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Moshe was known to all his friends as a hypochondriac. One day he awoke with a pain on his left side and was convinced that his pain was appendicitis. But his wife Sadie told him that appendices were on the right side of the body.
“Aha,” said Moshe, “so thats why its hurting me so much. My appendix is obviously on the wrong side.”

Ruth and Golda were walking along Hendon High Street.
Ruth says, “My son Irving is getting married. He tells me he is engaged to a wonderful girl, but… he thinks she may have a disease called herpes.
Golda says, “Do you have any idea what this herpes is, and can he catch it?”
Ruth replies, “No, but I am just so thrilled to hear about Irving’s engagement – it’s time he settled down. As far as the herpes goes… who knows?”
“Well,” says Golda, “I have a very good medical dictionary at home. I’ll look it up and call you.”
So Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth. “Ruth, I found it. Not to worry. It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles.”

One Sunday morning, Rebecca drops in to see her mother. “Mum, there’s a marvellous speaker coming to our shul this afternoon. You must come with me. You’ll like it. It’s going to be very interesting.”
“Why?” asks her mother, “what’s the talk about?”
“It’s about, THE ROLE OF REGULAR SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IN JEWISH MARRIAGE,” replies Rebecca.
“I’m not interested,” says her mother, “I’ve given already.”

This man is kicking back in Mexico, its’s a beautiful day, and he’s having lunch in a nice little cafe. Relaxed, he starts to think about home, family and things Jewish. Realizing he hadn’t seen any synagogues since he had gotten off the plane, he decided to ask the waiter about it. So he calls him over and asks, “Do you have Mexican Jews here? The waiter is taken aback just a little and says, “I dont’t know, I’ll go and find out for you”. A couple minutes later he returns and says ” I’m very sorry sir, All we have is orange juz and tomato juz”.

Sadie is holidaying in Israel and goes to the post office for some stamps for her Chanukah cards. “Can I have 50 Chanukah stamps please?”
“Of course,” says the clerk, “what denomination?”
“Oy vay,” says Sadie, “has it come to this already? OK, give me 14 liberal, 28 reform and 8 orthodox stamps please.”



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