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Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany.
He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made.
When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth.
So Moisha explained: “We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth.”
The customs official shook his head and said, “Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?”
Moisha then said “Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.
The customs official slapped his head and then said, “You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?”
“Vell to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich.”

Marcus Brutus Goldstein earned his living in the great market of ancient Rome. He was a tailor and made togas which he would sell from his market stall. His marketing ploy was to shout out his wares for sale, “Togas! Come buy your togas here – the finest togas in all of Rome!”
Unfortunately, business was not good.
His friend Moshe suggested that the problem was due to the cold weather. He should therefore line the garments with a fine quality wool lining.
Marcus Brutus Goldstein decided to use the finest quality Kashmir linings. From that day on, he could be heard plying his trade in the market, shouting to passers-by, “Kashmir in togas!”

Yitzhak had just moved into a new flat in Hendon and was out celebrating with his friend Benny. At 2am, he invited Benny back to his flat where they continued to celebrate.
Then Benny said, “Before I go, why not show me around?”
So Yitzhak proudly showed Benny his flat and all the high tech it contained. Then he took Benny into his bedroom where his friend couldn’t help but notice a very large brass gong and hammer on the chest of drawers.
“Is that a dinner gong?” asked Benny.
“It’s not really a gong, Benny, it’s more like a talking clock,” Yitzhak replied.
“A talking clock? Are you serious?” said Benny.
“Of course,” replied Yitzhak.
“So how does it work?” said Benny.
“Watch this,” replied Yitzhak, as he picked up the hammer and gave the gong an ear shattering pounding. They stood looking at each other for a moment when suddenly, someone in the flat next door screamed, “Stop that, you inconsiderate oaf. It’s quarter to three in the morning.”

Issy’s wife is unwell and so Issy is sitting in a restaurant on his own for a change. He spends a good deal of time looking at the menu and even when the waiter returns to take his order, Issy is still poring over the menu. The waiter clears his throat and asks, “Ahem, excuse me for asking, sir, but is there a problem with the menu?”
“No there isn’t,” Issy replies. “It’s just that my wife Betty usually tells me what I am allowed to eat, and she’s not here.”
“Thats no problem,” says the waiter, “the soup of the day is chicken soup with lokshen and to make it real tasty we add giblets and chicken fat. But… . I’m sure your wife would want you to have the tomato juice.”
The waiter then continues. “Today’s special is potted flanken nosh-up. This is made with especially fatty meat to which we add potatoes and carrots and leave the whole caboodle in the oven for almost eight hours. We then serve it with home made challah bread for dipping into the gravy. But… .. I’m sure your wife would want you to have the boiled chicken wings and rice.”
On hearing this, Issy puts down the menu and says, “Nag nag, nag. Thats all Betty ever does. Im tired of her telling me what to do. Ill have the chicken soup and flanken nosh-up.”

When Suzy was six months pregnant with her third baby, her three year old son Sam came into her bedroom just as she was ready to get into the shower.
Sam said, “Mummy, you’re getting fat.”
“Yes, darling,” said Suzy, “but remember, mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.”
“I know,” Sam replied, “but what’s growing in your butt?”

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