Joke's Database
     
Have fun searching 100181 jokes and pictures!


Canada, in view of recent events, will be changing the maple leaf on the flag to a marijuana plant.
That way, the people of Quebec will have good reason to burn the flag.

You may not pay for a fifty-cent item with only pennies.
* In British Columbia, it is illegal to kill a sasquatch.
* Citizens may not publicly remove bandages.
* In Montreal, you may not swear in French.
* Also in Montreal, citizens may not relieve themselves or spit on the street. Punishable by a fine of over 100 Canadian dollars.
* In Beaconsfield, it is considered an offense to have more than two colors of paint on your house.
* In Toronto, you can’t drag a dead horse down Yonge St. on a Sunday.
* The city of Guelph is classified as a no-pee zone.
* In New Brunswick, driving on the roads is not allowed.

A Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he removed a stick of gum he had from the airport in Canada, and started to chew it. He walked into a French coffee shop and sat himself beside an English speaking French man.
Frenchman: In Canada, what do you do with your used tires?
Canadian: We send em to France to get turned into paper plates.
French man: What do you do with your used plastic bags?
Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) We send em to France to get turned into a gold ring. Hey, what do you do with your used comdoms?
French man: we send em to Canada to get turned into bubble gum.

A Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he removed a stick of gum he had from the airport in Canada, and started to chew it. He walked into a French coffee shop and sat himself beside an English speaking French man.
Frenchman: In Canada, what do you do with your used tires?
Canadian: We send em to France to get turned into paper plates.
French man: What do you do with your used plastic bags?
Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble) We send em to France to get turned into a gold ring. Hey, what do you do with your used comdoms?
French man: we send em to Canada to get turned into bubble gum.

Day One

12:00 High noon, and tensions are high as well. Management is hiding inside the depot, so to set an example for the world and save face we will have to beat one of our own union members into a bloody pulp with a baseball bat. Volunteers are requested.

12:01 No one volunteers. Morale seems low. This could be a long strike.

12:02 We randomly select one union member to “volunteer.” In what is surely a meaningless coincidence, this turns out to be the smallest, stupidest and most fragile worker there.

12:03 The plan is stymied when our “volunteer” runs away with our only baseball bat. Recreational events for the weekend will have to be cancelled….

13:00 After only one hour, I am already bored and frozen – stiff being the appropriate adjective in each case.

14:12 Newspapers (the Province), books (Plato’s Republic) and radios (CKNW talkshows) are abandoned when one of our union brothers reveals his former identity as a Special Forces Vietnam Vet. His anecdotes about home-made explosives are especially informative.

14:36 Several of the union brothers and sisters pay a quick visit to a nearby paint store.

15:27 Morale leaps up suddenly when a Federal Express truck overturns and explodes in front of the depot. Despite our best efforts, the driver manages to escape from the flames.

16:30 I go for a lunch break of chicken souvlaki at the trendy coffeeshop next door, Automotive.

17:00 We are forced to abandon our defensive positions in the back alley due to the encroaching darkness and the proximity of the fast-moving cars there. Somewhat daunted by losing the best place to drink unobserved, we retreat to the depot’s frontage on Homer Street.

18:00 My first tour on picket duty is over, and I have survived to whine about it for another day….



© 2015 ijokedb.com