Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100181 jokes and pictures!


The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like
Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact
that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?”
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?” And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy.
A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known “eBay” he said, “we need a name that reflects what we are,” and Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”
“YAHOO”, said Abraham.
And that is how it all began, It wasn’t Al Gore after all.

Nathan goes to shul (synagogue) one shabbes and Rabbi Bloom almost faints when he sees him – Nathan has never stepped foot inside a shul since his barmitzvah. At the end of the Service, Rabbi Bloom goes over to Nathan and says, “I’m very pleased to see you here today, what made you come?”
Nathan replies, “Ill be honest with you, rabbi. I lost my favourite hat about 3 months ago and I really miss it. A friend of mine told me that Kenneth Gold has a hat just like mine. My friend also told me that Gold comes to shul every shabbes, always takes off his hat before Service begins, leaves it in the cloakroom at the back of the shul and replaces it with his yarmulke. So I was going to leave after the Torah reading and steal Gold’s hat.”
Rabbi Bloom says, “Well Nathan, I notice that you didnt steal Gold’s hat after all. Whilst I’m very glad, please tell me why you changed your mind.”
“Well rabbi,” replies Nathan, “after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided that I didnt need to steal Gold’s hat.”
Rabbi Bloom smiles and says, “I suppose you decided against it after you heard me talking about Thou Shalt Not Steal?”
“Not exactly, rabbi,” replies Nathan. “After you talked about Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, I remembered where I left my hat.”

Lionel and his wife Sharon have just done their weekly shopping at Marks & Spencer food hall and are now queuing to pay. Suddenly, remembering that she needs some money, Sharon leaves Lionel to pay while she goes outside to look for a cash dispenser.
Lionel pays for the food, but as he’s wheeling the trolley outside the store, he sees a gorgeous woman smiling at him. Then, to his surprise, she says to him, “Hello.”
He starts to think, ‘She looks a bit familiar but I just cant place where I might know her from.’ So Lionel replies, “Hello. Do I know you?”
“I’m not sure,” she replies, “I could be mistaken, but I think you might be the father of one of my children.”
Lionel is shocked and immediately starts thinking back to the time of his one and only indiscretion. So, blushing heavily, he says to her, “Oy Veh, are you the lady I met some year’s back at my shul’s Chanukah party when my wife was at home in bed with the flu? When you and I had too much Palwin wine to drink? Where we found a nice quiet room in the secretary’s office and made great love, with you scratching my back with your nails in your excitement?”
There is a short pause…
“No, you’ve got the wrong woman,” she replies with a smile, “Im your sons Science teacher!”

Harry has a ‘malfunction problem’ and makes an appointment to see a consultant urologist in Harley Street. When Harry arrives, he notices that the waiting room is already filled with patients. As he walks over to the receptionist to check in, he can’t help noticing that she is a very large and unfriendly looking woman who looks just like a Sumo wrestler. He says to her, “My name is Harry and I’ve got an appointment with Dr Bard.”
The receptionist replies in a very loud voice that everyone can hear, “Yes, Harry, your name is on my list. You want to see the doctor about impotence. Is that correct?”
All the patients in the waiting room turn to look at Harry, who is by now very embarrassed. However, he quickly gathers himself together and in an equally loud voice replies, “No, you’re wrong. Ive come to inquire about the possibility of a sex change operation, but now I’ve seen you, I dont want the same doctor that did yours.”



© 2015 ijokedb.com