Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Leah goes to Dr Myers for her yearly examination. He begins by putting her on the scales. “How much do you think you weigh, Leah?” he asks.
“8 stone 5 pounds,” Leah replies.
But Dr Myers tells her that her weight is actually 9 stone 3 pounds.
Dr Myers then asks, “How tall are you, Leah?”
“I’m 5 foot 9,” Leah replies.
But when he measures her, it turns out that she is only 5 foot 6.”
Dr Myers then takes her blood pressure. “Your blood pressure is very high, Leah,” he says.
“It’s no wonder,” Leah shouts at him. “When I came in here I was tall and slender. Now Im short and fat.”

During the Great Depression, two Jewish guys are walking down the street when they happen by a Baptist Church. They see a big sign posted that says, “join our church and you get fifty dollars.”
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”
“Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”
Abe says, “What are you, crazy?”
Murray thinks for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it. The kids need shoes and I have to put food on the table.” With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out an hour later with a wet forehead.
“So,” asks Abe, “did you get your fifty dollars?”
Murray looks up at him and says, “Is that all you people think of?”

Q: What did the waiter ask the group of Jewish mothers?
A: “Is anything OK?”

Two friends meet in the street. One says, “Is it true, Isaac, that your mother-in law is ill?”
“Yes.”
“In fact, Isaac, I heard that she was in hospital.”
“Yes.”
“How long has she been in hospital, Isaac?”
Isaac replies, “In 3 weeks time, please G-d, it will be a month.”

Rubin took a trip to John Lewis Brent Cross. He went straight to the lingerie department, boldly walked up to an assistant and said, “I want a bra for my wife.”
“What type of bra?” asked the assistant.
“What type?” Rubin replied, “Is there more than one type?”
“Yes sir, there is,” she said, “Just look at these.”
And she then showed him bras in every shape, colour and material imaginable.
“Actually,” she said, “even with such a variety, there are only 4 types of bra.”
Rubin was very confused, so he asked her what the 4 types were.
“There is the Presbyterian type, the Catholic type, the Salvation Army type and the Jewish type. Which one do you think your wife would like?” she replied.
Still confused, Rubin asked, “What’s the difference between them?”
The assistant replied, “It’s really quite simple, sir. The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, the Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen and the Jewish type makes mountains out of mole hills.”



© 2015 ijokedb.com