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It was recently announced that a franchise was building a new Taco Bell in Tuscaloosa. The University’s response was “Why do we need another phone company?”

Two Auburn Engineering students were tasked to measure the height of a flag pole as a class assignment. They decided to measure the flag pole outside of Legion Field at the south end of the stadium.

While attempting this task, one student would hold the tape while the other climbed the flag pole with the other end of the tape. Much to their disappointment the student climbing the pole kept sliding down and could not get to the top.

An astute Alabama graduate was observing from a distance and suggested that the Auburn students disconnect the flag pole and measure the pole while on the ground.

The Auburn students, enraged by the suggestion yelled out, ” We want to know how tall it is not how long it is you idiot!”

Q: What’s the best thing to ever come out of Alabama?

A: I-20 and I-10

… You can play the Auburn fight song using your armpit.

… Your wife’s idea of cleaning house is throwing everything out into the yard.

… The Roto-Rooter man stops by your trailer and asks, “What’s that smell?”

… You’re a member of the Skoal Frequent Purchaser Program.

… You looked up your family tree and your uncle spit on you.

… You joined Alcoholics Anonymous so you can drink and use a different name.

… You looked out for #1 and stepped in #2 !!!

… You won’t buy a Japanese car because you’re afraid you won’t understand what they say on the radio.

… Your kids go to a private school and they won’t tell you where it is.

… Your Granny beats you in the tobacky spittin’ contests.

A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened.

Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him “When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work.”

The sales manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear.

He got back into the car and said “Country music,” and old Willie Nelson started singing. “Rock and roll,” he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. “Easy listening,” he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham, and listening to smooth sounds.

Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. “Stupid rednecks!” he screamed. The radio immediately blurted out, “TOUCHdooooooooown AllaBAAAAAAAmaaa!!!!”



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