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Antonio came home from school one day and walked into the kitchen. His grandma asked him, “Antonio, what did you learn in school today?”
Antonio replied, “Well, we learned about penises, and vaginas, and sexual intercourse, and masturbation.”
Grandma hauled off and slapped Antonio, hard. He ran up to his room, crying.
Antonio’s mother walked in and said, “Ma! Why did you go and hit Antonio!?”
Grandma replied, “Well, I asked him what he learned in school today. He started talking about sex, and penises, and masturbation!”
Antonio’s mother said, “Ma! That’s what they learn. It’s called sex education!”
Well, Grandma felt bad about hitting Antonio, so she went upstairs to apologize. When she opened his bedroom door she found him on his bed masturbating.
Without a blink, she said, “Antonio, when you’re finished with your homework, come downstairs and talk to me.”

Two Italian guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state
trooper. The trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with
the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that?
The trooper says, “You’re in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you’ll
have your license ready.” Driver says, “I’m sorry, officer, I’m not from around here.”
The trooper runs a check on the guy’s license, and he’s clean. He gives
the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on
the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him
with the nightstick. The passenger says, “What’d you do that for?”
The cop says, “Just making your wishes come true.” The passenger says, “Huh?”
The cop says, “I know that two miles down the road you’re gonna say, ‘I
wish that guy would’ve tried that crap with me!

Q: How do you tell the bride at an italian wedding
A: She’s the one with braided arm pits

Q: How do you tell yhe groom at an italians wedding
A: He’s the one wearing new construction boots

An italian man walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son.
The kid is spinning a 25 cent piece in the air and catching it between
his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy
at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and
lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking and going blue in
the face and the Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.
A middle-aged, fairly unremarkable italian man in a gray suit is
sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping
a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his
coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it
on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way
across the market. Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but just
barely) the italian man carefully takes hold of the kid’s testicles and
squeezes gently but firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses
violently and coughs up the 25 cent piece, which the man catches in his
free hand. Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and
walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects,
the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him.
The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the father’s thanks. As the
man is about to leave, the father asks one last question: “I’ve never
seen anybody do anything like that before – it was fantastic – what are
you, a surgeon or something like that?”
“Oh, good heavens, no”, the man replies, “I work for the IRS.”

In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
Unembarrassed to wear fur.
No need to worry about tax returns
Glorious military history… well, until about 400 a.d.
Can wear sunglasses inside
Political stability
Flexible working hours
Live near the Pope
Country run by Sicilian murderers

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