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Rabbi Morris has just resigned and Issy, the synagogue president, goes to visit him.
“Rabbi,” Issy says, “I’ve just heard the news. I’m really sorry that you’ve decided to leave us.”
“Don’t worry,” says Rabbi Morris, “you’ll have nothing to worry about. I’m going to recommend a successor whom I believe will be better than me.”
“But that’s exactly what’s worrying me,” says Issy, “your predecessor told me exactly the same thing.”

Rifka, a young mother, was teaching her 6-year-old daughter Ruth how to unbuckle her seat belt.
Ruth asked, “Do I click the red square, mummy?”
Rifka said, “Yes, darling.”
Ruth then asked, “Single click or double click?”

My Zaida was very religious. He prayed 3 times a day and laid tefillin every morning. One night, he heard a noise downstairs and having no fear for his safety went downstairs to see what it was. It was a burglar and he was putting my Zaida’s silver cutlery, wine goblets and candlesticks into a bag. This made my Zaida very angry and he shouted at him to stop. He then tried to take the bag away but when he reached for it, the burglar pulled a knife out of the bag and was just about to stab my Zaida when all of a sudden, my Zaida screamed out “nisht mit the milchidic messer” (not with the dairy knife).

Leah phones her husband at work, “Issy, do you have time for a chat?”
“Sorry, darling, this is not a good time – I’m about to go into a board meeting.”
“But this won’t take long,” Leah says, “I just want to tell you some good news and some bad news.”
“I really haven’t the time,” says Issy, “so just quickly tell me the good news.”
“Oh all right then. The air bag on your new Lexus works very well.”

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