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Freda has invited her three sons and their families to her house for a shabbes dinner. So she goes to her local butcher to look for some nice joints of chicken. Whilst there, she meets her friend. “Kitty,” she says, “I’m glad I’ve met you. I’m making a big meal for my family this Friday and I need you to return the large roasting tray I lent you last month.”
Kitty replies, “In the first place, Freda, I never borrowed any roasting tray from you. Secondly, it was only an old roasting tray anyway. And lastly, you must have noticed that when I returned it to you, it was in a better condition than when you lent it to me!”

Mr & Mrs Moshe Levy are pleased to announce the birth of their beloved son, Doctor David Levy.”

Renee has been going out with Lionel, the latest of her many boyfriends, for three weeks and this time she really believes something will come of it – especially as he has just asked to meet with her parents. So that afternoon, Renee goes to her father and says, “Daddy, when Lionel arrives, there’s a very good chance that he’s going to come to you to ask for my hand in marriage.”
Her father jumps up from his chair and shouts out ‘mazeltov,’ but before he can get too excited, Renee says, “But daddy, you must promise me something. All you need to say to him is a simple, yes, you have my blessing. I beg you daddy, please dont do what you did last time with my previous boyfriend.”
“So just what did I do last time?” asks her father, innocently.
“Well,” replies Renee, “you fell on your knees, grabbed his hand and shouted out, ‘Oh, thank you my lovely boychick. Thank you, thank you. You’re my salvation.’”

boychick: bit of a lad; young boy

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going
to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to
marry.”
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, “Okay, Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you
know?
The Jewish mother replies, “I don’t like her.”

Three men are discussing their previous night’s lovemaking. The Italian says, “My wife, I rubbed her all over with fine olive oil, then we make wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes.”
The Frenchman says, “I smooth sweet butter on my wife’s body, then we made passionate love. She screamed for half an hour.”
The Jew says, “I covered my wife’s body with schmaltz. We made love and she screamed for six hours.”
The others say, “Six hours? How did you make her scream for six hours?”
He shrugs. “I wiped my hands on the drapes.”



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