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Benny was talking to his best friend Sam. “Don’t tell anyone, Sam, but mine Sadie once again had a headache last night. ”
“Really? ” said Sam.
“Yes,” replied Benny, “it’s been like this for some weeks now and I’ve been thinking that they must have named a Jewish holiday after my sex life.”
“Which one?” Sam asked.

One shabbes morning, Rabbi Levy notices seven year old David staring up at the large plaque hanging in the shul foyer. It was covered with names and small British flags were mounted on either side of it. David has been staring at the plaque for some time, so Rabbi Levy walks over to him and says quietly, “Good shabbes, David.”
“Good shabbes, Rabbi,” replies David, still focusing on the plaque. “Rabbi, what is this?” David then asks.
“Well, David,” replies Rabbi Levy, “it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”
Soberly, they stand together, staring at the large plaque. Then little David’s voice is barely audible as he asks, “Which one, the Friday night or the Saturday service?”

Mathematics of a Jewish relationship

Wise man + Wise woman = Romance
Wise man + Dumb woman = Affair
Dumb man + Wise woman = Marriage
Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy

Young Morris asked his father, “Dad, was Adam Jewish?”
His father put down his newspaper and thought for a moment. He was an expert at Talmudic reasoning and in the art of making a point by an unanswerable question.
He replied, “If we can determine that Eve was Jewish, my son, we would at once see that Adam was Jewish, for who but a Jew could bring himself to marry a Jewish girl?” (Here he turned his head a bit nervously to make sure his wife wasn’t listening.)
“Therefore, we can drop the Adam problem and instead ask ourselves, “Was Eve Jewish?”
“To answer that, we have only to ask the question, “Would anyone but a Jewish girl say, ‘Here, have a piece of fruit’?”

A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a wedding.
An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. “Do you love her?”
The old man replied, “I guess.”
“Is she a good Jewish woman?”
“I don’t know for sure,” the old man answered.
“Does she have lots of money?” asked the rabbi.
“I doubt it.”
“Then why are you marrying her?” the rabbi asked.
“She can drive at night,” the old man said

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