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The pope wanted to kick the Jews out of Italy. They got Reb Moshe to debate with him. Since Reb Moshe didn’t know any Italian and the pope didn’t know any Yiddish, they did a silent debate.
The pope held up 3 fingers and Reb Moshe held up 1 finger. The pope waved his hand around his head and Reb Moshe pointed down. The pope took out some wines and Reb Moshe took out an apple. The pope said, “you won, I give up” and left.
The pope went back to his church. They asked him, “How did you lose? What did he do?” He answered, “First I held up 3 fingers for our 3 parts of god. He held up 1 finger for his 1 G-d. I waved my hand around my head to say that He is everywhere and he pointed down to say that He is also right here with us. I took out the wine for the sins we can be forgiven for, and he took out an apple for the first sin that we can’t be forgiven for.”
Meanwhile, Reb Moshe went back to his shul. They asked him, “How did you win?” He said, “He held up 3 fingers to say that we had 3 days to get out, and I gave him the finger. He waved his arm around his head to say that we had to go away and I pointed down to say that we are staying right here.” “And then what happened?” they asked him. “Well,” he answered, “I’m not sure. He took out his lunch, so I took out mine.”

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that you’re not a hypochondriac.

Abe believes Freda is a sex object because every time he asks for sex, she objects. But he welcomes the slight impediment in her speech because every now and then she has to stop to breathe.
On the other hand, Freda doesn’t hate Abe enough to give him back his diamonds. She says, “I know money cant buy me happiness and I’m suffering, but at least I’m suffering in comfort.”

Q: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much.
A: Because they are worth it.

Shlomo walks into ‘Harry Kosher Butchers’, goes over to Harry and says, “So, Harry, I hear that you’re something of a betting man.”
“Yes,” replies Harry.
“Well,” says Shlomo, “You’re a tall man, so I bet you $50 that you cant reach those pieces of meat hanging on those hooks up on that wall.”
“Im not taking your bet,” says Harry.
“Why not?” says Shlomo, “I thought you were a betting man.”
“I am,” says Harry, “but the steaks are too high!”



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