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A couple were walking down the road when they passed an Italian organ grinder and his monkey. The woman stopped and handed the monkey a 20 Euro Note.
“Why did you do that,” said her husband, “I thought you hated Italians.”
“Yes I do,but they are so cute when they are little.”

It was the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella, Not a creature was stirrin’, Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.When up on da roof I heard somethin’ pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, “YO! Keep it down!”When what to my Wanderin’ eyes should appear, But da Don of all elfs, And eight friggin’ reindeer!Wit’ slicked back black hair, And a silk red suit, don Christopher wuz here, And he brought da loot!Wit’ a slap to dare snouts, And a yank on dare manes, He cursed and he shouted, And he called dem by name.” Yo Tony, Yo Frankie, Yo Vinny, Yo Vito, Ay Joey, Ay Paulie, Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!”As I drew out my gun And hid by da bed, He flew troo da winda And slapped me ‘side da head.” What da heck you doin’ Pullin’ a gun on da Don? Now all you’re gettin’ is coal, You friggin’ moron!”Den pointin’ a fat finga Right unda my nose, He twisted his pinky ring, And up da chimney he rose.He sprang to his sleigh, Obscenities screamin’, Away dey all flew, Before he troo dem a beatin’.Den I heard him yell out, What I did least expect, “Merry Friggin’ Christmas to all, And yous better show some respect!”

Q. Why do Italian men have mustaches?
A. So they can look like their mothers.

An elderly Mafia Don was on his deathbed,he summoned his eldest son and told him he was giving him the family heirloom.He reached under his pillow and handed him a very impressive looking gun.
The son appeared hesitant and explained to his father that he was not really a violent man and perhaps a more fitting gift would be a watch.
The Don was puzzled by his sons request and asked if his son came home one day and found somone fucking his wife would he shoot him in the head or point to his watch and tell him his time was up.

Vinnie Calabrese, right off the boat from Italy, was excited
about being accepted at Harvard University. On his first
day on campus, he was walking around looking for the library.
He saw an upperclassman standing by a tree, walked up to him
and said, “Hey paisano, coulda you tella me where isa da
library at?”
The upperclassman said, “Here at Harvard we never end
sentences with a preposition. Would you like to rephrase
that question?”
“OK, fora you, no problem, Paisano,” said the Italian.
“Tella me, do you know where isa da library at, youa asshole?”

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