of the year and another three, for meat, dairy and parve, for Pesach.”
“That only makes six,” replied the officer,” What’s the seventh one for?”
“So nu,” replied Moshe, “What if I want to eat traif once in a while?”

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