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In old Russia, two beggars sat next to each other in a district where few Jews lived. One held a sign saying “Please help the war veteran”, and the other holds a sign saying “Please help a poor Jew”.
People pass by and even those who didn’t intend to give money to either of them, give to the first beggar to upset the Jew. Finally, one day a good man passes by, gives money equally to both, and then says to the Jew: “Why don’t you change your sign? Don’t you understand that nobody will give you any money?” and walks away. As he goes, the Jew turns to the other beggar and says: “Chaim, he would teach us business… “

In Miami, Moshe is in his school’s computer courtyard writing a poem for the next girl he may encounter. By this time Moshe is very desperate for a girl. His computer is 125.The computers are divided by tiny walls. In computer 124 there is an unknown purse that was left behind by an unknown person. Moshe does not know this. Well, in his mind, Moshe is praying for a girl. Suddenly a very beautiful lady goes to computer 124. Moshe prays for a conversation. The conversation is guiven. Then Moshe prays for a laugh and the laugh is given. Finally Moshe prays for some information from her and that information is given ( the class in the auditorium she has in 15 minutes). Moshe is giving thanks to God for at least 10 minutes. Then the lady gets out from the computer without saying anything. Moshe thinking that she is going to be back is not letting a uniformed cop to get in computer 124.
COP: wHY can’t I get in this computer?
Moshe: Some girl is sitting in here right now .
Cop: Where is this girl?
Moshe:maybe she went to her class to talk to her teacher before her class begins, but she is going be back. By the way dont you see her purse?
Cop:this is nonsense
Moshe with his Heart in love remembers the class she was going to.
Moshe to the cop: I take you to her!
Moshe grabs the cop and takes him to her class.
Finally, all tired from running they open the door of the auditorium and Moshe still grabbing the cop histerically screams:
That’s her!

Daniel is walking down Golders Green High Road when he sees in the distance his old friend Victor sitting outside Bank Leumi. Daniel hasn’t seen Victor for many years and so is looking forward to meeting him again. As Daniel comes up to Victor, he is surprised to see that Victor is not just sitting there doing nothing – he’s actually selling shmaltz herrings from a barrel – and he appears to be doing good business. Daniel goes up to Victor and within seconds they are both hugging each other.
Daniel asks, “So how are you getting on in London, Victor?”
“I’m OK,” replies Victor, “I’m making a living.”
“Well then,” says Daniel, “maybe you could lend me $20. I’m not doing so well these days.”
“I’m sorry,” replies Victor, “I just can’t do that. It’s not allowed.”
“What do you mean it’s not allowed?” asks Daniel.
“Well, in order to get Bank Leumi to allow me this pitch outside their bank, I made a deal with them. They promised not to sell shmaltz herring and I promised not to lend money.”

Moshe and Sadie are in the theatre enjoying the latest West End play when Moshe suddenly leans over to Sadie and whispers in her ear, “I just did a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”
Sadie whispers back, “I think you should put a new battery in your hearing aid.”

Abe is sunbathing in his back garden in Golders Green one Sunday afternoon when a small spaceship appears out of nowhere and lands near him. A strange looking spaceman gets out, walks over to Abe and says, “Take me to your leader.”
“I can’t,” replies Abe, “mine Hetty is in Bournemouth with the grandchildren.”

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