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It seems that a young man in Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He decided to start in New York and head west.

He enters a large cathedral in New York and notices a golden phone with a sign that reads “$10,000/minute.” Intrigued, he asked the the pastor what the deal was. The pastor explained that this phone was a direct line to heaven and you could personally speak to God. The young man moved on to the next church.

As he went through church after church moving across the country, he saw the same phone with the same sign. Finally, he entered a church in Arizona. And again, he saw the same phone, but this time it had a sign that read “Calls: $0.25/each.” The young man asked the local pastor what this phone was for.

“This is a direct line to heaven, and you can speak directly to God,” replied the pastor.

“Yes, but all of the other phones in all of the other churches were $10,000/minute. Why is this one only 25 cents for a call?” questioned the young man.

“Well you’re in Arizona now, so this is a local call.”

* the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
* the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
* farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
* the cows are giving evaporated milk.
* the trees are whistling for the dogs.
* you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
* you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
* you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
* you can make instant sun tea.
* you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
* the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
* you’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
* you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
* you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
* The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
* you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
* you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
* you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
* hot water now comes out of both taps.
* it’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
* you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
* you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
* no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
* your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
* you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
* a sad Arizonan once prayed, “I wish it would rain – not so much for me, cuz I’ve seen it — but for my 7-year-old.”

An Arizonan and a Texan were driving through Arizona one afternoon. As they drove down the highway, the Arizonan pointed out the sights.

Pointing out the car window, the Arizonan notes, “Look, over there is a cattle ranch.”

“We have cattle ranches that are at least twice that size in Texas,” claimed the Texan.

They drove on for another hour, and the Arizonan pointed out an area of cotton fields.

“In Texas, we have cotton fields that are much bigger than that,” noted the Texan.

By this time, the Arizonan was starting to get annoyed. Not wanting to be outdone, he continued driving. An hour later, they reached northwestern Arizona. The Texan looks out the window at the Grand Canyon, points, and asks, “What is that?”

Without missing a beat, the Arizonan replies, “Don’t you have irrgation ditches in Texas?”

It was a very tight Christmas for one family. The father told his small son that he could only have one small gift. The little boy said, “I want a Mickey Mouse hat.” That year he got the hat he wanted.

The next year was again very bad and the child was told that he could only choose one gift. The little boy said, “I want a Mickey Mouse shirt.” He got the shirt.

The third year was much better. The father told his son that Christmas that he could have whatever he wanted. The excited little boy shouted, “I want a Mickey Mouse outfit.”

So his dad bought him the Arizona Cardinals.

A gentleman was driving through Arizona when he saw flashing red and blue lights in his rearview mirror. He promptly pulled to the side of the road, and noticing that his seatbelt was unbuckled, he quickly buckled it.

“Hello, officer,” said the man. “I know I was in a little bit of a hurry; I apologize for that.”

“I see you’re from out of state, and you’re following our state’s seatbelt law,” stated the officer.

“Yes sir, I always do.”

“Do you always wear your seatbelt through your stearing wheel?”

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