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Moishe goes to see his doctor and says, “You must help me, doctor. Sadie isn’t interested in sex anymore. Do you have something I can give her?”
“I’m not really allowed to prescribe… ” the doctor starts, but is interrupted.
“Doctor, can we talk off the record please? In all the years we’ve known each other, have you ever seen me like this? I’m desperate. I can’t concentrate, my business is failing and I’m going to pieces. I beg of you – please help me.”
The doctor takes a bottle of pills from his cabinet and says, “I really shouldn’t do this. These pills are still experimental and the results so far indicate that they’re very powerful. So please don’t give Sadie any more than one at a time. I suggest you put it in her coffee. Do you understand, Moishe?
“Yes. Thanks doctor.”
Later that evening, after dinner, when Sadie goes into the kitchen to fetch the dessert, Moishe drops one pill into Sadie’s coffee, hesitates, and then drops in a second pill. But Moishe couldn’t forget the doctor saying they were powerful. What should he do? In a flash of inspiration, he also drops a pill into his coffee.
Sadie returns with the lochshen pudding, which they both enjoy with their coffee. Five minutes after they finish, Sadie takes a deep breath, sighs and starts to shake. A strange look comes over her and in a sexy tone of voice she says, “Oy vay, Moishe, do I need a man right now.”
Moishe’s hands are now trembling as he replies, “Me too.”

A man wonders when life truly begins. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says, “My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that life begins upon the union of egg and sperm.”
The man thinks: “What does a priest know about life?” After all, anyone in the Catholic clergy would be saying that due to the shrinking of their flock in the past several decades.
The man decides to ask a Unitarian minister and receives different reply: “The beginning of life is not something that can be determined exactly. Even the words “beginning” and “life” are too broadly defined to arrive at a meaningful answer. However we will be having a discussion group about this in three weeks if you would like to attend”, the minister said.
Not pleased with the reply, and unwilling to wait for three weeks he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years’ tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi briefly ponders the question, then states, “My son, it’s quite simple. Life begins when all the kids leave the nest and the dog dies.”

“Rabbi, why do we always have to say our prayers at night?” said little Emma.
“Because, my dear child, its cheap rate after 6 o’clock.”

Howard is visiting his prospective in-laws for the first time. As soon as he arrives, the father asks him, “Young man, can you support a family?”
Howard is surprised by this question and replies, “Well sir, to be truthful, I can’t. But I’m only planning to support your daughter – the rest of you will have to do whatever you can without my help.”

Q: Why were gentiles invented?
A: Somebody has to pay retail.

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