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The head leader of the mafia bought his son a gun for his 18th birthday and said to him;..respect the gun boy you will need it in the future;. On the night of his birthday he went to a night club and was drinkin when he seen a man on the dance floor with the most beautiful rolex watch he had ever seen,so he went over and asked him to swap his watch with his gun and he said he would. That night when the boy got home his father was waiting up for him because he was worried about him been out with a gun on his birthday and he asked the son how did he get on and the son said;..pappa i swaped my gun for this lovely watch; And the father slaped him across thi head and said; fukin fool boy in 10 years time you will have a beautiful wife a big house and a few kids and you will come home after a night out and some man will be riding the fuck out of your wife… and what you gonna do then TIME HIM

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, “Hey, Luigi. How was’a da treep?”
Luigi said, “Ever’thing was’a perfect except for da train’a ride down.”
“What’a you mean, Luigi?” asked Giovanni.
“Well, we board’a da train at Grand Central’a Station. My beautiful’a Virginia had packed a big’a basket a food with vino and cigars for’a me, and’a we were looking ‘aforward to da trip. All was OK until we got’a hungry and opened up’a da lunch’a basket.
“The conductor came by, wagged his’a finger at us and’a say, ‘No eat in dese’a car. Must’a use’a dining car.’
“So, me and my beautiful’a Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a big’a lunch and begin to open’a bottle of vino. Conductor come again, wag his’a finger and say, ‘No drink’a in dese’a car. Must’a use’a club’a car.’
“So we go to club’a car. While’a drinking vino, I start to light’a my big’a cigar. The conductor, he wag’a his finger again and say, ‘No smoke’a in dese’a car. Must’a go to smoker car.’
“We go to smoker car and I smoke’a my cigar. Later, my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car and’a go to bed.
We just about to have’a sex and the conductor, he come’a through car yelling, ‘NO-FOLK’A, VIRGINIA!’”

In Italy a poll was taken to determine why men get up at night.
Here are the results:

10% to raid the fridge
15% to have a pee
75% to go home

Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid?
A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil.?

Once upon a time, there were 3 Italian pigs. Giancarlo,
the owner of a straw house, Antonio, the owner of a stick
house, and Guido, the owner of a brick house.
One day this nasty old wolf came up to Giancarlo’s house
and said, “I’m gonna huff, and puff and blow your house
down.” And he did!
So Giancarlo went running over to Antonio’s house and said
“Let me in, please, the wolf just blew down my house!!”
So Antonio let Giancarlo in.
Then the wolf showed up and said, “I’m gonna huff and puff
and blow your house down!” And he did! Antonio and Giancarlo
went running over to Guido’s house and said “Let us in! The
wolf just blew down our houses and we’re scared!” So Guido
let them in.
The wolf caught up with them and said “I’m gonna huff, and
puff and blow your house down.” While he was huffing and
puffing, Giancarlo and Antonio were scared! But Guido picked
up the phone and called a friend.
All of a sudden this big, black stretch limo drove up. Out
came two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedoras.
These huge pigs came over to the wolf and grabbed him by the
neck and beat the living shit out of him. Then, one of them
pulled out a gun and fired into the wolf’s mouth. They left
the wolf for dead, got back into their limo, and drove off.

Joncarlo and Antonio were amazed! They asked Guido, “Who the hell were those guys?

And Guido responded, “Oh, those are my cousins… the Guinea Pigs.”

© 2015