Joke's Database
Have fun searching 100254 jokes and pictures!

A man went camping in Northern Arizona, as he had many times before. But he noticed something different this time when he began fishing. There were no bites on his line at all. He headed over to the local market to get some new bait, and the shopkeeper gave him some advice.

“Don’t even bother buying any bait,” said the shopkeeper

“Why’s that?” questioned the man.

“There ain’t no fish ’round here no more. We had a freak flood come through and wipe them all out.”

“But how would a flood wipe out the fish?” wondered the man.

“There ain’t never been no water ’round Arizona

The State of Arizona comprises the extreme south-western portion of the United States. It is bounded on the north by Utah, on the east by New Mexico, on the south by Mexico, and on the west by California and Nevada, so the fish never learned to swim.”

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. “Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep.”

From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, “Wow! It just missed the highway!”

It was a very tight Christmas for one family. The father told his small son that he could only have one small gift. The little boy said, “I want a Mickey Mouse hat.” That year he got the hat he wanted.

The next year was again very bad and the child was told that he could only choose one gift. The little boy said, “I want a Mickey Mouse shirt.” He got the shirt.

The third year was much better. The father told his son that Christmas that he could have whatever he wanted. The excited little boy shouted, “I want a Mickey Mouse outfit.”

So his dad bought him the Arizona Cardinals.

It seems that a young man in Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He decided to start in New York and head west.

He enters a large cathedral in New York and notices a golden phone with a sign that reads “$10,000/minute.” Intrigued, he asked the the pastor what the deal was. The pastor explained that this phone was a direct line to heaven and you could personally speak to God. The young man moved on to the next church.

As he went through church after church moving across the country, he saw the same phone with the same sign. Finally, he entered a church in Arizona. And again, he saw the same phone, but this time it had a sign that read “Calls: $0.25/each.” The young man asked the local pastor what this phone was for.

“This is a direct line to heaven, and you can speak directly to God,” replied the pastor.

“Yes, but all of the other phones in all of the other churches were $10,000/minute. Why is this one only 25 cents for a call?” questioned the young man.

“Well you’re in Arizona now, so this is a local call.”

* the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
* the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
* farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
* the cows are giving evaporated milk.
* the trees are whistling for the dogs.
* you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
* you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
* you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
* you can make instant sun tea.
* you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
* the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
* you’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
* you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
* you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
* The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
* you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
* you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
* you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
* hot water now comes out of both taps.
* it’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
* you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
* you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
* no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
* your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
* you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
* a sad Arizonan once prayed, “I wish it would rain – not so much for me, cuz I’ve seen it — but for my 7-year-old.”

© 2015