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Sadie is holidaying in Israel and goes to the post office for some stamps for her Chanukah cards. “Can I have 50 Chanukah stamps please?”
“Of course,” says the clerk, “what denomination?”
“Oy vay,” says Sadie, “has it come to this already? OK, give me 14 liberal, 28 reform and 8 orthodox stamps please.”

Medical experts from London have published a paper that concludes that Seder participants should not eat both chopped liver and choroses.
Their research shows that if they do, it can lead to Charoses of the Liver.

David, a senior citizen, was driving down the M25 towards Edgware, when his mobile phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “David, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way down the M25. So please be careful!”
“Hell,” said David, “It’s not just one… there are dozens of them!”

Q: What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction?
A: A matzochist.

Isaac’s wealthy parents stop at nothing to ensure that their son’s barmitzvah is one their family and friends will remember for a long time. So Isaac reads his barmitzvah piece in front of a ‘full house’ at the St John’s Wood Synagogue, followed on the Sunday by a tremendous barmitzvah party at the Ritz Hotel which goes on well past midnight.
The next day, Isaac doesn’t wake up until mid morning. He opens his tired eyes and there, waiting by his bedside, is his father. “Hi Dad,” says Isaac, “is anything the matter?”
“Not at all, son,” replies his father. “It’s just that now you are of age, I feel today is a good time to start teaching you how to survive in business.”
“Oh dad,” says Isaac, “do we really have to? I’m so tired.”
“Yes we do,” replies his father, “it won’t take long.”
Isaac watches his father leave his bedroom and then return with a decorator’s two-legged step-ladder. His father opens up the ladder in the middle of the bedroom floor and says, “OK Isaac, all you need do is climb up to the top.”
“But it’s too wobbly, dad,” says Isaac. “I might fall and hurt myself.”
“There’s no need to worry,” says his father. “Nothing will happen. I will hold it steady for you.”
So Isaac walks over to the ladder and starts to climb, one slow step at a time and when he reaches the top he begins to smile a bit. All of a sudden his father pushes the ladder over and Isaac takes a nasty fall, hitting his head on the wardrobe.
Rubbing his head vigorously, Isaac shouts at his father, “Why on earth did you do that, dad? You could have killed me.”
“It’s OK Isaac,” replies his father, “this was the first and most important business lesson of many I will be teaching you – ‘Trust No One.”

© 2015