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Three Eastern European Jews named Berel, Cherel and Shmerel are talking about moving to the USA.
Berel says, “When I emigrate to New York, Im going to have to change my name. They wont call me Berel anymore, theyll call me Buck.”
Cherel says, “When I emigrate to New York, Ill also have to change my name. Theyll call me Chuck.”
Then Shmerel says, “Well Im not going anywhere.”

Two Jewish students were rooming together in Manchester and they always shared the cooking of the evening meal.
One day, when Sam came home, he did not find a hot meal waiting for them, only sandwiches. So he asked Moshe, “What’s with the cheese sandwiches? You promised to cook us roast beef for tonight.”
Moshe replies, “I did! But the roast beef caught fire and it spread to the vegetables so I had to put it out with the chicken soup.”

A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a rabbi are discussing what they would like people to say after they die and their bodies are on display in open caskets.
Priest: I would like someone to say “He was a righteous man, an honest man, and very generous.”
Minister: I would like someone to say “He was very kind and fair, and he was very good to his parishioners.”
Rabbi: I would want someone to say “Look, he’s moving.”

The 7 fridges
It might not be known by many outside of Israel but new immigrants can bring in normal household items duty free, but anything that looks like it could be resold in Israel is supposed to be subject to Israeli import duty.
Moshe Cohen, a new immigrant, arrived at the Port of Haifa to claim his household goods, which had just been landed by ship. However, when he turned up, he was immediately called into the Port offices because the excise officer had noticed on the manifest that Moshe had brought in seven refrigerators.
“Mr Cohen,” said the officer, “one refrigerator is allowed duty free, but certainly not seven of them.”
Moshe replied, “But I’m very frum. I need one refrigerator just for meat, one just for dairy, and one just for parve.”
“OK,” said the officer, “that makes three, but what about the other four?”
“It’s obvious,” replied Moshe, “I need three for most of the year and another three, for meat, dairy and parve, for Pesach.”
“That only makes six,” replied the officer,” What’s the seventh one for?”
“So nu,” replied Moshe, “What if I want to eat traif once in a while?”

After being married for over 60 years, Rivkah is filing for divorce against Cyril.
At the court hearing the judge is very surprised that this seemingly nice elderly couple are experiencing marital problems. So he turns to Rivkah and asks, “Why do you want a divorce?”
“Vell,” replies Rivkah, “Mine husband is now not alvays very nice to me. And lately it has become unbearable.”
“So can you give me an example please? ” asks the judge.
“Yes I can, ” replies Rivkah, “Ve both vear dentures and many times in the last six months, vhen I’m asleep at night, he steals mine to eat garlic.”

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