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It seems a group of leading medical people have published data that indicates that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It is indicated that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.
A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, “Who wrote this?!”
A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
“Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot.”
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, “Why is this knight different from all other knights?”

An old man with terrible hearing has just gotten an amazing hearing aid. He goes to his friend to tell him about it.
The old man, who’s name is Moishe, raves about his new hearing aid.
“It is made of glass so you can’t even see it! It has so much power in it. It’s almost impossible to break as well. I love it!”
His friend asks, “What kind is it?”
Moishe looks at his watch. “Quarter to three.”

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Mexico City. One has a cross in front of him. The other one the Star of David. Many people go
by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a ‘Star of David’ in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite.”

The beggar behind the ‘Star of David’ listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: “Moishe, look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing.”

Abe comes home one day and shows his wife Hette the two CDs he’s just bought from a friend in the office. Hette takes one look at them and shouts, “Are you stupid? What’s this rubbish you’ve bought with our hard earned money? You haven’t got a CD to play them on.”
“So what,” replies Abe, “Remember when you bought those two bras last week? Did you hear me say anything?”

Some quotes you might not be aware of

* After all the money we spent on braces, is that the biggest smile you can give me? [Mona Lisa's Jewish Mother]
* I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you could have still written. [Columbus' Jewish Mother]
* Of course I’m proud you invented the electric light bulb. Now be a good boy and turn it off and go to bed. [Thomas Edison's Jewish mother]
* But it’s your Barmitzvah photo. Couldn’t you do something about your hair? [Albert Einstein's Jewish mother]
* That’s a nice story. So now tell me where you’ve really been for the last 40 years. [Jonah's Jewish mother]

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