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Avrahom’s son Howard was at Cambridge University and Avrahom was worried that Howard might quickly forget that he was Jewish. As Yom Kippur was coming, Avrahom sent Howard the following text message: -

HI HOWARD. YOM KIPPUR STARTS ON TUESDAY

Howard sent the following reply: -

THANKS FOR THE TIP. PUT ME DOWN FOR $70 ON IT TO WIN

You Know the Person Next To You Hasn’t Been To Shul In Awhile When You Hear Him Say. . .

1. “Hey, my book is backwards.”

2. “Isn’t it impolite to talk when the minister is talking?”

3. “What’s with the beanies?”

4. “Isn’t it funny that one person on the stage has a better singing voice than the other ones.”

5. “I get the standing and the sitting; when do we kneel?

6. “Does your prayer book have writing in a funny looking alphabet, too?”

7. “Why do people keep coming in even after the service starts? Didn’t they know what time it starts?”

8. “Do a bunch of people always get up and walk out just before the rabbi gives the sermon?”

9. “This food after the services is really good, but wouldn’t it be better if people waited in line and then only took a little at a time?”

10. “Hey, I remember this part from ‘Fiddler on the Roof’!”

Rabbi Bloom and Father O’Reilly were arguing one day about religion. They went on for some time and very soon, things began to get out of hand.
Then Rabbi Bloom said, “We must not quarrel in this way. It’s not right. We are both doing God’s work, you in your way and I in His.”

A priest, a minister and a rabbi all walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look and says, “What is this – a joke?!”

A Jewish mother was seen running along the beach screaming, “Help! Help! My son, the doctor, is drowning!”



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