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One day, Sadie and Rose are talking about men.
“I have a question for you,” says Rose.
“So ask it already,” says Sadie.
“OK,” says Rose. “If I meet a stranger at a party and I think that he’s attractive, do you think it’s OK to ask him straight away whether hes married?”
“No, certainly not,” replies Sadie, “you should wait until morning.”

Four guys are standing on a street corner… an American, a Russian, a Chinese man, and an Israeli…
A news reporter comes up to the group and says to them:
“Excuse me… What’s your opinion on the meat shortage?”
The American says: What’s a shortage?
The Russian says: What’s meat?
The Chinese man says: What’s an opinion?
The Israeli says: What’s “Excuse me”?…

A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.
He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover Seder…
“Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot.”
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers,
“Why is this knight different from all other knights?”

A doctor needs three things to be successful

1. To have grey hair, to look distinguished;
2. To be moderately overweight, to look prosperous;
3. To have painful haemorrhoids, to have a constant look of grave concern.

The family of an elderly Arab gentleman have searched everywhere for a
nursing home for him. At last they find one – a Jewish home.

Some days pass, and his son calls to visit. “How is it here?” he asks.
“It’s great”, the old man replies. “Do you know, they address everyone
here by their title, no matter how long it is since they practised their vocation.

“There’s a conductor who hasn’t stood in front of an orchestra for 30
years, but they still call him maestro. And a doctor who hasn’t lifted a
stethoscope for 20 years, but is still addressed as Doctor Cohen. An
academic who retired 25 years ago is still called Professor.”

“What about you?” the son asks. “It’s the same with me”, replies the old
man. “I haven’t had sexual intercourse for 40 years, but they still call me
the fucking Arab.”

© 2015