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Sean is waiting for a bus when another man joins him at the bus stop. After 20 minutes of waiting, Sean takes out a sandwich from his lunch box and starts to eat. But noticing the other man watching, Sean asks, “Would you like one? My wife has made me plenty.”
“Thank you very much, but I must decline your kind offer,” says the other man, “I’m Rabbi Levy.”
“Nice to meet you, Rabbi,” says Sean, “but my sandwiches are alright for you to eat. They only contain cheese. There’s no meat in them.”
“It’s very kind of you,” says Rabbi Levy, “but today we Jews are celebrating Passover. It would be a great sin to eat a sandwich because during the 8 days of Passover, we cannot eat bread. In fact it would be a sin comparable to the sin of adultery.”
“OK,” says Sean, “but it’s difficult for me to understand the significance of what you’ve just said.”
Many weeks later, Sean and Rabbi Levy meet again. Sean says, “Do you remember, Rabbi, that when we last met, I offered you a sandwich which you refused because you said eating bread on Passover would be as great a sin as that of adultery?”
Rabbi Levy replies, “Yes, I remember saying that.”
“Well, Rabbi,” says Sean, “that day, I went over to my mistress’s apartment and told her what you said. We then tried out both the sins, but I must admit, we just couldn’t see the comparison.”

Jacob was an uneducated but hard-working immigrant who wanted a better future for his only son, David. He scrimped and saved for David’s school education. In return, David worked hard and got accepted at a small school far from home.
Every month, David received a cheque from his father for his living expenses and every month, the cheque was attached to a piece of paper with the letters ‘FUF’ written on it. It regularly puzzled David, but he cashed the cheques anyway and went about his studies. Finally Passover came and David was able to travel home.
As he sat with his father after the Seder, David said, “Dad, I want you to know how much I love you and how much I appreciate everything you’re doing for me. I really couldn’t get by without the cheque you send me every month. But I must ask, what does it mean when you write ‘FUF’?”
His father replied, “Oy, some scholar you’re not. ‘FUF’ means ‘From U Fadder’.”

Q: What did the Jewish mother ask her daughter when she told her she had an affair?
A: “Who did the catering, darling?”

Benjamin returned home early from an overseas business trip and quietly let himself into his house. He crept upstairs – and found his wife in bed with a strange man. The stranger was sprawled naked on top of the sheets and was looking very pleased with himself.
“Rifka, how could you do this to me?” Benjamin shouted.
“Wait, darling,” said Rifka. “You know that soft blue leather jacket I’ve been wearing recently? Well this is the kind man who gave it to me. And that pearl and diamond gold necklace you always like me wearing? Well this is the generous man who gave it to me. And do you remember when you couldn’t afford to buy me my own car and I came home with an Audi? Well this is the caring man who gave it to me.”
Benjamin thought about this for a few moments, looked again at the scene before him and then said, “For goodness sake, Rifka, don’t you know it’s freezing in here. Cover him up at once. We don’t want him to catch a cold.”

What is the difference between a nice jewish girl and jello?
Jello moves when you eat it.



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