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A Jewish man sits next to two Arab men on a flight from New York to Miami. The Jewish man kicks off his shoes. Meanwhile, one of the Arabs says he would like a coke. Since he was by the aisle, the Jewish man says, “I’ll get it for you,” and goes off in his stockinged feet. While he was gone, one of the Arab men spit into the Jewish fellow’s left shoe. Later, the other Arab man says that he too would like a coke, and the Jewish man goes off to fetch it. This time, his right shoe gets spitted into.
As the flight was ending, the Jewsih man slid his shoes back on and through his socks, he felt the squishiness. He immediately figured out what had happened and exclaimed, “When will it end!? When will all this enmity cease, the hatred, the anger, the spitting in shoes and the pishing in coca cola!?”

A rabbi and a priest had been lifelong childhood friends. The priest was always trying to covert the rabbi throughout their entire friendship. One day the Rabbi was across the street from the priest and they were meeting up at the cross walk. When the rabbi crossed the street a car came racing by and knocked the rabbi to the ground. As the rabbi got up the priest saw the rabbi cross himself. The priest came racing to his friend’s aid and stated “I knew it! When the time came you would convert!” The Rabbi had no idea what the priest was talking about. The priest said “when you got up from the ground you crossed yourself. I knew when the time came and you were close to death you would see my way and convert. The rabbi proclaimed, “I did not cross myself. I was checking I had everything important.
Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch!

God wanted to have a holiday, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on where to go.
“Why not go to Jupiter?” asked St. Peter.
“No, too much gravity, too much stomping around,” said God.
“Well, how about Mercury?”
“No, it’s too hot there.”
“Okay,” said St. Peter, “What about Earth?”
“No,” sighed God, “They’re such horrible gossips. When I was there 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they’re still talking about it.”

Naomi’s husband dies and all of a sudden she’s on her own to bring up Leah, her 10year old daughter. After some time has passed, she starts looking for a partner, not an easy task, but then Mr Shapiro comes onto the scene. He’s much older than Naomi but is wealthy and presentable, so Naomi accepts his invite for a meal at Bens Kosher Kitchen. They have a good time and start seeing each other on a regular basis. She likes him very much and is glad things are getting serious between them – after all, Leah could do with a new father figure around the house.
When it’s time to introduce Mr Shapiro to Leah, she decides to invite him over for a shabbes dinner. He accepts and at once Naomi begins to worry about the one thing that could ruin her chances of marriage – Mr Shapiro has a large wart on his nose. She is worried that Leah will not only stare at it but also laugh at it. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t get the scene out of her mind.
Friday arrives and she’s in such despair that she decides to tell Leah what’s troubling her. As they are setting the table, she says, “Please Leah, I want you be on your very best behaviour tonight and… ..oh yes, one other thing, darling, don’t say a thing about the wart on Mr Shapiro’s nose. I don’t want him upset.”
“OK, mum, I won’t mention it, I promise,” says Leah.
In the event, the meal is a great success. Conversation flows easily and Leah behaves impeccably, not a word out of place. Naomi breathes a massive sigh of relief when Leah asks to be excused just before dessert. As Leah closes the door behind her, Naomi turns towards Mr Shapiro and asks, “So Mr Shapiro, would you like cream or custard on your wart?”

Harry Goldberg has been elected the next president of the United States–the first Jewish boy to reach the Whitehouse. He is very proud and phones his mother in New York to invite her to the inauguration.
Harry: Momma, guess what! I’ve just been elected president, won’t you come to my inauguration?
Mother: Harry! You know I hate trains. I can’t face the journey all the way to Washington. Maybe next time.
Harry: Momma! You will take no train. Air Force One will collect you. The journey will be over in 30 minutes. Come to my inauguration, please…
Mother: Harry, I hate hotels. The non-kosher food! Nahh, maybe next time.
Harry: Momma!! You will stay in the White House, a kosher chef to yourself. PLEASE come.
Mother: Harry! I have nothing to wear!
Harry: I have someone on his way to take you to Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s to make you look perfect. You must come!!!
Mother: Okay, okay, I suppose I will come.
Inauguration day comes. Mother is on the front row, next to the Secretary of State. Harry is called up to become the next president. Mother digs the Secretary of State in the ribs and says, “Hey, you see that boy Harry? His brother is a very successful doctor!”



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