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Rabbi Bloom was having trouble getting a minyan together. Several families with strong anti-war views had recently left his synagogue and taken up the Quaker faith.
“It can’t be helped,” Rabbi Bloom lamented. “It seems some of my best Jews are Friends.”

Aaron is over 90 years old and is close to death. Nevertheless, he is surprised to overhear his two sons discussing his funeral arrangements. “Let’s order two dozen bottles of whiskey and kosher red wine, plus ten plates each of smoked salmon bagels, egg and onion rolls, shmaltz herring, fish balls, mixed olives, rye bread and cakes, and invite all the mourners back to mum’s house afterwards,” says Joshua.
“Are you crazy?” says Mervyn, “That would cost too much. Better we give everyone just a cup of tea and a piece of cake.”
“OK,” says Joshua, “but I think we should hire ten Rolls Royces to take family and mourners to and from Bushey Cemetery,” says Joshua.
“Are you meshugga?” says Mervyn, “That’s much too extravagant. All we need do to save money is hire just one large Ford for you, me and mum. The rest can find their own means of transport.”
Just then, Joshua and Mervyn hear Aaron’s faint voice from upstairs. “Mervyn, will you please fetch me a nice clean pair of trousers.”
“But dad, you know what the doctor told you,” says Mervyn, “you must stay quietly in bed and not over-exert yourself.”
“Yes, I know, Mervyn,” says his father, “but I’ve decided to walk to Bushey cemetery. It will save you having to hire a hearse.”

Laurence the explorer hires the best jungle guide there is to take him into the middle of darkest Africa. After months of travel, they arrive at a jungle clearing and there, sitting in a circle, is Big Chief Levy and all his tribe. As Laurence watches, one of the natives calls out, “44″ and everyone in the circle, including Chief Levy, all laugh out loud. Then another native calls out, “63″ and again they all laugh loudly.
Laurence is surprised by this behaviour and tells his guide to find out more about the ceremony. The guide speaks to the Chief, returns to Laurence and explains that the tribe always enjoys a good joke. Each joke has been given a number and to save time telling the jokes, they just call out its number. Laurence immediately tells his guide to get him invited to join the circle. The guide speaks to the Chief, returns to Laurence and says, “Chief Levy say you can join the circle and tell one joke.”
Laurence joins the circle and calls out, “27.” But no-one laughs. There isnt even a titter – just complete silence. Even the birds are quiet. So Laurence tells his guide, “Ask Chief Levy why no one laughed at my joke.” The guide does as he’s told and when he returns, he says, “They didnt like the way you told joke 27.”
Laurence tells his guide to get him one more go. The guide comes back and says, “You lucky. Chief Levy say you can have just one more go.”
Laurence calls out, “159″… and instantly, Chief Levy and his whole tribe fall about with raucous laughter for ten minutes. When the laughter finally dies down, Laurence asks his guide to find out what happened this time. The guide speaks to the Chief, returns to Laurence and says, “Chief Levy say, Great! We hadnt heard that one before.”

Paddy and Mick are sitting in a pub, drinking beer and watching the brothel across the road. Suddenly, they see a Baptist minister walk into the brothel. So Paddy says, “Aye Mick, tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin bad.”
Then they see a rabbi enter the brothel and Mick says, “Aye Paddy, tis a shame to see that the Jews are also fallin victim to temptation.”
Then they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel. So Paddy says, “What a terrible pity, one of the girls must be quite ill.”

Miriam meets her friend Leah in Brent Cross shopping centre and says, “So what’s wrong with your hair, Leah? It looks just like a wig.”
“You know something, Miriam,” replies Leah, “it is a wig.”
“Well what do you know,” says Miriam, “you would never notice it.”



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