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Jed and Solly, both in their 50s, have been working in the same office for many years and have become close friends. One Monday, despite his age, Jed boasts to Solly about his sexual endurance the night before.
“I did it three times with my wife last night Solly,” says Jed, matter-of-factly.
“Oy yoy yoy! Three times,” gasps Solly admiringly. “How on earth did you manage that?”
“It wasn’t too difficult,” replies Jed, modestly. “After my wife and I made love for the first time, I took a 10 minute nap. Then I made love to her again, followed by another 10 minute nap. And then we made love for the third time. I can’t describe how I feel, Solly. I woke up this morning feeling like a stallion.”
“What a good method,” says Solly, “I must try it. Mine Sadie wont believe what’s happening to her when I manage to shtup her 3 times in one night. It will be a mekheiyeh for both of us.”
So that night Solly surprises Sadie. He makes love to her, then takes a 10 minute nap, makes love to her again, takes another nap, this time for 15 minutes and then makes love to her for a third time. Then, with a smile on his face, he rolls over and falls fast asleep.
Solly wakes up feeling absolutely marvellous. He gets dressed and leaves for work. Rather than get on his usual bus, he takes a leisurely stroll to his office. This makes him 30 minutes late. When he arrives, his boss is waiting for him.
“Whats the matter Mr Jones?” he asks, “Ive been working for you for nearly 25 years and I’ve never once been late. Surely you’re not going to reprimand me for a measly thirty minutes?”
“What do you mean thirty minutes?” says Mr Jones, “where were you yesterday?”

shtup: vulgar for making love
mekheiyeh: a pleasure

Q: What do you instantly know when you see a well-dressed Jewish husband?
A: His wife is good at choosing his clothes.

Issy the millionaire goes to Synagogue one shabbes and at the end of the service stops to shake Rabbi Levy’s hand.
“Rabbi,” says Issy, “that was a God-damned fine sermon you gave today.”
Rabbi Levy replies, “Why thank you Issy, but I’d rather you didn’t use that kind of language in the Lord’s House.”
But Issy continues, “In fact I was so God-damned impressed with your sermon that I’ve decided to send you $10,000 for the synagogue rebuilding fund.”
Rabbi Levy replies, “No shit?”

Moishe went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold that wouldn’t clear up. His doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didn’t help. On his next visit, the doctor gave Moishe an injection, but that didn’t do any good, either.
On his third visit, the doctor told Moishe to go home and take a hot bath. Then, as soon as he got out the bath, he must open all the windows and stands in the draft.
“But doctor,” protested Moishe, “I’ll get pneumonia.”
“I know,” said his doctor, “I can cure pneumonia.”

A matchmaker corners a poor student and says, “Do I have a girl for you!”
“I’m not interested,” replies the student.
“But she’s a very beautiful girl,” says the matchmaker.
“Really?” says the student, a bit more interested now.
“Yes. And she’s also very rich.”
“Are you serious?”
“Of course I am. Would I lie to you? And she has a long line of ancestry. She comes from a very noble family.”
“It all sounds great to me,” says the student, “but why would a girl like that want to marry me? She’d have to be crazy.”
Replies the matchmaker, “Well, you can’t have everything in life!”



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