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Abe believes Freda is a sex object because every time he asks for sex, she objects. But he welcomes the slight impediment in her speech because every now and then she has to stop to breathe.
On the other hand, Freda doesn’t hate Abe enough to give him back his diamonds. She says, “I know money cant buy me happiness and I’m suffering, but at least I’m suffering in comfort.”

Q: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much.
A: Because they are worth it.

Shlomo walks into ‘Harry Kosher Butchers’, goes over to Harry and says, “So, Harry, I hear that you’re something of a betting man.”
“Yes,” replies Harry.
“Well,” says Shlomo, “You’re a tall man, so I bet you $50 that you cant reach those pieces of meat hanging on those hooks up on that wall.”
“Im not taking your bet,” says Harry.
“Why not?” says Shlomo, “I thought you were a betting man.”
“I am,” says Harry, “but the steaks are too high!”

A minister, a priest and Rabbi Samuels went for a walk in the country. It was a very hot day. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water naked. When they came out, they were feeling so refreshed that the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.”
But as they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and Rabbi Samuels covered his face.
After the ladies had left and the men had got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked Rabbi Samuels why he covered his face rather than his privates.
Rabbi Samuels replied, “I don’t know about you, but in MY congregation, it’s my face they would recognize.”

Sadie has died and today is her levoyah. Her husband Nathan and many of their family and friends are standing round the grave as Sadie’s coffin is lowered into the ground. Then, as is the custom, many of the mourners pick up some spades and help to fill the open grave with earth.
But on their way back to the prayer hall, the sky suddenly darkens, rain starts to fall, flashes of lightening fill the sky and loud thunder claps batter their ears.
Nathan turns to his rabbi and says, “Well rabbi, she’s arrived OK.”



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