Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!


Tim O’Rourke was walking his Irish Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back.

Tim then threw it in another direction and it landed in a small lake. The dog went down to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back.

Well, Tim was astounded. He couldn’t believe what he had seen and threw stick in the lake again, and the dog once again walked across the water to bring the stick back. As he went into town, he promised that he would show his dog’s wonderful new trick to the first person he came across.

Once in town the first person the dog owner came across was the town drunk Declan Dunphy. Tim dragged Declan to the lake to show him what his dog could do.

Once again, the dog owner threw the stick into the small lake and the dog went to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back to it’s owner. Once the drunk saw that, he turned to the dog owner and said;

“Why that’s great, mister!
But when are you going to teach your dog how to swim?”

Pat and Mike had been drinking buddies and friends for years.
After having a few drinks in a bar, Mike said to Pat
“We have been friends for years and years and if I should die before you do would you do me a favor?
Get the best bottle of Irish whiskey you can find and pour it over my grave.”
Pat replied, “I would be glad to do that for you my old friend.
But would you mind if I passed it through my bladder first?”

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable, the food is terrible, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, and the accommodations are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. “Good luck will be following you all your days, if you kiss the Blarney Stone,” the guide said. “Unfortunately, it’s being cleaned today so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.”

“We can’t come back tomorrow,” the nasty woman shouted. “We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can’t kiss the stupid stone.”

“Well now,” the guide said, “it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you’ll have the same good fortune.””And I suppose you’ve kissed the stone,” the woman scoffed.

“No, ma’am,” the frustrated guide said, “but I’ve sat on it.”

Sister Mary Margaret enters O ‘Flynn’s liquor shop.
“I’d like to buy a bottle of Irish whiskey”, she tells O ‘Flynn.
The owner of the store shakes his head and frowns.
“A bottle of Irish whiskey? And you being a nun too.”
“Oh no, no,” Sister Mary Margaret exclaims. “It’s for Father Reilly.
His constipation, you know.”
O’Flynn smiles, nods, and puts a bottle into a bag.
Sister Mary Margaret pays, takes the bag and goes on her way.
Later that day, O’Flynn closes shop for the day.
On his way home he passes an alley. There in the alley is Sister Mary Margaret.
She’s rip roaring drunk, the empty bottle at her side.
“Sister!” O’Flynn scolds.
“And you said it was for Father Reilly’s constipation.”
“It is,” answers Sister Mary Margaret.
“When he sees me, he’s gonna shit!”

Sister Mary Margaret enters O ‘Flynn’s liquor shop.
“I’d like to buy a bottle of Irish whiskey”, she tells O ‘Flynn.
The owner of the store shakes his head and frowns.
“A bottle of Irish whiskey? And you being a nun too.”
“Oh no, no,” Sister Mary Margaret exclaims. “It’s for Father Reilly.
His constipation, you know.”
O’Flynn smiles, nods, and puts a bottle into a bag.
Sister Mary Margaret pays, takes the bag and goes on her way.
Later that day, O’Flynn closes shop for the day.
On his way home he passes an alley. There in the alley is Sister Mary Margaret.
She’s rip roaring drunk, the empty bottle at her side.
“Sister!” O’Flynn scolds.
“And you said it was for Father Reilly’s constipation.”
“It is,” answers Sister Mary Margaret.
“When he sees me, he’s gonna shit!”



© 2015 ijokedb.com