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Why did the Italian staple his nuts together?
“If you can’t lick ’em, join ’em”

An Italian tourist is visiting London for the first time in his life and speaks no English. After looking at monuments around town he gets lost. It is midday and he is getting hungry… he takes out his dictionary and starts looking at shops to find a restaurant, Chemist = farmacia, No! Newsagent = Giornalaio. No! Real Estate = Immobiliare. No!… and so on until he he sees a shop with the sign “HOT DOGS”
He looks at the translation and thinks “They eat dogs, how disgusting!… ”
After looking around some more, he cannot find another restaurant and thinks: I’m hungry, if they can eat dogs, so can I!”
He goes in, takes out his dictionary and with apprehension orders one hot dog.
When the waitress brings him the hot dog, he looks at it for a moment and says:
– Please… I will eat any part of of the dog… except THAT ONE!…

A wealthy American man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during a rendezvous, she confided to him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he told her he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed there, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby is born. To keep it discreet, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife.
“Honey,” she said, “you received a very strange postcard today.”
“Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he said.
The wife did as she was asked, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted. On the card was written “Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without.”

A bloke who was well known for his anti Italian sentiments, was walking down the street one day with a mate, when they came across a busking act, an Italian with an organ grinding monkey. Our incipient racist stunned his friend by throwing a couple of bucks into the hat.” I thought you hated Italians?” was the comment as the friend recovered.” Yeh, I do. But even I’ll admit they’re cute when they’re little.”

What do you get if you cross an Italian with a Jew?
A cleaner who owns the building!

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