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Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street.
“Hey, Antonio,” said Luigi, “Where you been for the past two weeks? No one seen you around.”
“Dona talka to me, Luigi,” replied Antonio. “I been inna jail.”
“Jail!” exclaimed Luigi. “What for you been in jail?”
“Wella, Luigi,” Antonio said, “I was lying onna dis beach, and the cops come, arrest me and throw me inna jail.”
“But dey dona throw you in jail just for lying onna da beach!”, Luigi countered.
“Yeah, but dis beach was screamin’ and akickin’ and ayellin’!”

Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be?
A. The least hairy of the three.

Q: where is the highest population of italians in the U.S.A.?
A: in the witness protection program!

There was a father a mother and their three sons. It was Thanksgiving day, so the father went out with his bee-bee gun to the farm to shoot a turkey.
He loaded his bb gun with 3 bb’s and went out and shot a turkey, and brought it home. His wife cooked the turkey and it was time to eat.
Shortly after they started eating the first boy jumps up and says mom can I please be excused, and his mother said sure go ahead the family resumes eating 2 minutes later the boy came down screaming “MOMMIE MOMMIE I WAS PEEING AND A BEE-BEE CAME OUT!!”, so the mother consoles him and says its ok honey, it happens, don’t worry you’ll be ok.”
About 5 minutes later the 2nd boy jumps up and says mom can I be excused and the mother says sure. Shortly after that he comes running downstairs screaming “MOMMIE MOMMIE, I WAS PEEING AND A BEE-BEE CAME OUT!!!!!!” His mother said don’t worry just like it told your brother its ok.”
Next the third boy says mom can I please be excused she says sure so he leaves and goes upstairs and a little later he came running downstairs screaming “MOMMIE MOMMIE” but before he could finish his mom interrupted and said “Let me guess, you were peeing and a bee-bee came out??”
He says, “No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog.”

Volvo, Video, Velcro.
I came,I saw,I stuck around.

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