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Moses is in the desert and he sees a
burning bush.He approaches and he hears
a voice.”My name is Moses,what about you? ”
he sad.”I AM is My name,and I am the Lord
of your forefathers!”;”Nice to meet you,
I am!”;”Tell Me, Moses, don’t you feel
lonely in this desert?””Oh,yeah,very lonely… ”
“Don’t you miss your jewish brothers?
“Oh,yeah,very much… “”Don’t you miss
your teachers?””Oh,yes,i miss them lot”
“Don’t you miss bathing in the Nile?”
“Oh,yes,is very warm in here,I miss
that cold water… “”Don’t you miss your
mother,Moses?” Moses starts to cry,and
he whispers through his tears:”Very much”
“WHY DON’T YOU PAY HER A VISIT?” “Oh,I can’t
the faraoh wants to kill me” “He will not,
I will be with you every step” “Are you sure?”
“Sure is my middle name””Will you do that for me?” “Of course I will,Moses, as I promised”
“Thank you,Lord!”and Moses start his journey
to Egypt.”Moses, wait!” “Yes, Lord?”
“Can I ask you a favour?””Anything,My Lord!”
“Well, if you go to the pallace,to
see your mother,please pay a visit to
the faraoh chamber and tell him to let my people go,will you?

The Israeli police are looking for a man who calls himself Joseph. He’s wanted for looting offences in Haifa. The suspect is described as the son of a Barcelona ex-nun and a German father. He’s a former flutist and works occasionally on a farm.
In short, he’s “A Haifa-lootin, flutin Teuton, son-of-a-nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe.”

A man dies and his 3 best friends, Shlomo, Patrick and Peter are looking at his body in the coffin.
Patrick says, “He was such a good friend to me that I don’t want him to go to his maker empty handed.” He then throws $200 in $20 notes into the coffin.
Peter says, “I agree, so Ill match that,” and he also throws $200 in notes into the coffin.
Shlomo says, “What cheap-skates you both are. I’m ashamed to know you. Im going to give him $1,000.”
Shlomo then writes out a cheque for $1,400, throws it in and takes the $400 in change out of the coffin.

Arnold is doing some shopping at Brent Cross Shopping Centre when he meets Lionel. They haven’t seen each other for many years.
“So what are you doing with yourself these days, Lionel?” asks Arnold.
“Well,” replies Lionel, “I used to work for Rothschilds Bank but I retired last year.”
“Lucky old you,” says Arnold, “so what do you do with yourself all day?”
“I get up late each morning,” replies Lionel, “have my breakfast and then lie down on my veranda and relax. At midday, I go inside for some lunch. Then I go outside and lie on my veranda again. At the end of the day, I have dinner and drink only the finest of wines. Then I light up a good cigar. Later on, I go lie on my veranda again.”
“Wow,” says Arnold, “that sounds fantastic to me. I envy you. Please God I should make enough money to retire soon.”
When Arnold gets home, he tells his wife Naomi all about his conversation with Lionel. After hearing Arnold’s story, Naomi asks, “Did he tell you his wifes name?”
“Im not sure,” replies Arnold, “but I think its Veranda.”

Becky was talking to Shlomo. “Oy vay, Shlomo.”
“What’s wrong, Becky?” he asks.
“I was thinking about myself this morning and I couldn’t believe just how things have got worse now that I’m chronologically challenged(*). Im living with osteoporosis and my kidneys are so bad that I have to have regular dialysis. I have terrible circulation in my feet and can’t feel my toes. I’ve survived a triple-heart bypass operation and had both my hips replaced. I’m loosing the sight in my right eye and my hearing is terrible. I’ve got a new left knee and the other one is deteriorating.”
“And that’s not all, Shlomo. I’m sure I’m suffering from senile dementia – I cant remember whether Im 73 or 79. I’m also sure I’m suffering from senile dementia – I cant remember whether Im 73 or 79.”
“But I continue to survive, Shlomo – at a price! As a result of the 50 daily medications I take to live from day to day, I suffer from diarrhoea, wind, dizziness and sometimes even blackouts. But, my dear Shlomo, thank God I still have my drivers license.”
(*) chronologically challenged – old



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