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Yossi goes to a tailor to try on a new custom-made suit. The first thing he notices is that the arms are too long.
“No problem,” says the tailor. “Just bend them at the elbow and hold them out in front of you. See, now it’s fine.”
“But the collar is up around my ears!”
“It’s nothing. Just hunch your back up a little . . . no, a little more. . . . that’s it.”
“But I’m stepping on my cuffs!” Yossi cries in desperation.
“Nu, bend your knees a little to take up the slack. There you go. Look in the mirror – the suit fits perfectly.”
So, twisted like a pretzel, Yossi lurches out onto the street. Janine and Suzy see him go by.
“Oh, look,” says Janine, “that poor man!”
“Yes,” says Suzy, “but what a beautiful suit!”

One day a preist walks into a barber and asks for a hair cut. when the barber finished he the preist asked: how much do I oh you?
the barber replied: oh don’t worry it’s free.
the next day the barber opens the shop door and finds 3 bottles of wisky from the preist as a thanks.

on the second day a monk walks into a barber and asks for a hair cut. when the barber finished he the Monk asked: how much do I oh you?
the barber replied: oh don’t worry it’s free.
the next day the barber opens the shop door and finds 3 bottles of brandy from the Monk as a thanks.

on the third day a Rabbi walks into a barber and asks for a hair cut. when the barber finished he the Rabbi asked: how much do I oh you?
the barber replied: oh don’t worry it’s free.
the next day the barber opens the shop door and finds 3 rabbis standing outside his door for FREE haircuts.

Moshe is lucky enough to meet Arthur Rubinstein, the famous concert pianist, and within minutes of meeting him, Moshe persuades him to drop by his house to listen to his wonderful daughter Emma play the piano.
As soon as Emma finishes her favourite piano piece, she looks at Rubinstein and asks, “So what do you think I should do now, Mr Rubinstein?”
Rubinstein immediately replies, “I think you should get married.”

Sylvia looks out the picture window and says to Becky, “What a husband you have! He just pulled up and he’s carrying a boquet of roses!” “Oy!” says Becky. “That means I’ll just have to lay with my legs spread tonight!” “Why,” says Sulvia, “don’t you have a vase?”

Avrahom has just been shopping and is walking home down Golders Green High Road carrying lots of parcels when a man comes up to him.
“Excuse me. Do you know where I can find Levy’s bagel bakery?”
Avrahom hands over the parcels he is carrying to the stranger, spreads his arms out as wide as he can, shrugs and replies, “How should I know?”



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