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One day, as Rachel is cleaning her daughters bedroom, she notices a letter on the pillow addressed to her. With a worried feeling, Rachel reads the letter. This is what it said.

Dear Mum,
I’m sorry to have to tell you this but I’ve eloped with my new boyfriend. He’s so different, Mum. What with his pierced tongue, his tattoos and his big motorcycle, I’ve found real passion with him. But that’s not all. Im pregnant. But don’t worry, Mick says that we will be very happy living in his caravan. He even shares my dream of having a big family and he wants to have more children with me.
He’s very clever as well. He’s taught me how to grow marijuana and I agree with him that it doesnt hurt anyone. So well be growing it not only for us but also all his friends.
Dont worry about our finances. Mick has arranged for me to appear in some homemade video films. I can earn $150 per scene, more if there are three men involved. But dont worry, Im 15 years old and know how to take care of myself.
In the meantime, Mum, please pray that science will soon find a cure for AIDS. Mick deserves to get better.

Love Rebecca

PS This letter is not true – it’s all make believe. Actually, Im at our neighbours house. I just wanted to prove to you that there are worse things in life than denting your Lexus car.

Freda and Kitty meet at Brent Cross shopping centre one day for their regular chat. Kitty says, “Do you know what my doctor told me the other day, Freda?”
“No,” says Freda, “surprise me!”
“Well, he told me that I needed to have another operation,” replies Kitty.
“So when will you have it?” says Freda.
“I won’t,” replies Kitty, “I told him that because Harry and I have had so many expenses this year, we couldn’t afford to pay for an operation.”
“Never mind,” says Freda, “you’ll just have to talk about your old operation for yet another year.”

“Hello Cyril,” says Fred, “I hear you know Hebrew?”
“Yes I do,” replies Cyril.
“I was wondering what the Hebrew for ‘he is?” says Fred.
“Hu,” says Cyril.
“No one in particular,” says Fred, “I just wanted to know what is he?”
“Hee is she,” says Cyril.
“Who?” says Fred.
“No, Hu is he,” says Cyril.
“I thought you said he is she?” says Fred.
“Yes, that’s correct,” says Cyril.
“What is correct?” says Fred.
“Hee is she,” says Cyril.
“I have no idea what you said. Who is she?” says Fred.
“No, Hu is he,” says Cyril.
“I don’t want to know who he is, now I want to know what she is in Hebrew?” says Fred.
“Hee,” says Cyril.
“He who?” says Fred.
Yes that’s correct, but Hee is she,” says Cyril.
“Who is she?” says Fred.
“No, Hu is he,” says Cyril.
“Why do you keep asking me who is he?” says Fred.
“I thought you were asking me what he is in Hebrew?” says Cyril.
“Me?” says Fred.
“That’s Hu,” says Cyril.
“Who is me?” says Fred.
“No, Hu is he, Mee is who,” says Cyril.
“I dont want to know who you are, I want to know who is he?” says Fred.
“That’s correct,” says Cyril.
“But I’ve no idea what I’m saying,” says Fred.
“But you say it so well,” says Cyril.
“Who me?” says Fred.
“Why are you asking me who he is?” says Cyril.
“No, I’m asking you what is he?” says Fred.
“Hee is she,” says Cyril.
“Who is she?” says Fred.
“No, Hu is he,” says Cyril.
“I’m very lost. Me is who? Who is he? He is she?” says Fred.
“Very good, you said that very well,” says Cyril.
“What did I say?” says Fred.
“Mee is who, Hu is he and Hee is she,” says Cyril.
“Well if you must know, you’re crazy. I dont know who he is and if she is a he, I’m sure I dont want to know her,” says Fred.

Joseph had just passed his driving test, so he asked his father, who was a Rabbi, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, “Joseph, I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your school grades up, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it.”
After about a month Joseph came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father’s study where his father said, “Joseph, I’ve been real proud of you. You have raised your school grades, you’ve studied your Bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!” Joseph waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Abraham had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Moses had long hair… .”
To which the Rabbi replied, “Yes, and they walked every where they went!”

A Brooklynite tourist was strolling through Hong Kong when he spied a synagogue. He entered and, sure enough, he found a Chinese Rabbi and a Chinese congregation.
Even though he spoke no Chinese, he was touched by the service.
The rabbi stood by the door greeting his congregants, When the Brooklynite shook the rabbi’s hand, the rabbi asked, “You Jew?”
The man answered “Yes”
The rabbi replied, “Funny, you don’t look Jewish”!

© 2015