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there is 3 guys one was a american jewish the others was israeli and the other was rabbi so they are heaven and they go to a place were they could meet girls so the guy who runs the place tells them i want you to go one at a time and dont touch the goose or trip over the goose so the american jewish go’s in and comes back with an ugly girl and the other two ask him what happend and the guy replys i touched the goose
then the rabbi go’s in and comes back with an ugly girl and they asked him the same question and he answers i triped over the goose. So the israelin go’s in and he comes out with a hot chick and the other two ask him what happend but before he could answer the girl answers i touched the goose

Leah goes to Dr Myers for her yearly examination. He begins by putting her on the scales. “How much do you think you weigh, Leah?” he asks.
“8 stone 5 pounds,” Leah replies.
But Dr Myers tells her that her weight is actually 9 stone 3 pounds.
Dr Myers then asks, “How tall are you, Leah?”
“I’m 5 foot 9,” Leah replies.
But when he measures her, it turns out that she is only 5 foot 6.”
Dr Myers then takes her blood pressure. “Your blood pressure is very high, Leah,” he says.
“It’s no wonder,” Leah shouts at him. “When I came in here I was tall and slender. Now Im short and fat.”

Moshe’s mother, Hette, once gave him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time Moshe visited his mother, he made sure he was wearing one of them. As he entered her house, instead of the expected smile, Hette said, “What’s the matter, Moshe? You didn’t like the other one?”

It was Victor’s birthday in a few days time and his bubbeh goes out to buy him a present. She finds a menswear shop that was having a half-price sale and buys a luxurious rollneck pullover for him. Unfortunately, the pullover was for a size 14 neck and Victor was a size 18.
When Victor receives his present, he immediately tries it on. He then writes a thank you note to his bubbeh. This is what he wrote: -

“Dear Bubbeh, Thanks a lot for the beautiful pullover. Id write more but Im all choked up.”

Although Abe and Hetty, both in their 60s, have lived in New York all their lives, they decide to move to Golders Green in London. Within six months of their move, they’re lucky enough to win $10M on the lottery. They are naturally over the moon and use most of their winnings to buy a small mansion overlooking Hampstead Heath. They also decide to employ a chauffeur for their new Lexus, an au pair, a gardener to care for their half acre back garden and a butler to serve all their meals. Soon after moving into their new home, they invite their London friends Max and Hannah over for dinner.
During the meal, Max says to the butler, “My good man, so what is your name, what shall we call you?”
The butler replies, in perfect Queens English, “Well sir, my master calls me shipwreck.”
As soon as the butler leaves the room, Max asks, “So what kind of a name is shipwreck, Abe?”
In his usual thick New York accent, Abe replies, “Vats mit shipwreck? Hes de voist butler in da voild, so ve call him shtick dreck.”

shtick dreck: A piece of shit, someone cheap, shoddy, useless

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