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There was a Chinese pilot and a Jewish pilot on a flight to NYC. For some reason, they weren’t too fond of one another, and there was a long, tense silence that accompanied them on their trip. Finally, the Jewish pilot said something to the Chinese pilot:
“I don’t like the Chinese. They bombed Pearl Harbor.”
“No, no, no,” said the Chinese man. “That was the Japanese.”
“Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, same thing.”
Another half hour of tense silence.
The Chinese pilot finally said to the Jewish pilot, “I don’t like the Jews. They sank the Titanic.”
“No, no, no! That was an iceberg!”
“Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, same thing.”

An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her,” and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.” She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, “You are NOT getting divorced! Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back!, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “They’re coming for Passover and paying their own airfares.”

A rabbi took a job at a Duracell factory. His job is to stand on the production line and as the batteries go by, say, “I wish you long life”.

Q: What does a Jewish husband call a waterbed?
A: The Dead Sea.

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